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    This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
    Honest or rude
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    An_184688 posted:
    Now this question applys to any situation here or in your daily life. I am just wondering at what point does being "honest" turn into just flat-out disrespectfullness? Things said in this forum have enspired this question and also things that happend with ex friends of mine. I will give you an example of what an ex friend said to me before. Okay she says in a group of people ugghhh! your feet look dirty (everyone looks down)and im like well I have had flip flops on all day and we rode four wheelers earlier you dont have to be rude and call me out in front of everyone she says well im just being honest. To me that was totally uncalled for and I think she said that to make herself look better in some crazy way in the group of people it wasnt the first or last time she had said something like that, but that is my opinion.
    Reply
     
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    IslandL responded:
    I just watched "The Invention of Lying" recently on HBO. I highly recommend it. Made me appreciate the "social niceties" of keeping things to ourselves. And telling the occasional "white lie" to spare someone's feelings.
    Consider the Karma Consequences ;)
     
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    butterfly19790424 responded:
    I think it depends on the situation just like the story you posted. I prefer honest opinions. But I know people in real life get a power trip out of making fun of other people or being rude. They start to feel insecure and want everyone to like them again.

    Now, in regards to the board. I have gotten both honest and rude replies. The ones I feel are rude, I take as a grain of salt. I have noticed if the same person posts the same issue with different words over and over again, the advice given is the same as an original but in a different tone because they are tired of answering the same question. Those can be taken as rude and maybe they are.
     
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    An_184689 replied to IslandL's response:
    I have heard of that movie. I will check it out when I get a chance.
     
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    BabyLovesPrada responded:
    I think there is a thin line, had you asked her if your feet looked dirty and she said yes, that is being honest.

    Its like you are talking to a hot guy and your friend walks up and is all, wow thats a huge zip on your face and then is like, well I'm just being honest- no your actually being rude.

    I don't know I am so confused with what is going on on the other threads that my head is swiming, I know what I want to say but the words are not forming.

    This is a really good topic tho- you should get a lot of responses
    Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes.....which works out great cause then you are a mile away AND you have their shoes............ ME 33, DH 30
     
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    relishes responded:
    I think it is a fine line. Tackfullness is always appreciated but honesty is as well.

    Honesty mean stating the facts. Like "you slept with a married man and caused pain in that family". That statement could be a fact.

    But adjectives and expletives are subjective and usually used when personal feelings are aroused, or to push buttons.

    It is not a "fact" to say "Sleeping with that man makes you as whore and you will go to Hell." It might be how someone feels but it is not a proven fact.

    Honesty can be hurtful but if you stick with the facts instead of throwing in personal barbs thgen honesty works well, even when it is slightly hurtful. However, its just common courtesy to call attention to a friend with more tack in the case of "dirty feet". I do not see any productive reason to for someone to say that out loud.
     
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    BabyLovesPrada replied to relishes's response:
    It is not a "fact" to say "Sleeping with that man makes you as whore and you will go to Hell." It might be how someone feels but it is not a proven fact.

    Thats a really good way of explaining the difference
    Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes.....which works out great cause then you are a mile away AND you have their shoes............ ME 33, DH 30
     
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    3point14 responded:
    Honesty is whispering something to someone. Rudeness is yelling at them.

    Honesty is making someones' day better, even if it's unpleasant, because you care that much to want better for them.

    Rudeness is not caring how you make someone else feel, because it matters more to you to get a rise out of 'em.

    Honesty is factual, rudeness is usually said with a side of arrogance/selfishness.

    Honesty gets an open-minded response. Rudeness gets someone on the defensive or just flat-out hurt.
     
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    luvmy2babiesmuch replied to An_184691's response:
    I think sometimes a person just being point blank can be taken as rude. To me, she crossed the line, "in front of others." Personally, i would have made a big laugh, and said something like," yeah, you should have been there, riding 4 wheelers is so much fun with my friends, we have a big blast, we were hoping to get covered in mud, but didn't find any." they all would have laughed, not felt sorry for you, and it would have made you look like you were a fun girl to hang with... my advice, is to always try to turn it into a fun thing, not a cut down moment. I would have never told her otherwise, it may have bothered me secretely, but I would NEVER let her know-- she's quit trying to poke fun at you, cause it never works!! I hate popele like that, they only way the feel good, is balking at dsomeone elses short comings! like on here, I HATE to see someone say something about another persons word usage, spelling, etcc.. I didn't think this was an English class... anyways, i'm rattling on,, J M O
     
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    BabyLovesPrada replied to ImMe26's response:
    Tori....deep breaths please.....
    Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes.....which works out great cause then you are a mile away AND you have their shoes............ ME 33, DH 30


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