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WebMD Community Talk Show

Serving up a new debate daily, this is the place where putting up your dukes and defending your opinion is encouraged.

Last Reply:

He's cheating...will you tell?

Olivia_WebMD_Staff posted:

You have a friend whose spouse or SO is cheating. Do you tell your friend? Or, do you keep it on the down-low?

Tell us what you'd do and defend your position!

24 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:He's cheating...will you tell?You have a friend whose spouse or SO is cheating. Do you tell your friend? Or, do you keep it on the down-low? Tell us what you'd do and defend your position!

Sweetangel1984 responded:

Depends on how close my friend and I are I will tell her...

But I don't want to be the one responsible for ending a marriage though it was the cheating that caused it.

It's a tuff one

Report This| Share this:He's cheating...will you tell?Depends on how close my friend and I are I will tell her... But I don't want to be the one responsible for ending a marriage though it was the cheating that caused it. It's a tuff one

missashley1010 responded:

Iv been in this situation. I did tell my best friend she was in denial she didnt exactly resent me but she distant herself from me to "fix" her relationship...ultamitaly she caught him red handed and ended it.

Report This| Share this:He's cheating...will you tell?Iv been in this situation. I did tell my best friend she was in denial she didnt exactly resent me but she distant herself from me to "fix" her relationship...ultamitaly she caught him red handed and ended it.

tmlmtlrl responded:

Yes, I would tell my friend.

My position is that she is my friend and as a friend that is exactly what I would expect her to do for me. I am referring to my best friend.

Report This| Share this:He's cheating...will you tell?Yes, I would tell my friend. My position is that she is my friend and as a friend that is exactly what I would expect her to do for me. I am referring to my best friend.

An_242149 responded:

I would tell only if I knew 100% sure that there was cheating going on. Meaning I would have to witness something. How would you feel if it was you that was being cheated on and people knew but didn't want to tell you.

Report This| Share this:He's cheating...will you tell?I would tell only if I knew 100% sure that there was cheating going on. Meaning I would have to witness something. How would you feel if it was you that was being cheated on and people knew but didn't want to tell you.

IslandL responded:

Having been cheated on myself, finding out that others knew about it when I didn't, made me feel awkward to be around them. I understood also though that they didn't feel it was their place to get involved.

If I saw or heard something that made me suspect a close friend's SO may be cheating, I would give the friend the information I had. With a casual friend/co-worker I probably wouldn't. And I would hope never to be put on the spot about it. Sometimes people 'know' what they don't want to know - and pointing it out doesn't win you any points. Can strain relationships (or end them) instead. Always a tough call.

Report This| Share this:He's cheating...will you tell?Having been cheated on myself, finding out that others knew about it when I didn't, made me feel awkward to be around them. I understood also though that they didn't feel it was their place to get involved. If I saw or heard something that made me suspect a close friend's SO may be cheating, I would give the friend the information I had. With a casual friend/co-worker I probably wouldn't. And I would hope never to be put on the spot about it. Sometimes people 'know' what they don't want to know - and pointing it out doesn't win you any points. Can strain relationships (or end them) instead. Always a tough call.

jenkoelenko responded:

I think more along the lines of confronting the cheater, letting them know that I know, and giving them an opportunity to make it right with my friend, or their SO (if it is my friend that is cheating) Call them out on it! They know that they shouldn't be doing it, and most time, it seems, they seem to enjoy the secrecy... don't let them continue to think that no one knows. That's what makes sense to me.

Report This| Share this:He's cheating...will you tell?I think more along the lines of confronting the cheater, letting them know that I know, and giving them an opportunity to make it right with my friend, or their SO (if it is my friend that is cheating) Call them out on it! They know that they shouldn't be doing it, and most time, it seems, they seem to enjoy the secrecy... don't let them continue to think that no one knows. That's what makes sense to me.

Yellowgirl28 responded:

Would I tell...it depends. You should know if your "real" friend wants to know in a situation like this because we all have had this convo over a glass of wine or such. However tread lightly. As for me...I WANT TO KNOW and all of my BFFs know this. I would be LIVID if my BFF knew and did not tell me. If you haven't yet had the convo with your BFF make sure you do because in this day and age infidelity is rampid.

Report This| Share this:He's cheating...will you tell?Would I tell...it depends. You should know if your "real" friend wants to know in a situation like this because we all have had this convo over a glass of wine or such. However tread lightly. As for me...I WANT TO KNOW and all of my BFFs know this. I would be LIVID if my BFF knew and did not tell me. If you haven't yet had the convo with your BFF make sure you do because in this day and age infidelity is rampid.

IsabelAradia responded:

I would tell if I was perfectly sure I knew. This happened to me recently, with a friend of mine whose hubby was cheating on her. I used to see him with the women, and eventually, I got the nerve to tell her. Turns out he'd left her for about 6 months, claiming work, and she always thought he was cheating. She had her doubts confirmed. :S

Report This| Share this:He's cheating...will you tell?I would tell if I was perfectly sure I knew. This happened to me recently, with a friend of mine whose hubby was cheating on her. I used to see him with the women, and eventually, I got the nerve to tell her. Turns out he'd left her for about 6 months, claiming work, and she always thought he was cheating. She had her doubts confirmed. :S

HeIsNcontrol responded:

Yes, if i dont i am not a friend right? I sure would want me friend to tell me something like that

Report This| Share this:He's cheating...will you tell?Yes, if i dont i am not a friend right? I sure would want me friend to tell me something like that

Torcal responded:

I wouldn't say anything that could possibly hurt anyone including me. Therefore, I'd keep my mouth shut. Reasons:

1. I would prove myself untrustworthy of maintaining the confidences of others. The cheater has friends too.

2. Cheating is not uncommon even among happy couples. Maybe it's just a one time thing that never happens again. My blundering may irrevocably damage or even end a loving relationship that could have survived a lifetime.

3. Perhaps my friend already knows about his/her daliances and is trying to decide what to do. My telling would put psychological pressure on my friend to make a quick decision that might not be right just to show me that he/she is not indecisive. I don't think that my friend would be my friend much longer particularly if my information led to unpleasant consequences. Or, maybe they have an "open" marriage, in which case my friend would cut me off rather than try to explain.

4. What the hell does "cheating" mean? I'm no moral guru. And, to be shure, I don't have all the facts.

5. In sum, what other people do with their lives is simply none of my business. I only involve myself when specifically asked. And if my friend asked whether his/her SO is "cheating" I'd say that I have no idea. I don't. I don't have all the facts and, besides, I don't even know what "cheating" means.

Report This| Share this:He's cheating...will you tell?I wouldn't say anything that could possibly hurt anyone including me. Therefore, I'd keep my mouth shut. Reasons: 1. I would prove myself untrustworthy of maintaining the confidences of others. The cheater has friends too. 2. Cheating is not uncommon even among happy couples. Maybe it's just a one time thing that never happens again. My blundering may irrevocably damage or even end a loving relationship that could have survived a lifetime. 3. Perhaps my friend already knows about his/her daliances and is trying to decide what to do. My telling would put psychological pressure on my friend to make a quick decision that might not be right just to show me that he/she is not indecisive. I don't think that my friend would be my friend much longer particularly if my information led to unpleasant consequences. Or, maybe they have an "open" marriage, in which case my friend would cut me off rather than try to explain. 4. What the hell does "cheating" mean? I'm no moral guru. And, to be shure, I don't have all the facts. 5. In sum, what other people do with their lives is simply none of my business. I only involve myself when specifically asked. And if my friend asked whether his/her SO is "cheating" I'd say that I have no idea. I don't. I don't have all the facts and, besides, I don't even know what "cheating" means.

bob249 responded:

If the definition of cheating is sex with someone other than the spouse/SO, then my answer is:

The primary purpose of sex is procreation.

Yes, sex is a pleasurable, life-affirming experience, but that is secondary to creating life.

I can think of nothing more crushing than finding out the child I was raising was fathered by someone else.

If I was certain sex was occurring, then, like jenkoelenko , I would tell the person having sex with my friend that he/she has a week to 'fess up. If I haven't heard back from my friend by then, I would tell him/her myself.

Report This| Share this:He's cheating...will you tell?If the definition of cheating is sex with someone other than the spouse/SO, then my answer is: The primary purpose of sex is procreation. Yes, sex is a pleasurable, life-affirming experience, but that is secondary to creating life. I can think of nothing more crushing than finding out the child I was raising was fathered by someone else. If I was certain sex was occurring, then, like <a href="http://exchanges.webmd.com/debates-community/groupstory/16762953">jenkoelenko</a> , I would tell the person having sex with my friend that he/she has a week to 'fess up. If I haven't heard back from my friend by then, I would tell him/her myself.

3point14 responded:

Absolutely not. I've learned the hard way to stay out of other peoples' relationships, good or bad. I wouldn't say anything unless I was asked, but really what goes on between people should stay between them. I wouldn't want to be told.

I'm the queen of putting my head in the sand intentionally with this kind of thing, though, and usually if there's something going on or if I think there is, I try to distance myself from it.

Report This| Share this:He's cheating...will you tell?Absolutely not. I've learned the hard way to stay out of other peoples' relationships, good or bad. I wouldn't say anything unless I was asked, but really what goes on between people should stay between them. I wouldn't want to be told. I'm the queen of putting my head in the sand intentionally with this kind of thing, though, and usually if there's something going on or if I think there is, I try to distance myself from it.

14312033 responded:

I will talk to the person cheating before talking to my friend, and maybe to the person he/she is cheating with. That person might not know the other one is committed.

Report This| Share this:He's cheating...will you tell?I will talk to the person cheating before talking to my friend, and maybe to the person he/she is cheating with. That person might not know the other one is committed.

brunosbud responded:

I would tell...Unless, I was the "cheatee".

Report This| Share this:He's cheating...will you tell?I would tell...Unless, I was the "cheatee".

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