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turned 49 severly depressed
Anon_231990 posted:
am severly depressed. i just turned 49 and i am not happy with my life. i have an only child that i worry about constantly. i wanted at least one more child but miscarried when my son was 5 months old. this was 10 1/2 years ago. i am still crying over it. the other problem is he has no friends after school, no one EVER comes over, he doesn't go to anyones house, he has mild autism, and to top it off, my family is disfunctional and doesn't bother with me or him. my husband's family only has one 17 year old boy and that's it. what a sh---- hand i have been dealt. i know people will say stop complaining but i worry he wont have any family when he gets older especially when were gone. why didn't god give him just one sibling? someone please help me!!
rohvannyn responded:
Sounds like a really tough situation. I'm not going to tell you to stop complaining. Have others done this a lot before? It's true, it doesn't do any good to complain unless you have a plan to change things. But I wouldn't tell you to stop, that's your choice! What most people don't realize is how much choice we really have. WIth every interaction in life we choose how we deal with it. Society is teaching us the opposite. We get the message that we are helpless every day. But we're not.

It's going to feel like you have no choice. A lot of excuses why nothing can be done about the situation may come up. I know it does that when I start telling myself I have choice. But that's just the mind trying to stay in the old rut. No matter what, you can always take control of one thing- yourself. If someone treats you badly, you have the right to ask them to stop. If your son doesn't have freinds, you may be able to find free youth groups in the area or ask about after school activities. At least you could take walks with him. Something, anything, just as long as you make a little progress. As long as you focus on what you wanted but didn't get, that's all you will see. As hard as it might seem, you have to begin to allow yourself to see that better things might come. If you don't, nothing will. Not because I say so, just because it's true.

Have compassion for yourself. You are doing the best you can. But you may be taking on more pain than you really need to. Find little moments of peace wherever you can. Celebrate little victories, wherever you can, even if it's just waking up in the morning and realizing that you are still alive. Stand up for yourself, gently, politely, but stand up. Don't let people walk all over you if that's happening.

I am only giving advice becasue you said for someone to please help you. This is the very best help I can give. I wish you, and your beautiful son, the best.

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