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Just want to die
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bailey78 posted:
Wish I could fall asleep and let it be over. So much pain and I am tired. Nothing bad currently happening, just so tired of it all and it just keeps getting worse. I go to work every day because I have to but other than that, I sit in a chair stuck in my own head. I need help
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bmt71 responded:
Bailey,
I understand how you feel, I dont understand the purpose or meaning of it all. I eat, try to sleep, work, and watch TV. Just to do it again the next day. I dont see the point. I'm not happy, I'm just alive to feel my own physical aches & pains, to watch the negative stuff happen around me. I question how it is I can't deal with life, and other ppl can? I wonder if I'm more of a hindrance to my family than I am a help. I take my antidepressants, have been unable to find a real phycologist to talk with. Some days...like yesterday I go to bed and just hope I dont wake back up. Its hard because I dont think the average person understands what it is like to live in this cold,dark, place inside our heads.
 
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bailey78 replied to bmt71's response:
Bmt. I certainly know how you feel. It's just not fair to be so miserable all of the time and it is hard to accept it is mental health issues and not my own fault as I need to make some changes to my life. I have pushed all of my friends and family away except for my immediate family. I have suffered like this since my teens and I want it to end. It's hardto hold onto hope, isn't it? I describe it the same way, I can't get out of my own head I actually stayed in and in the same room for48 hours this weekend just suffering. I feel like I am hiding it from others but how could I be? I don't tell anyone my real feelings, ever. Now that you have responded, I now know I am not the only one feeling this way. Thank you. And know you aren't either!
 
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rohvannyn responded:
I've felt that way far too many times in the past so I totally hear you. All of you, posting on this thread, actually. Sometimes when I am feeling better I see the solution so I wanted reach out to you with an asnwer I have found.

I'm convinced that a lot of depression and suicidal feelings comes from a sense of powerlessness.

If all a person does is go to work and then sit in a chair after they get home and do nothing but passive entertainment, why would they want to stay alive? The answer isn't death, though. The answer is to bring some meaning to that life. Why waste the investment of time and resources that went into raising you, by not contributing anything? Contributing to the world doesn't have to be huge and extravagant and expensive and tiring.

Contributing to the world can be as simple as offering a few words of support on a depression board. Writing an email to a friend. Trying a hobby you haven't given yourself the time to try before. Caring for a few tomato plants in a window box.

Later, as you take these first small steps, you can move on to bigger things. Taking walks. Volunteering. Fixing things, making things, writing, cooking, giving to charity, moving to a job that fits you better, becoming a better partner to your spouse.

In the meantime look at the little ways you have a ripple effect. A genuine smile at a checkout line, for example, can brighten so many people's days. It's a dark, depressing world we live in. Everybody seems to want us to give up and be passive. Do we give in to that, or do we fight, in tiny ways at first, and then more as we gain ground?

Okay, I'll step off my soapbox now, and go practice what I preach... You definitely aren't alone.
 
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feathers135 replied to rohvannyn's response:
I have to stop myself from crying during class. after i eat i automatically feel nauseated. i get into these funks and i can't get out. i can't wake up. my grades are falling, i used to be a straight A student and now i have a B, i know it sounds silly to be so upset about a B but it has become a metaphor for my whole life. one bad thing ruining the whole picture. sometimes it gets hard to breathe. i am so scared to tell anyone because i don't want to have to miss school. this is the closest i get to being real with anyone, and this isnt even real. i don't know anyone here. but here i can say how i am feeling without being afraid. when you feel like this it really helps to come here and find that your not alone.
 
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bailey78 replied to feathers135's response:
Feathers. I don t tell anyone either but I am going to. I see a talk therapist but I really don't tell him how bad it is. I started seeing him twice a month in August after I lost someone really important to me that was my source of comfort and love. I just don't know what to say, I have been depressed since 14, now help me? I made a doctor's appointment and plan to consider antidepressants very soon. We all must try what's available to us. We can at least express ourselves honestly here. I am grateful for this


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