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This Exchange simulates the original Couples Coping Support Group. It is designed to help persons with concerns in their relationships, family, marriage, seperation, divorce, etc.Offering a wide range of real world, personal experiences, information, knowledge, suggestions, & views from real people.
I used to think sex was so needed and important
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troyrthayne posted:

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cjh1203 responded:
And....??
 
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jadedstar responded:
is it not????
~~Me(33) DD(7) DS(born 1-5-11) Single mom was married 10 years and took over 3 years of H to finally respect myslef enough to get out...trying to Start over and wondering if Love is ever real~~
 
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ImMe26 replied to jadedstar's response:
I love how newbies come here make a screen name and then post virutally nothing.....LOL.....go thru making and acct and signing up to post ...nothing.......LOL...
Don't put off tomorrow, what you can accomplish today!! Procrastination is a KILLER!!--ME(26)SO(28)DD1(10yr)DD2(8yr)DS(2yr)SO's-DD(8yr)DS1(6yrs)DD(5yr)LUV THEM ALL ALWAYS WANTED A HUGE FAMILY
 
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jadedstar replied to ImMe26's response:
its funny..i seen the header and was looking for a discussion lol and found like you said nothing LOL
~~Me(33) DD(7) DS(born 1-5-11) Single mom was married 10 years and took over 3 years of H to finally respect myslef enough to get out...trying to Start over and wondering if Love is ever real~~
 
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GuardSquealer replied to jadedstar's response:
So start a discussion about it.

Did sex mean more to you when you were younger or in a newer relationship?

I know that it used to be a lot more important to me than it is now. Not that I don't still love it. But I guess either age or maturity has slowed things down a lot.

If for some reason I became single again. I think the priority on it would probably go up. So maybe being with the same partner for 20 some years has slowed it down a little.

What do you think?
 
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stephs_3_kidz replied to GuardSquealer's response:
I think when you've been with someone for a long time (my husband and I have been married almost 15 years) sex has a different meaning. It's a way to connect and be "one" emotionally, in addition to being fun and keeping the spark alive. When we were first married I'm not sure what sex meant to us, except that we were both very young and very...um....ready for it. LOL And on the flip side, I'd say sex is MORE important to me now because of us having 4 kids, we need intimacy to keep connected amidst all the chaos.
 
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jadedstar replied to GuardSquealer's response:
when i was first engaged and then married it was very important in our relationship and even after we were together a few years it had its moments of being important...it had a different meaning to me than him he turned it into a chore for me and he liked his girlfriends more he didnt have to deal with everyday life with them I yearned for the emotional connection the intimacy that comes with being with the same partner guess we didnt grow up together tho i guess it was just sex thats what he wanted but if you fuss all day long you cant enjoy that aspect of it when it happens....on a lighter note I DO enjoy it a great deal and am looking for my life partner and in the mean time it can be great fun if you care about the person I tried having meaningless adventure and it doesnt work for me guess I ain't made that way if i can't have it within a relationship i would rather not have it. its the emotional connection I want and need and sex is just a bonus within that. However in my search for 'the one' if we aren't compatile in the bedroom it wont work yes ther is more to life than sex but i have a high drive and i think it increases as i have gotten older it did wane after i had my first child but now its in overdrive since i had lil man quite frustrating being single at the moment but my time will come it has too right???
~~Me(33) DD(7) DS(born 1-5-11) Single mom was married 10 years and took over 3 years of H to finally respect myslef enough to get out...trying to Start over and wondering if Love is ever real~~
 
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3point14 replied to GuardSquealer's response:
Sex is very key to me. Without sex in my relationship, I'm jut living with a friend. A good friend whom I love very much, but it's not the same. My current relationship is the longest relationship I've ever had, and the longest sexual relationship. It matters way more to me than it did at the beginning because like Steph said, it makes us "one".

Unfortunately, it seems like my manfriend's gotten kind of comfortable, I guess. I've lost a bunch of weight, dyed my hair, look better than I have since we met, and feel more connected to him than ever, and would love to show him that physically. He's just not as into it. We've discussed it, he says it's not me, it's just that he's busy, tired, stuff like that. He's always had a lower libido than I do, but it's gotten worse. He's more attentive since our talk, but I really kind of get the impression that he'd be just as happy having sex even less than we do now. It's great when it happens, though, so I just focus on the positive.
 
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An_229070 replied to jadedstar's response:
jadedstar ~ I don't mean to be offensive or rude but I would like to ask (beg) you to use some puncuation. I find myself skipping anything you write because it is so hard to read. It is like one huge run on sentence.
 
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jadedstar replied to An_229070's response:
do apoligize. I tend to get in a hurry and my brain gets it and i forget to slow. I will try to keep your advice and request, in mind and slow it down and try to be conhesive. I love this community and the openness and want to contribute but that does no good if no one can understand me.

Thanks again have great day <
~~Me(33) DD(7) DS(born 1-5-11) Single mom was married 10 years and took over 3 years of H to finally respect myslef enough to get out...trying to Start over and wondering if Love is ever real~~
 
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jadedstar replied to jadedstar's response:
the tear one is all wrong!!! sorry bout that! still learning the shortcuts
~~Me(33) DD(7) DS(born 1-5-11) Single mom was married 10 years and took over 3 years of H to finally respect myslef enough to get out...trying to Start over and wondering if Love is ever real~~
 
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GuardSquealer replied to jadedstar's response:
See it just took a small amount of effort and this post became a very good one.

I am sure you will find the right one eventually.
 
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GuardSquealer replied to 3point14's response:
It is sometimes difficult being busy. But at his young age I would think that he would be more interested. When I was younger, upto about 40, seemed that sex was always on my mind. Even when I was thinking of other things. I made a lot of decisions based on how it would effect my chances of having sex.

I don't think about it quite so much anymore. One reason is that I am so busy. The other is that she is so busy. I hate to bother her because I know she has a lot to do.

Plus heck she is drunk all the time. lol.

I know when I see other pretty women my interest rises. And I seem to think about it more. So the interest is still there.
 
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BalconyBelle replied to GuardSquealer's response:
My fiance has a high drive & is my first...it blindsided both of us when I wound up having a higher drive than him. It's caused some problems for us since I'm still left wanting more even after he's exhausted. It's actually been over 6 months since I've truly been satisfied. I try to be nice about it since I know the final semester of school is really stressing him out & his drive has gotten even lower...

I make sure he's satisfied...but at the same time, my own enjoyment is going down. I just can't bring myself to get excited about something when I know it won't be enough, and I know the more excited I get, the more frustration and pain I'll experience when he finishes while I'm just warming up. I miss the intimacy and closeness we used to have, and I hope we'll have it again, because I honestly can't see spending the rest of my life this way. As it stands, I get more of a buzz from cuddling and snuggling than when we make love. I dread sex because every one-sided encounter is a reminder of what I've lost.

It hurts to be left wanting...it's an actual physical & emotional ache. I miss him, I need him. Unfortunately, he's just not there for me. I'd say I think about making love more now than ever because I know what I'm missing, and I miss that sense of connection, of love, of being cherished.....I miss him. We've talked about it, and I know he's doing his best, but it's like I have an absentee partner. Everything I do gets sucked into a void, and while it's kept him from drowning this semester, I think I've gone under instead. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that his graduation will bring things back on track.


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