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CO DEPENDANT ISSUES
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amailia posted:
I have been diagnosed with codependency. I always put others needs ahead of my own. This disease has made me very vulnerable and my kids take advantage of me. Why is it so hard for me to say "NO"

I have had medical treatment for this. I was in treatment for six weeks.

I feel my major depression does not help me in this situation.

Are there any others in the group who have this problem?
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amailia responded:
I have Childhood Onset of Codependency

Begins in family of origin when the family you are raised in does not foster or support healthy behaviors

If as a child you survived trauma (physical abuse, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, neglect)

Where parents or a family member has an addiction, mental illness, codependency, chronic illness. etc.

As a child healthy behaviours not seen or taught so the child creates ways to survive in the family (this is me!).

People with Codependency develop specific types of behavior and responses to other people and the world around them based on their acceptance of a set of rules which are dysfunctional. Some of my patterns are:

OVERLY RESPONSIBLE:
sense of persons responsibility for all life's troubles
compulsive caretaking of others
rescuing others from their responsibilities and natural consequences of their behavior
desire to change of fix selfish, needy, or dependent people

EXTERNALLY FOCUSED
focus is on people and things outside of myself
absorb feelings, thoughts, and beliefs from others rather than from my own
do things in order to receive approval from others
meaning for life comes from relationships with others
loss of relationship with myself

CONTROL
feel controlled by others people's anger
difficulty being spontaneous and having fun

SELF ESTEEM
loss of self-esteem and self worth
suppress my needs and feelings
guilt about imperfections and making mistakes
abandoning myself by putting others first to my detriment
I feel ashamed of who I am
I settle for being needed rather than loved
I feel angry, guilty and deprived
I get artificial feelings of self-worth from helping others
I don't trust my feelings, decisions, myself or others
I don't seek help from others
perfectionism - I place unrealistic expectations on myself or others
I feel powerless; no way to win so why try
hard to make decision or mind paralyzed when I try to make decisions; fear of making mistakes
I believe I can make others feel better

My other Issues:

RELATIONSHIPS
DIFFICULTY IDENTIFYING AND EXPRESSING MY FEELINGS
COMMUNICATION
BOUNDARIES
 
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jim531 responded:
I've always had the same problem because I've always had low self esteem. I've never been firm with people because I need to be liked instead of respected. I spoil people too much and also let people take advantage of me because I'm afraid of confrontation. I'm afraid of being firm because they might get mad at me. Because you have major depression I'm sure you have self esteem issues also. Hope this helps and good luck!!


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