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Girlfriend of Depressive, Looking for Support
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akm0327 posted:
Hi everyone... bear with me for the long first post here...

I'm a 24 y/o female who has a depressed boyfriend. His depression stems from lengthy and extreme childhood bullying that he has never fully healed from. His depression surfaces in the form of a complete lack of self-esteem and comfortability in himself, and a constant feeling of not being good enough. He told me about his depression about 2 months into dating (we've been together for about 8 months).

Like most, if not all depressives, he has his good days and bad days. He calls his bad days "depressive spells". I truly don't believe he thinks he has full blown depression, but rather just days where he feels worse than others.

I care about him and love him more than anyone, and I want to help him if I can, but his moods (and how they effect me) are starting to effect our relationship. Yesterday, he almost broke up with me after determining that how he is feeling about himself is making him not ready to be in a relationship with me "right now". After a lenghthy conversation it was decided (by him, not me) that it would be worth it for us to try to work through things before calling it quits.

I woke up this morning in a rut and feeling very confused, still somewhat angry, and still unsure of how I am personally going to come back from this. Yesterday was a rollercoaster of emotions and I don't think I am off of said rollercoaster just yet. Much of the conversation yesterday (before deciding to try and work through this) was how he felt he wasn't being fair to me that his feelings are not on par with mine, and how it isn't fair to me that sometimes he just doesn't want to be around anyone, including me.

He says since we have started dating, or at least in the past couple of months, that the dark days have gotten more frequent, and that he was waiting for the happiness. He believed dating someone would stop the dark days. I believe his dark days have increased in frequency due to a significantly increased stress level at work due to being handed triple the amount of projects than he had when we started dating. He is working longer hours (most days are at least 11 hours) and is having no time to exercise or eat right.

Despite these negative feelings, he says has feelings for me and that out of all his friends post-college, from college, and from high school, I am the only person he is actually emotionally vested in. And this is where my confusion begins.

I am very happy that he wants to try to work through all this, but I don't know where we go from here. He says he is going to take the next few weeks to begin exercising more, but that he can't get professional help right now for a number of reasons (I still don't believe he thinks he needs it). I want to help him and be supportive. I don't want to be angry anymore, nor do I want to be confused. I feel I've lost a lot of trust in him for what we went through yesterday, and I'm not sure how to come back from that. I know my first priority is taking care of myself and my wellbeing, but I want to help him and his as well.

Has anyone been in a similar situation or have any advice? I apologize for the lengthy post, but I felt the backstory was necessary to help others understand what is going on.

Thanks so much,
A
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