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No Reason Not To Smile
AGrinWithoutACat posted:
I have chronic depression. I've been diagnosed with bipolar and borderline personality disorder. I used to cut... well, I guess I still do. It's been months since my last time. Before that time, I had been clean from cutting for over a year. Anyways, situationally, I have everything I need and everything I could ever have wanted. I have absolutely no reason not to be happy... It's hard trying to explain to my family and friends that I can't control my emotions, and that my depression isn't caused by a lack of anything or lack of trying to get rid of it. I keep being told that happiness is a process, it's something you have to work for, something you have to earn almost. I don't know what to do. I'm on medication. I went to therapy for 2 years and I finally ended up just telling them what they wanted to hear in order for them to let me go. I was wasting an hour every week and seeing no progress. I don't know what to do. I find no joy in living. Not to say I don't smile or laugh or have good times and great moments, I do. I have many. However, overall it just never seems enough. My life is a charade. I'm living for my family, especially my 2 little siblings who are 10 and 13 (I call them my midgets). I stopped living for myself years ago. I want someone I can talk to who can understand, who goes through the same thing. I keep losing friends because they can't handle the stuff I tell them about how I feel....
An_253303 responded:
you have a reason to smile: your midgets.
Nobody is going through what you are going through, because they are not you. You are not everyone else either.
that being said, you do not have to pretend anything. you are who you are, you have a right to be who you are. friends who are capable of staying with you when you are not a yuppie are a rarity. if they even talk to you, treat them well.
as for your family, i don't know them, but you've been long enough with them. stop explaining, let them adjust to you instead.
and yes, you deserve it.
don't let shallow, stupid, arrogant people get under your skin.
change your surroundings for a moment. drink something that is not alcohol. do something you like to do.
why do you care what others think? you don't even know if they DO think...
you are smart, you are beautiful, you are who you are and you are good at it.
never give up, never surrender.
AGrinWithoutACat replied to An_253303's response:
thank you

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