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Depressed & more
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Owllady70 posted:
Am a first time user at this site. Have read some comments, posts; so many reasons for depression, & some helpful/some not - responses. I gave up on religion & prayer a long time ago (& lost hope as well). I've been struggling with this since I was 15 (now 70) & it never gets any better (brief respite only to fall back). Have a home library full of self help books, a lifetime of therapists (no therapist in town will take Medicare people anymore, so I have nowhere to turn for support). Add to depression: fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, scoliosis, arthritis (hands & back, severe), chronic pain, extreme food sensitivities, anorexia (fear of eating, & more allergies), malnutrition (under 100 lb.), complicated thyroid problems (I'm having to research, & tell Dr. what to try next), malabsorption syndrome (1 reason I'm starving), total neck fusion, 3 fused fingers, insomnia (diagnosed sleep disorder, not apnea tho), hand tremors, loneliness (husband left me after 32 yr. marriage & I never saw it coming), no family left, no friends, no church (they're all too busy with their own lives, marriage, jobs, kids, friends, etc. to care), & trying to keep up my home & yard alone, with a few that will come mow for me. The yard work is killing me, but at the same time, it's therapy to be out in nature with plants & sunshine sometimes. I can no longer do housework (back pain so bad I can't function) & after the divorce somehow slipped into OCD hoarding disorder (thinking pretty things would make me happy - they did, for a while). I had hobbies, but the arthritis & hand shakes have left them undone (with lots of hoarded supplies ). I don't have a fancy phone or cable TV, & am below the poverty line. I do have 2 cats, & without them, I'd never make it. They make me laugh, keep me attentive to their needs (someone needs me!), & provide me with love & an outlet for me to love them. I've been on every antidepressant there is; have either no results, but more likely bad side effects; no longer take any, & feel better for it. I use a lot of supplements, & SAMe helps, & tryptophan, GABA, theanine, & clonazepam at night help some with sleep, though I still only get 1 1/2 hr. at a time, with another 2 hr. trying to get back to sleep. I am a night owl & never in bed before 2 or up before 12 or 1 pm, & have always been that way. I cannot function mornings, so I don't bother trying to change that. I can't make it to church (if I could make myself want to go); too early, & I'd have to change faiths to find an eve. one, then drive across town to get there; no energy for that. I can't volunteer; can barely take care of myself, & my house is a mess (I used to be a perfectionistic housekeeper & everything else as well). I am very educated, intelligent, & can do many things (sew, photography, hobbies of all sorts, read extensively - non fiction, current interest is quantum physics, garden, can, am a licensed bird rehabilitator, & interested in continuing education/learning). I've been alone too long, always was a loner, now just lonely & depressed, & wish life would end (& have thought about giving it the final push recently). I struggle with too much, not just one or 2 issues; a whole lot of hard stuff. How do I go on, in pain, alone, with no future to look toward, dragging my baggage?
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GwenMarieG responded:
Hi! and first of all, you are Not alone. I also struggle with multiple issues and sometimes feel like giving up but I ask myself, do I want to be dead or just out of pain?
I go to NAMI support groups and it has helped tremendously for me to know that others struggle too and can relate to my problems. There is help out there and you really have to look to find it but recently I have found new doctors through the county mental health system. It is free for me and I get my meds for $5. They have hooked me up with a doctor to treat my many illnesses and I have a new hope that things will get better. Just hang in there. I have always been a loner too but today I have good friends you just have to work at finding them and I do that through AA and Support Groups that are free!
Please know that you are not alone and that there is Hope that things will get better!
XXXXXXXXXXXXX Would hug you if I could!
Take care of you and those cats! I have a guinea pig that saves my life at times.


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