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An_253573 posted:
I have noticed that most often conversation about depression involves adults. I am 56 years old and suffer from depression in silence since I was 5 when I attempted my first suicide. At the age of 9 I was diagnosed with chronic migraines that are severe and last for days at a time, averaging 4 to 5 a week. Although my mother is a Psychologist, she never got a clue and did not help me. By no means, do I feel I am week of mind, dumb or the like. I have since my adulthood been diagnosed with depression and tried several med. Currently I on Setriline. It helps, but only minimally. I am constantly weepy, I can not sleep more than 3 to 4 hours a day. My energy level is minimal. I have no interest in friends, crafts, pastimes...I am in a constant bad mood, that I have learned to manipulate, so people are not prying into my life. I used to be an extrovert, now I live alone with a partner (Loving, caring and wonderful), but it is not enough. Guilt is always on my mind, as well as suicide. I am angry all the time and also get angry of myself for not just doing it, but the thoughts of the anguish I would cause on my grown kids and parents stops me. I have had psychiatric and psychological sessions and they do not seem to work. I do not trust people, especially doctors that at the very first visit give you a label that you will have to live with for life. And truthfully I think they hear but do not listen. So why talk to them. As it is I myself am a psychologist (BA) and currently am pursuing my Masters. Understanding all the scientific studies, symptoms, ways to help, etc...have not helped. If I were to average my life among being happy, sad and depressed/angry, I would have to say the latter. I realize that what I have is an imbalance of chemicals in my brain, and that is the only reason I follow through with the meds. I just wish I could find a way to ammeliorate life just a little to enjoy life. I do feel alone. Alone in thoughts, empty of willingness to live but not afraid of the consequences. I wish, in a certain way the end, whichever it is, to be over.
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itmatsb responded:
It does sound like your depression is probably a chemical imbalance as you suspect. That being the case, I wonder why you have only tried several meds? Are you seeing a good psychiatrist who can also add other meds together to try to help your depression? With you being a psychologist you must know that therapy is not going to help you. My later psychiatrist wasn't into talking much, but trying to treat my depression and asked about my side effects from the meds. If you go to a psychiatrist from a different institution, they can't see your previous medical records of a past diagnosis to label you for life. And if you have tried all the meds, what about light treatment or ECT? Wouldn't it be worth it to find happiness instead of your depression? I had tried every anti-depressant at the time, including an MAO Inhibitor which made me the happiest I had ever been in my life--too happy at times. But due to a bad side effect, I couldn't continue it. I was about to try ECT when my newer psychiatrist diagnosed a sleep disorder which he felt light treatment could help. It did work. And I had been suicidal for years. This was before all the newer anti-depressants were on the market--about 25 to 30 years ago. Then Effexor helped me, but only at a higher dose. I would encourage you to try everything to treat your depression. Good luck.


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