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    I need people to talk to.
    An_253852 posted:
    My depression has been getting so bad recently. I feel so alone as friends I usually talk to about it are starting to get fed up of hearing about it. They tell me they don't want to hear it, that I should just lighten up, etc.
    I've gotten myself into a real mess at work. My coworkers get the impression that I'm in denial of having a drinking problem and don't understand how my depression makes me feel. I want to find a new job, fresh start and turning over a new leaf an' all, but I'm also too scared to meet new people and leave my safety bubble.
    I took myself off my antidepressants nearly a year ago because I was fed up of feeling like a robot with no emotions - after all, it is human to have the need to cry. But it's never been this bad. I'm scared of going back to the doctors in case I'm referred to a hospital. I'm afraid of being judged as having mental health issues. It's like I can hear myself in my head telling/begging me "oh, just kill yourself." I feel that all these problems are my fault - no matter how hard I try to run away from my problems I always create new ones for myself.
    I need help.
    kbriann responded:
    Sorry your going through this. I hope you will reach out for help when you need it and remember that God loves you very much! You are an incredible person!
    Avonlea responded:
    When I was at my lowest, I did go to the hospital. It was the last thing I wanted to do, but it was an important step for me. I learned a lot about depression and I received warm, caring support. I was referred to a helpful outpatient program.

    However, I was so embarrassed about being depressed. I have really had to work at that. It's a disease, but there is a stigma in our society about mental illness. I had to take a leave of absence from work, and I felt humiliated. However, there were a few people who came to me and told me about their depression or that of someone close to them.

    I have had to try many different antidepressants. If you on on a med that makes you feel like a robot, that is not the med for you.

    If you feel that you want to hurt yourself, that is the depression talking. If you feel this is all your fault, that is the depression talking. Believe me, I have been there. Being in a support group helped me a lot. The thing that helped me the most was probably "DBT." DBT is a series of classes that help people deal with mental illness. It is like a toolbox of strategies to help you feel better and take the actions that will help you.

    I wish you the very best, and I'm sorry you are in the middle of this turmoil. You are not alone.

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