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FEELING TO BE ALONE AND GUILTY
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jians posted:
EVER SINCE I WAS A KID,IVE EXPERIENCED REJECTION FROM FAMILY AND FRIENDS.I AND MY SIBLINGS KINDA HAVE A SORT OR RIVALRY SINCE WE WERE ALL HONORED STUDENTS.I HAVE A VERY LOW SELF ESTEEM AND FELT EVER SINCE I CANNOT BEAT ANYONE NOT EVEN MYSELF. I GREW UP TRYING TO PLEASE PEOPLE.I END UP ADOPTING THE WRONG BEHAVIORS OF MY FRIENDS EVEN THEIR VICES JUST TO FEEL THAT I BELONG AND SOMEONE LOVES ME AND ACCEPTS ME BUT STILL I FELT THEIR REJECTION.AFTER HIGHSCHOOL I LOST CONTACTS TO THOSE I CALLED FRIENDS AND EVEN THOSE I TREATED WELL ON COLLEGE DO NOT EVEN CHECK ON ME UNTIL NOW NOT EVEN ONLINE.I LOST ALL MY SO CALLED "FRIENDS".LITTLE DID I KNOW THAT FEELING I HAD GREW IN MY HEART LIKE A CANCER KILLING ME STEP BY STEP.I AM NOW IN A CHURCH WERE I KNOW PEOPLE LOVE AND CARE FOR ME BUT SOMEWHERE IN MY HEART DOESNT SEEM TO BE RIGHT.I FEEL TO BE ALONE AND GUILTY.I DONT KNOW HOW TO TELL THEM MY SITUATION.I CRY ALMOST EVERYDAY SEEKING SOME LIGHT IN MY SITUATION.I KNOW I DONT WANT THIS FEELING FOR LONG IM FIGHTING.I WANTED TO START ANEW IN LIFE AND REALIZE THAT THIS THING IS JUST SOMETHING IVE SHOULD HAVE LET GO AND LEFT IN THE PAST.I KNOW SOON GOD WILL TURN THINGS AROUND.I JUST WANT THE PAIN TO STOP CAUSE I KNOW IT DOESNT HELP.
Reply
 
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rohvannyn responded:
First and foremost, I feel for you and I hope you can find some hope for yourself. Something that has helped me in the past is distracting myself. So, even if you will think it's boring or don't see the point, how about learning a new skill? Learn about something you've always been curious about. A few words in a new language, new recipes, stories from a culture you admire, pictures from a place you've always wanted to go.

Get out of your own head. God won't help you a single little bit unless you reach out and help yourself. I truly am not trying to be harsh here, it's just that you don't need platitudes and false comfort, you need real help.
 
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jians replied to rohvannyn's response:
thanks.actually i do like your suggestions i also have thought of doing it just cant find time.Sometimes i would go out and jog and get some exercise.I actually i really wanted to go back to studies again and take the course i really love.,I wanted to be a teacher.I love kids,interacting w/ them really made me happy.honestly i am a sunday school teacher but because of my situation somehow i felt that i am not capable of handling them but whenever i see them how excited they are since we are about to start a new school year,i just cant afford to hurt their feelings.they are actually right now a source of my strength.,thanks by the way for your response.,
 
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rohvannyn replied to jians's response:
I certainly wish you the best in getting back to more formal studies at some point. That can be really nice to do. Something I've had to keep in mind is that it's still possible to learn quite a bit about any chosen subject, in five or ten minute blocks if needed, if you have an internet connection. For example, if you want to learn a language, you can carry word lists around you and study them while you are waiting in line at the bank, or during breaks at work. It took a while for me to realize I didn't need a formal teacher to learn at least some of the subjects I was interested in, but there were amazing resources on the internet. So I learn about art history and geography and Russian and Japanese language, history, and folklore in my spare time, which is sometimes five minute segments.

Motivation is the hardest part. It does get easier with practice. Finding a passion and doing some small thing to get toward it does wonders to help the mood.
 
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jians replied to rohvannyn's response:
thanks i will surely try all your suggestions.I try to study korean and japanese when i was in college but has forgoten it.i might try to do it again.i also look for simple recipes sometimes i would buy words games like word hunt just to keep myself busy not because of my depression but just to have something different aside from my stressful job.somehow i know this sacrifice im doing add a little to my situation.i was actually supporting our youngest in college that's why though i really wanna quit to my current job i cant do it cause i cannot afford to sacrifice his education.i also support some of the family's needs.Im happi and excited though cause next yr he will be graduating on his course.Im starting to set my plans as well after he graduates.,thank you so much for your responses.you suggestions are really helpful to me.,u are definitly a blessing to me.God bless you!i give you follow up soon!lets pray for the best!
 
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rohvannyn replied to jians's response:
Sounds like neat subjects, and I hope you enjoy whatever you decide to do. For a long time one cause to my depression was the fact that I felt my difficult and expensive education had been wasted. Once I got back in to art and actually started trying, as well as started back into my language studies, I felt a lot better about all of it.
 
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jians replied to rohvannyn's response:
yes,i like nature tripping actually but i get depressed when i know no one can come w/ me but its weird as well because there are times that i wanted to go on my own.i kinda feel at peace going somewhere alone.i think i will start to do some of your suggestions this weekend since im not allowed to access somesites in the internet here in the office.im already excited to try new things.,thanks alot!i knew and i can feel this is gonna be a good start for me.thanks again my friend.!i hope u dont mind me calling you friend.,
 
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rohvannyn replied to jians's response:
I certainly don't. Glad I could help, friend!
 
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jians replied to rohvannyn's response:
am really hapi to be a part of this community.,not that im hapi because im not feeling well but because somehow i felt there are people who do understand my feelings and situation..,only those people who are or who has been into the same situation can only understand or advice best.,i felt relief that i was able to share my problem.,thanks again.,


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