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needing to reach out
Adelissa posted:
Hi I wasn't sure if I should post here or in anxiety it goes hand in hand. I have battled depression for 14 years but today has been particularly bad. My autistic niece whom I am raising out of the blue peed on the carpet and I tried to clean it up but idk if I got the smell completely out and that triggered the helpless alone feeling. I feel so alone. I live with my father and brother but I might as well live alone, and my sisters hate my brother so they don't come over anymore. I feel like collateral damage. This all started when my mom died in 2010. She was my rock. Everything feels so hard. I usually can lose myself in escapism (video games/reading) but not today, the guilt is eating me away too. Things I know I should do I can't seem to. On medication, and it has worked for a long time but now it isn't. I am so tired of feeling like I have the world on my shoulders. I love my niece and she is the best part of my life. I just wish I had more help/freedom to be sick once in a while. I also have some physical ailments that make doing things hard.
twodayzgn responded:
Hi. I can relate to your situation and I'm hoping to give you some words of encouragement. I've been battling depression for the past 5 years and its gotten so much worse just in the past few months. I feel like a liability to my family/my husband, and my brother and father have bailed on me. I know what it feels like to have those moments when you question "what the heck am I doing here?" This coupled with my ongoing health issues, my life seems to have come to a screeching hault. My mother died when I was 24 years old, but it seems like yesterday because she was my everything!! It hurts to know I have hobbies and interests that I just can't seem to want or desire to do anymore! I used to love writing, but can't seem to find the strength to even pick up a pen these days! Its like my body and soul have been sucked out and I'm just a walking meat suit! One thing after another has challenged my sanity and my will to keep going! I don't have all the answers, but I believe there is a purpose for me and that's what keeps me breathing. While you have responsiblities and people to care fore, I'm a recent empty-nester. I think what kept me going was that my daughter needed me. Now that she's 21 and is moving out this week, we're both in transition mode. For me, the weight of the world isn't on my shoulders. In fact, I feel like I am a liability to my husband. I am disabled and can't help provide either. Please feel free to talk to me. Sometimes the best medicine is just to have someone to listen to you without judgement or criticism!

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