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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
guy time: never try to steer a man away from his boys....it wont work...a guy needs his boys just as much as you need your girls....but what women dont seem to understand is guys dont sit there and vent and talk about "she did this and then i yelled that.." heck no....they play video games, have a beer (or 1 or 2...) and try to forget about whatever it was that got him so mad....
tell them how you feel...guys are not mind readers...if they ask you what you want to do tell them exactly what you want (in and out of bed)....
guys hate shopping with females....i understand why too...to us we have to look in every store to make sure we dont buy something we could have gotten something better somewhere else...they like to get in and get out
I don't have that kind of friend, that I want to spend time with, so that's not really an issue with me. But in a similar vein, my wife is definitely less than completely supportive of the few days a year I am gone doing something that I absolutely love: backpacking. (I was gone for 5 days this summer, on my only trip of the year this year.) This is a point of contention with us. She does not have any desire to do this with me (I would love it if she did), but I have no intention of letting that stop me from spending a few days a year doing something I love.
It's a pity she sees things like that, question. My partner loves skiing. I am simply not interested. For years, I've been booking him a week's vacation in the Alps because it makes him happy, he has fun, he comes home relaxed, I get to spend a week of peace and quiet - heck it's a win-win situation if ever I saw one!
Well, that's part of the problem: we are a four teenager household, so if one of us is out of town, it is anything but peace and quiet for the other who is holding down the fort at home.
(Sometimes one or both of my sons goes hiking with me, though.)
So it really would be an act of self-sacrifice for her to be excited about it for me and encourage me to go. And that's (self-sacrifice) something that I think we've really gotten away from, especially on her part.
You should be careful about making generalizations like this. I am a woman. I completely understand my dbf's needs and desire to go out with his friends. He only does that maybe once every couple of weeks but he would be able to do that when ever he wanted, he is a grown man.
He also loves to shop with me. I don't enjoy shopping at all and he likes to go to encourage me to spend money on myself. (I rarely spend money on me, I have 3 kids, money for me is non-existant for at least another 20 years!) So again, that was just a stereotype that really just isn't true.
I think the thing that stood out in your post to me was that people who need this advice are likely people that don't really know their partner very well. It sounds like advice for younger couples that are just starting out. I don't know, that is how I read this post. It just aggrivated me a little because all it did was group men in one group and women in another and that just isn't the case in adult relationships.
I know my partner very well and have no problem telling him what I want (in and out of bed).
I always encourage him to have guy time and kick it with his friends, he usually refuses says he doesnt need but I know he does.
Also my DF really enjoys shopping with me. He likes buying clothes and looking nice and likes to have my input/opinion on what looks good. He does the same for me, hes not the guy thats like "Sure get it if you like, lets get outta here".
So maybe thats how your guy is in all these categories but there are lots of guys out there and they arent all the same. So next time before you stereotype, generalize or decide to be the guru of all things guy, take that into consideration...
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