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Terrified left on my own and no where to turn
havetolearntoaccept posted:
Privately my depression has totally taken over my life. Disconnected from everyone. Don't want to go anywhere and can no longer do any of the many things (home and computer projects) I once enjoyed. I am so much more fortunate then many people. I have a small home and financially safe. I also have the best doctors.
I have been treated for depression since my early 20's but have done very well over the years with the right meds and therapy. At 53 (2006) my depression got so bad and lost my 28 year job because I couldn't function. It was devastating but I was able to get some of my creativity back. But in late 2009 I was diagnosed with FM and the pain and fatigue, along with the depression in the last few years has me almost totally dysfunctional. Even making a sandwich or getting in the shower is impossible.
The only thing I do that keeps me doing something is forcing myself to get over to the health club 4 or 5 days a week. But when I am home I don't seem to be able to do the simplest things other then wash, groceries, etc.
I should get to my point here. My therapist (CBT) doesn't even know how to help me any longer. My psychiatrist will spend 90 minutes explaining how to think and try to do one thing every day I like but HE HAS TOTALLY GIVEN UP ON TRYING ANY NEW MEDS. HE SAYS I HAVE BEEN ON EVERYTHING, INCLUDING ECT, AND NOTHING LEFT TO TRY. I will see him Friday and it will be the same thing.
So trapped and lost. Feels like I am just waiting to die.
whyme86 responded:
I understand totally! I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder Type II in 1996 and since that time the depression has hit worse than the manic episodes. I too have undergone ECT treatments, all different kinds of meds but I feel totally hopeless and self-esteem is non-existent. I didn't want to eat, take a shower much less go outside because outside was not a safe place for me. On top of that I had 4 ruptured discs in my neck and 4 bulging discs in my lower back from 25 years of nursing, and then became addicted to the pain meds they gave me and abused them. I literally had to take it 5 minutes at a time or I couldn't make it I know these situations are tough and don't know entirely your situation, but you have to take 5 minutes at a time. Give yourself the first 10 minutes of your day to be sad, then find a 5 minute chore, shower and try putting on inspirational or classical music you can hear in the background and build on that.(no country music LOL) Try that and pray at least every hour to whom God or other higher power you believe in. I believe in you and will be checking back.
havetolearntoaccept replied to whyme86's response:
Thank you so very much for your kind and supportive words. My heart goes out to you for all you have been through. Can you tell me if you have some special supportive people in your life. I have always been a little bit of a loner in a sense I know allot of people and have some long term friends I will see now and then. I was always busy with work and projects at home. I was also very generous helping people especially my family. But when I couldn't do the gatherings, BBQ's, or attend some family functions because I found them just too much to do, my family has kind of abandoned me. They should know I am sick especially after all the years of being treated for depression but they act like I am purposely just avoiding them. Now I have this very heavy additional pressure. Thanks so much for caring.
whyme86 replied to havetolearntoaccept's response:
Since my substance abuse addiction I have been going to Narcotics Anonymous and get a lot of support there with my sponsor and other addicts like me. I live with my mom since I have been separated and she says it was all my fault with me and my wife separating, so I know what it is like with no family support. Take care, and remember 5 minutes at a time.

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