Would you tell if you saw someone cheating?
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Haylen_WebMD_Staff posted:
In our Relationships and Coping Community there are many discussions about all kinds of relationship issues.

Here's a sticky situation - if you saw an acquaintance looking cozy with someone other than their own husband or wife would you say something or alert the other spouse?

Share your thoughts here!

Haylen
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kai2009 responded:
It would all depend how well i know the person and all. But then how do we know theyre cheating if we see someone they know for example out eating together could be a cousin or family mbr. But if i saw my best friends husband out with another female i would call her right away and tell her what i saw.
 
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marysings responded:
I don't think I would tell. I would not like being in the middle of a marital dispute.

If I saw someone stealing in a store, I would tell and then walk away.
 
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Jeune1 responded:
Nope. Unless the getting cozy was unambiguous I'd have no idea what was going on. And then there are couples who are in open relationships, so I'd have to know that also wasn't the case. However, if I was very certain that the spouse/partner of someone I knew very well was stepping outside of the agreed upon bounds of the relationship, I might walk up to the spouse and say hi. Just to freak him/her out a bit.
 
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PooperScooper22 responded:
Heck no, The only way I would alert the other individual is if they were very close friends or family. It's not my business to get in between a marriage. If the other spouse involved doesn't suspect anything than it would be more their fault for not knowing their spouse deeply enough to sense the infidelity. If the two parties really loved each other, there shouldn't be any confusion. Then again, I've never been married so I'm just speaking from observation.
 
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RenodaBoo responded:
No, I wouldn't. For one, if the cheater is a close friend of mine and I confront that friend, he or she may just side with "the lover" and chastise me for being a busy body and sticking my nose in their business. It could get sticky especially with two consenting adults.

I would tell if I knew for certain that my friend's extra marital relationship could cause harm.
 
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fcl replied to Jeune1's response:
I like the idea of going up to the cheater and saying "hi" It would let him/her know that you knew and make them (hopefully) make the right decision (OK - so I like the idea of making them sweat too). If asked not to reveal what I saw to the spouse I would answer that s/he had 7 days in which to tell their spouse and after that ...
 
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Hannah48810 responded:
I would not tell. Some things should stay private and you don't wanna see like "the nosy neighbor." And I don't wanna ruin someone's marriage over someone who might only be a good friend of your acquaintance.
 
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An_241873 replied to Hannah48810's response:
Whether or not you tell or someone else does, does not mean that it will ruin a marriage. YOU don't the cheater does. This just happened to me recently. I'm the victim of a cheating husband. My friend alerted me to what her husband saw and I appreciated it and told her I would confront my husband. Turns out it was all true and more. Our marriage aid shattered but we are slowly picking up the pieces and trying to make a stronger foundation. If my friend had not been a good friend and told me I would probably not know. I love her and nothing between us or her and my husband is weird or difficult. Plus my best friend is also my husbands cousin which made it easier for her to approach me. I think she did the best thing and I would hope that anyone would of done what she did. She didn't damage our relationship my husband did. And I'll never blame her for it. Just a different perspective for all of you to keep in mind.
 
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lukeperry responded:
I wouldn't now. That has happened to me at least 3 times,(I saw my best friend's husband out cheating) When I told, I was called a liar all 3 times, and they stopped speaking to me for a year.

What made them start speaking to me again was, they finally caught there husband's themselves. Not one of the girls apologized to me, for calling me a liar. I made up with them, but we were never really friends again. What were they thinking my reason was for lying?

I can tell you this, I'd want you to tell me!

Luke
 
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An_246002 replied to Jeune1's response:
this is funny, i did this the other day. i work in a hospital as a registration clerk and i walked in a room to find one of my best friends bf's with another girl. he had that "oh crap" look on his face and it was priceless. I told him it was none of my business why he was there or who he was with and that according to HIPPA law, I couldnt even tell her that I saw him there. well the two of them started arguing and she went to the car at which time he said. "im gonna tell her im here anyway because im a real man, im just here with her cuz i needed a ride." (yeah right) so he called her and said he was there and dont be mad...but omitted some details apparently becuase when I talked to her later about it she said he acted strangely about it and i said well did he said who he was with? she said some guys name. lol nope and i told her the girl he was really with ... i was like what a dummy! its not against the law for me to saw SHE was there...shes not a patient!! hahahah! it was PRICELESS!!
 
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Jeune1 replied to An_246002's response:
That made me laugh so hard. Especially when you mentioned HIPAA. He went away thinking he's protected by federal privacy regs.

Bravo to you!
 
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LtColC responded:
Be very careful friends: I personally know of a wife to had three quick "revenge affairs" when a concerned friend let her know that her husband was cheating.

It turned out the husband was not cheating (he was not totally innocent either: he was too close to a barmaid, and was seen chatting her up).

The marriage could have probably survived the disclosure of and confrontation over the friendship, but it did not survive the wife's revenge.
 
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LilMcGill responded:
Can you say, "Shoot the messenger"?
 
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Aprillaj responded:
Yes I think you should tell they other spouse, I have done it before and my friend was mad at me for awhile, but I didn't think it was right that he was out messing around then going home and sleeping with my friend. It took her awhile but we are talking and she is no longer with him because he continued to cheat. She has someone who treats her good, so I'm glad that i did what I did.