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Help, my husband just admitted he thinks he is depressed
Anon_14539 posted:
My husband and i have been together since we were 16 years old, we have grown up together, shared our dreams together, survived hard times together and experiences losses together. We have been there for each other through thick and thin and everything in between.

Recently my husband admitted to me that he thought he was depressed, this was the first time he has said it out loud, but it only came out as a result from a heated argument.

He snaps at me and cuts me down very frequently, he tells me that I dont understand all of the time, he stays up all night and goes to bed about an hour before I leave for work in the morning and he sleeps all day and on the weekends he blows off our plans by sleeping all morning into the late afternoon. He has told me that he has no holiday spirit and he thinks that I am cramming it down his throat, which I have been respecting his feelings and have let things happen at his own pace, by keeping things simple, yet I am still being blamed for loving the holidays and for me it is a way to honor our loved ones that we have lost.

Of course there is a lot more to this story, but for the sake of keeping things fairly vague I wont go into it all.

He does not have health insurance and he is not one to go talk to a councelor or take medication even though it would be the best thing for him. I just dont know what else I can do, I have stood by and supported him to the best of my ability, but it is seriously draining on me. I feel alone, sad, angry and not appreciated, like an empty shell going through the motions and tip toeing around not to upset him. I dont want to give up on him, but I dont know what else to do. I feel like I am loosing him and also loosing my true self.
rohvannyn responded:
I have a pretty good idea of what you are going through, I think, and have been on both sides of this. It's not easy to deal with, not at all. He is going through really hard times and so are you. Counseling would help, sure, but what that is for is learning how to communicate with each other and be clear about each other's needs so you can work together. You can learn that on your own if you need to though it won't be easy.

If you can find a way to communicate some of these feelings you are having with him, in a non confrontational way, that might help. Also, openly listen to what he has to say. You both need support. Perhaps, get his manly problem solving side into it... if you have something you really need, ask him for his help with it. Let him know you love him. Try to be direct but gentle, and approach him at time when he's calm. I hope you can be there for each other in your mutual time of need.

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