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    CO DEPENDANT ISSUES
    avatar
    amailia posted:
    I have been diagnosed with codependency. I always put others needs ahead of my own. This disease has made me very vulnerable and my kids take advantage of me. Why is it so hard for me to say "NO"

    I have had medical treatment for this. I was in treatment for six weeks.

    I feel my major depression does not help me in this situation.

    Are there any others in the group who have this problem?
    Reply
     
    avatar
    amailia responded:
    I have Childhood Onset of Codependency

    Begins in family of origin when the family you are raised in does not foster or support healthy behaviors

    If as a child you survived trauma (physical abuse, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, neglect)

    Where parents or a family member has an addiction, mental illness, codependency, chronic illness. etc.

    As a child healthy behaviours not seen or taught so the child creates ways to survive in the family (this is me!).

    People with Codependency develop specific types of behavior and responses to other people and the world around them based on their acceptance of a set of rules which are dysfunctional. Some of my patterns are:

    OVERLY RESPONSIBLE:
    sense of persons responsibility for all life's troubles
    compulsive caretaking of others
    rescuing others from their responsibilities and natural consequences of their behavior
    desire to change of fix selfish, needy, or dependent people

    EXTERNALLY FOCUSED
    focus is on people and things outside of myself
    absorb feelings, thoughts, and beliefs from others rather than from my own
    do things in order to receive approval from others
    meaning for life comes from relationships with others
    loss of relationship with myself

    CONTROL
    feel controlled by others people's anger
    difficulty being spontaneous and having fun

    SELF ESTEEM
    loss of self-esteem and self worth
    suppress my needs and feelings
    guilt about imperfections and making mistakes
    abandoning myself by putting others first to my detriment
    I feel ashamed of who I am
    I settle for being needed rather than loved
    I feel angry, guilty and deprived
    I get artificial feelings of self-worth from helping others
    I don't trust my feelings, decisions, myself or others
    I don't seek help from others
    perfectionism - I place unrealistic expectations on myself or others
    I feel powerless; no way to win so why try
    hard to make decision or mind paralyzed when I try to make decisions; fear of making mistakes
    I believe I can make others feel better

    My other Issues:

    RELATIONSHIPS
    DIFFICULTY IDENTIFYING AND EXPRESSING MY FEELINGS
    COMMUNICATION
    BOUNDARIES
     
    avatar
    jim531 responded:
    I've always had the same problem because I've always had low self esteem. I've never been firm with people because I need to be liked instead of respected. I spoil people too much and also let people take advantage of me because I'm afraid of confrontation. I'm afraid of being firm because they might get mad at me. Because you have major depression I'm sure you have self esteem issues also. Hope this helps and good luck!!


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