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Beyond Depression
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wishingx200 posted:
I have been diagnosed with "Treatment resistance" depression. On top of that I have four types of Candida overgrowth which instills pain in my muscles, especially the back and neck. Because of the pain I can no longer take care of the housework, cooking or laundry. I don't like to go out in public because the Candida is visible on my skin so I have become a recluse.

My husband was understanding for a while. Now he attacks me verbally on a regular basis. He screams at me that he needs help but at this time the candida mixed with severe depression has left me useless. Nothing is being done about the candida--no money. His company of 42 years went belly up. He had worked up to a good position in construction with a nice paycheck and lot's of extra's. He got another job making $20.00 an hour less with no extras not even health
insurance.

I feel he is taking everything out on me--I cry on a daily basis.
I feel like he hates me because I can't contribute financially exept for my disability check.

There's lots more I could write but this being my first time on this site. I feel so alone--I avoid him as much as possible. I have absouluty no support system except my relation with Christ.

I have been having thoughts of ending my life but because of my beliefs I refrain. But still it's thought about.

Thank you for listening.

Wishingx200

Reply
 
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GwenMarieG responded:
Hang in there. I can relate to what you are going through and suffer with Fibromyalgia and RA also. My husband gets mad that I sleep late and struggle to work part time. I haven't gotten on disability yet. You are contributing though and don't beat yourself up that you cant do more. Do the best you can. I like to sit in the sun for a while each day,it helps the depression.
Also, my husband is trying to get on disability right now, we currently have very little income and I get how hard it is. When my husband blows up at me, I just remind myself that it is because he feels safe to do so. We always blame the people who are safe to blame and that we love.
I know how it feels to have suicidal thoughts but I just keep asking myself do I want to be dead or do I want the pain to stop?
Try to find a support group near you to go to, who cares how you look? You just need to know that you are Not alone!
May God Bless You! XXXXXXXXXX


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