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WebMD Community Talk Show

Serving up a new debate daily, this is the place where putting up your dukes and defending your opinion is encouraged.

Last Reply:

Should You Call StepKids YOUR Kids?

Olivia_WebMD_Staff posted:

A Twitter battle between singer LeAnn Rhimes and her new husband's ex over LeAnn referring to her step sons as "her boys" has brought a debate about stepchildren to the forefront.

This particular situation aside, what stand do you take: Is it okay for stepparents to refer to stepkids as theirs?

Why or why not?

Olivia

10 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Should You Call StepKids YOUR Kids?A Twitter battle between singer LeAnn Rhimes and her new husband's ex over <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/04/leann-rimes-brandi-glanvi_n_2238524.html">LeAnn referring to her step sons as "her boys"</a> has brought a debate about stepchildren to the forefront. This particular situation aside, what stand do you take: Is it okay for stepparents to refer to stepkids as theirs? Why or why not? Olivia

butterflygarden responded:

I am not a stepparent, but I know several. And, ALL of them think of their stepkids as their own. IMO, that's the way it should be.

Regardless of how you ended up being in the parenting role, you're in it. You should love and respect those kids as they were your own, and expect the same from them (with patience, of course.)

The yuck that happened between the adults that led to divorce and remarriage has nothing to do with the kids, and the adults should put that stuff aside to raise healthy children.

All that said, I know that in so many instances it is far from easy. My heart goes out to blended families, and I wish them peace and joy.

Butterfly

Report This| Share this:Should You Call StepKids YOUR Kids?I am not a stepparent, but I know several. And, ALL of them think of their stepkids as their own. IMO, that's the way it should be. Regardless of how you ended up being in the parenting role, you're in it. You should love and respect those kids as they were your own, and expect the same from them (with patience, of course.) The yuck that happened between the adults that led to divorce and remarriage has nothing to do with the kids, and the adults should put that stuff aside to raise healthy children. All that said, I know that in so many instances it is far from easy. My heart goes out to blended families, and I wish them peace and joy. Butterfly

FCL responded:

I think it is utterly childish to not want another person to care enough about your children to call them "her boys". Pure and simple jealousy. She obviously cares more about herself than her sons' wellbeing.

Report This| Share this:Should You Call StepKids YOUR Kids?I think it is utterly childish to not want another person to care enough about your children to call them "her boys". Pure and simple jealousy. She obviously cares more about herself than her sons' wellbeing.

bpcookie responded:

When I had step children I used to call them my own children. They called me mom. So I don't see anything wrong with it. But I don't think it should be forced upon anyone.

Report This| Share this:Should You Call StepKids YOUR Kids?When I had step children I used to call them my own children. They called me mom. So I don't see anything wrong with it. But I don't think it should be forced upon anyone.

loraven responded:

as a lifetime member of a split family i can only advocate a step-parent having a feeling of strong kinship. when you grow up in a split family, there will be many cases of the child or children feeling that they do not get as much love as a child in a "normal" family; no matter the adults true intentions. it's a simple matter of "how can they love me if i'm not there?" so when a person who is not truly related to you comes up and says "i don't care, i love you and you are now mine too" it adds to their self worth. the only time this could go wrong is if a parent decides to take the place of the other parent. that never works out. the best way to look at it is not in terms of mine and yours; but rather as there is now one more person willing to love this child unconditionally.

Report This| Share this:Should You Call StepKids YOUR Kids?as a lifetime member of a split family i can only advocate a step-parent having a feeling of strong kinship. when you grow up in a split family, there will be many cases of the child or children feeling that they do not get as much love as a child in a "normal" family; no matter the adults true intentions. it's a simple matter of "how can they love me if i'm not there?" so when a person who is not truly related to you comes up and says "i don't care, i love you and you are now mine too" it adds to their self worth. the only time this could go wrong is if a parent decides to take the place of the other parent. that never works out. the best way to look at it is not in terms of mine and yours; but rather as there is now one more person willing to love this child unconditionally.

tia2grandma responded:

Not the way she did it! My husband of 23 years has 2 kids 1 step frm previous relationship we have 2 kids and 2 grandkids and his 3 kids have 7 kids= 9 Grandkids total we have and I Proudly wear the hat of STEPMOM and GRANDMA!!! She did it on purpose she knows she can never be anything but a STEPMOM!!! My kids all call me Mom and grandma when were all together yet I must say I also will say things like where my kids at when looking for anyone of them or picking them up it never crossed our minds to say anything different as they will say hi mom when we meet or call.

Report This| Share this:Should You Call StepKids YOUR Kids?Not the way she did it! My husband of 23 years has 2 kids 1 step frm previous relationship we have 2 kids and 2 grandkids and his 3 kids have 7 kids= 9 Grandkids total we have and I Proudly wear the hat of STEPMOM and GRANDMA!!! She did it on purpose she knows she can never be anything but a STEPMOM!!! My kids all call me Mom and grandma when were all together yet I must say I also will say things like where my kids at when looking for anyone of them or picking them up it never crossed our minds to say anything different as they will say hi mom when we meet or call.

Kathi758 responded:

OK..this is the answer you all have been waiting for... I am 54, I hhave 5 step kids 13 step grandkids and 1 child and 2 grandchildren. When you become a parent you SHOULD stop worring about me, me ,me and become focused on what is good for the kids... meaning another person to love your child is a good thing.. right?? or are you so selfish that you want to hog them???? I call all my kids mine, we never allowed the word step into our home. The grandbabies are all mine too and the more love there is the more that grows from it. it's all a state of mind. not to say all was perfect we had trials and duct tape was discussed as a method to silence the teenage mouth, but we worked hard to raise the kids and they have all done well it was hard but we are commited to them as children "our" children.

Report This| Share this:Should You Call StepKids YOUR Kids?OK..this is the answer you all have been waiting for... I am 54, I hhave 5 step kids 13 step grandkids and 1 child and 2 grandchildren. When you become a parent you SHOULD stop worring about me, me ,me and become focused on what is good for the kids... meaning another person to love your child is a good thing.. right?? or are you so selfish that you want to hog them???? I call all my kids mine, we never allowed the word step into our home. The grandbabies are all mine too and the more love there is the more that grows from it. it's all a state of mind. not to say all was perfect we had trials and duct tape was discussed as a method to silence the teenage mouth, but we worked hard to raise the kids and they have all done well it was hard but we are commited to them as children "our" children.

FCL replied to Kathi758's response:

Great answer, Kathi758!

Report This| Share this:Should You Call StepKids YOUR Kids?Great answer, Kathi758!

itsashayduh replied to FCL's response:

The sad truth is that there are step parents that are worth more than "blood" parents.
My mother's dad had walk out of her life when she was only 3 along with her mother and 2 siblings. My Gradmother then married an amazing man, my grandpa, which my grandma had 4 more children with. My grandpa never not once refered to the previous 3 children as "step" children and my mother had never called him "step" dad. He was an amazing man and took all 7 of those kids as his own and not just the 4 that were his.
The only reason that someone would be upset about thier child calling some one else "mom" or "dad" is if they were not a prize parent. Anyone that could give so much love as to call a child that is not blood theirs, as alot of love to give.

Report This| Share this:Should You Call StepKids YOUR Kids?The sad truth is that there are step parents that are worth more than "blood" parents. My mother's dad had walk out of her life when she was only 3 along with her mother and 2 siblings. My Gradmother then married an amazing man, my grandpa, which my grandma had 4 more children with. My grandpa never not once refered to the previous 3 children as "step" children and my mother had never called him "step" dad. He was an amazing man and took all 7 of those kids as his own and not just the 4 that were his. The only reason that someone would be upset about thier child calling some one else "mom" or "dad" is if they were not a prize parent. Anyone that could give so much love as to call a child that is not blood theirs, as alot of love to give.

lystra responded:

Not all the time, It matter how the people met. If the new stepparent came in when there parents were still married then no. It this person cared about the kids then they would never come between a family. You took one of the parents now you want to take the child. That's like twisting the knife. You din't get a free pass because you're married. Why should these kids trust you.

Report This| Share this:Should You Call StepKids YOUR Kids?Not all the time, It matter how the people met. If the new stepparent came in when there parents were still married then no. It this person cared about the kids then they would never come between a family. You took one of the parents now you want to take the child. That's like twisting the knife. You din't get a free pass because you're married. Why should these kids trust you.

j9Celeste replied to Kathi758's response:

I agree completely Kathi. I was never able to have my own children and when I married a man with two children I saw this as an opportunity to give my love and time to his children. He did have full custody of his children so they lived with us. They do call me by my name, but introduce me and refer to me as their mom. And yes, my grandchildren are my grandchildren! Since I raised the children, I earned that title!

Report This| Share this:Should You Call StepKids YOUR Kids?I agree completely Kathi. I was never able to have my own children and when I married a man with two children I saw this as an opportunity to give my love and time to his children. He did have full custody of his children so they lived with us. They do call me by my name, but introduce me and refer to me as their mom. And yes, my grandchildren are my grandchildren! Since I raised the children, I earned that title!

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