Couples Coping
How do you keep your relationship healthy while coping with every day stresses.
Emotional Cheating or Actual Cheating?
An_229038 posted:
My fiance and I have been together for two years and engaged for just as long. (He proposed to me after a month into our relationship.) Last June, I discovered that he had been posting and responding to craigslist ads to women and giving them his phone number. (I have to say he has not had a job nor a car since I met him so I support his financially.) As soon as I confronted him, he was very angry and accusing me of breaking into this privacy and placing the blame on me, while trying to lie and say that it wasn't all him, that he was trying to get girls for his friend. Then he just decided to admit it was him being stupid. Then it all stopped for a while and then started back up again just recently. He has always been against social networking sites like facebook and myspace and he spent an entire evening well into the morning chatting with a girl via facebook chat. She sent him a friends request, he accepted but then I checked his email again and she sent him nude pictures and he sent her two pictures of his genitalia while he was sitting in the same room right across from me and I was sleeping. As soon as I had the opportunity, I deleted her off his facebook, and blocked her email from emailing him. Last night I had to fake being really sick so he wouldn't get onto his laptop and this morning when I checked his email, she sent him another request so I got into his facebook, ignored her request and blocked her from ever contacting him again. I know this all sounds pyscho but my fiance thinks I'm stupid. He doesn't know I know his passwords but when I asked him yesterday about accepting his request, he said they talked about her being a fan of his blogs on some other site and blah blah blah... That he would never cheat, loves me, blah blah blah. My reasoning is this. I do not feel the need to do such things to him so should I kick him out and cease all contact if he confronts me on why he can't get a hold of her and because lied to my face continually? He has lied to me over and over again and he doesn't know that I have the proof. He saw me in tears, and how hurt I was that he has done this but does not seem to care.
1 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Emotional Cheating or Actual Cheating?My fiance and I have been together for two years and engaged for just as long. (He proposed to me after a month into our relationship.) Last June, I discovered that he had been posting and responding to craigslist ads to women and giving them his phone number. (I have to say he has not had a job nor a car since I met him so I support his financially.) As soon as I confronted him, he was very angry and accusing me of breaking into this privacy and placing the blame on me, while trying to lie and say that it wasn't all him, that he was trying to get girls for his friend. Then he just decided to admit it was him being stupid. Then it all stopped for a while and then started back up again just recently. He has always been against social networking sites like facebook and myspace and he spent an entire evening well into the morning chatting with a girl via facebook chat. She sent him a friends request, he accepted but then I checked his email again and she sent him nude pictures and he sent her two pictures of his genitalia while he was sitting in the same room right across from me and I was sleeping. As soon as I had the opportunity, I deleted her off his facebook, and blocked her email from emailing him. Last night I had to fake being really sick so he wouldn't get onto his laptop and this morning when I checked his email, she sent him another request so I got into his facebook, ignored her request and blocked her from ever contacting him again. I know this all sounds pyscho but my fiance thinks I'm stupid. He doesn't know I know his passwords but when I asked him yesterday about accepting his request, he said they talked about her being a fan of his blogs on some other site and blah blah blah... That he would never cheat, loves me, blah blah blah. My reasoning is this. I do not feel the need to do such things to him so should I kick him out and cease all contact if he confronts me on why he can't get a hold of her and because lied to my face continually? He has lied to me over and over again and he doesn't know that I have the proof. He saw me in tears, and how hurt I was that he has done this but does not seem to care.
anditc responded:
Anon 31159,
I feel your pain. I know everybody says that but I do. I was married to ten years to who I thought at the time, was my soul mate. We had a child together and everything seemed fine. We split up once and decided to try and work it out, while we were seperated, he dated someone, when we moved back in together, contact was supposed to stop. She called our house once and I answered the phone and explained I was living back at home and we were trying to work our marriage out, that I would appriciate if she wouldn't contact him again. As far as I knew at the time, they didn't talk, hah. I could feel us growing apart again and after about 3 months, we split up again. Our son, who was 7 at the time, was meeting this woman days after we split for the 2nd time. My ex husband is now married to her!
I tell you this stroy to see that there is hope, you just can't see it when you're in the middle of the situation. I am happily married again to my best friend, and we have two children together and I couldn't be happier. Is our marriage perfect, no, nothing is. But I know this, I know he molves me and our children, all three of them. And I know he would never hurt me like that. But it took me being hurt once by my ex, to be able to see that and trust him and his love.
I would advise for you to end this relationship, it will only get worse. And to support him financially while he messes with other women online is disrespectful to yourself. If you don't respect yourself no man ever will. Of course he loves you and doesn't want to end things, he can sit on his lazy butt and do nothing except have emotional affirs while you work to support you and him, why would he want to lose that?
You deserve better, find someone that you know beyond any doubt loves you and would NEVER hurt you in any way. You owe that to yourself.
As far as you invading his privacy, it wouldn't be a problem if he wasn't doing something that he KNOWS is wrong. And blocking emails and face book is okay for now. But if he thinks he can sit and do what he's doing while you work to support both of you, then it will eventually become someone he can see while you're at work. Don't put yourself through that. You sound like a sweet girl and you deserve someone to show you not only unconditional love but respect.
I feel your pain. I know everybody says that but I do. I was married to ten years to who I thought at the time, was my soul mate. We had a child together and everything seemed fine. We split up once and decided to try and work it out, while we were seperated, he dated someone, when we moved back in together, contact was supposed to stop. She called our house once and I answered the phone and explained I was living back at home and we were trying to work our marriage out, that I would appriciate if she wouldn't contact him again. As far as I knew at the time, they didn't talk, hah. I could feel us growing apart again and after about 3 months, we split up again. Our son, who was 7 at the time, was meeting this woman days after we split for the 2nd time. My ex husband is now married to her!
I tell you this stroy to see that there is hope, you just can't see it when you're in the middle of the situation. I am happily married again to my best friend, and we have two children together and I couldn't be happier. Is our marriage perfect, no, nothing is. But I know this, I know he molves me and our children, all three of them. And I know he would never hurt me like that. But it took me being hurt once by my ex, to be able to see that and trust him and his love.
I would advise for you to end this relationship, it will only get worse. And to support him financially while he messes with other women online is disrespectful to yourself. If you don't respect yourself no man ever will. Of course he loves you and doesn't want to end things, he can sit on his lazy butt and do nothing except have emotional affirs while you work to support you and him, why would he want to lose that?
You deserve better, find someone that you know beyond any doubt loves you and would NEVER hurt you in any way. You owe that to yourself.
As far as you invading his privacy, it wouldn't be a problem if he wasn't doing something that he KNOWS is wrong. And blocking emails and face book is okay for now. But if he thinks he can sit and do what he's doing while you work to support both of you, then it will eventually become someone he can see while you're at work. Don't put yourself through that. You sound like a sweet girl and you deserve someone to show you not only unconditional love but respect.
Report This| Share this:Emotional Cheating or Actual Cheating?Anon 31159,<br />I feel your pain. I know everybody says that but I do. I was <b>married</b> to ten years to who I thought at the time, was my soul mate. We had a child together and everything seemed fine. We split up once and decided to try and work it out, while we were seperated, he dated someone, when we moved back in together, contact was supposed to stop. She called our house once and I answered the phone and explained I was living back at home and we were trying to work our marriage out, that I would appriciate if she wouldn't contact him again. As far as I knew at the time, they didn't talk, hah. I could feel us growing apart again and after about 3 months, we split up again. Our son, who was 7 at the time, was meeting this woman days after we split for the 2nd time. My ex husband is now married to her!<br />I tell you this stroy to see that there is hope, you just can't see it when you're in the middle of the situation. I am happily married again to my best friend, and we have two children together and I couldn't be happier. Is our marriage perfect, no, nothing is. But I know this, I know he molves me and our children, all three of them. And I know he would never hurt me like that. But it took me being hurt once by my ex, to be able to see that and trust him and his love.<br />I would advise for you to end this relationship, it will only get worse. And to support him financially while he messes with other women online is disrespectful to yourself. If you don't respect yourself no man ever will. Of course he loves you and doesn't want to end things, he can sit on his lazy butt and do nothing except have emotional affirs while you work to support you and him, why would he want to lose that? <br />You deserve better, find someone that you know beyond any doubt loves you and would NEVER hurt you in any way. You owe that to yourself.<br />As far as you invading his privacy, it wouldn't be a problem if he wasn't doing something that he KNOWS is wrong. And blocking emails and face book is okay for now. But if he thinks he can sit and do what he's doing while you work to support both of you, then it will eventually become someone he can see while you're at work. Don't put yourself through that. You sound like a sweet girl and you deserve someone to show you not only unconditional love but <b><i>respect</i></b>.
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