My life is a mess
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deasertrose posted:
My life is falling apart. My marriage is in the pits. He keeps telling me to get out. I've wasted all his money and his time. He could be retired by now if it wasn't for me. I'm so tired. I cry all the time. My availability has been cut back at work and I lost my position. My boss say's I'm freaking people out with my crying. Nothing is working. I have no where to go. I have no money. I don't know what to do. Next week I'm having a hysterectomy. I'm loosing everything. My sanity is gone. I've become OCD about just about everything that I get so caught up in one thing, say like running the vacuum to suck up all the freaking dog hair that I don't have time to do anything else that is eating me alive.
I have finally been diagnosed properly. Borderline Personality Disorder. The last 30 years have been a waste. All the meds I've been on that didn't help, all the therapy and hospital visits and ECT that I have had. If I was treated properly I wouldn't be as screwed up as I am and I wouldn't have wasted all of his money or time. Hell I may even be happy. Forget it. I'm done. Sorry to bother anyone with my stupid self.
Reply
 
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rohvannyn responded:
Don't feel bad because you posted. It's a good thing you could. I really feel bad about the time I've wasted in life, but there is comfort in the thought that you don't have to waste time anymore. You know what is really wrong, you can start to get better. We're here if you need to talk about it. Welcome!
 
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Anon_6061 responded:
I am sorry for all your troubles. You did not mention the specifics about your hysterectomy but please be aware that it can mess with your hormones which can have a drastic effect on mood. I did not have mood problems before my hysterectomy (which never should have been done but that's a whole other story). But I became SEVERELY depressed afterwards. Hormones brought me out of the depression. Feel free to post back here. Good luck.
 
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rohvannyn replied to Anon_6061's response:
So absolutely right. My spouse was really nuts before hormone therapy, and she's the first to admit that she isn't sane without her estrogen. If you have hormone replacement therapy, be aware that some people can be very sensitive to it, even to the point that the manufacturer makes a big difference.
 
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Anon_6061 replied to rohvannyn's response:
rohvannyn - Are you saying your wife had a hysterectomy or is she in natural menopause? Has she been on the same type of HRT for quite awhile? The reason I ask is that some women say their HRT stops working and they have to find another one. I am concerned about this happening because I was a "basket case" on the first HRT I was given. Thanks for your input.
 
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katellawellnesscenter responded:
Don't feel bad and Don't go in depression. Actually ups and down is part of life. If you have wasted your money then no matter it can be earn again and time can be manage as well. So be strong and live your life with full of happiness. All the best.
 
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deasertrose responded:
Had my hysterectomy. Everything is good except the pain and the bed sores. The Dr. didn't order my psych meds for the night after the surgery. He wanted a consult but that didn't happen. Needless to say I was sick to my stomach, dizzy in severe pain the next day. couldn't eat, sleep or even get out of bed I felt so bad. Then they stopped the pain meds. Things finally got straighten out but I only got 100mg of trazodone instead of 200mg Thursday night so I slept a couple more hours the night before. Home now. Feeling better on my meds properly. Can't stand to long or sit to long. Have to move around some then lie down. My emotions are okay. My fam is helping me. I'm just taking day by day. Go back to the doc around the 12th. Have to call tomorrow. I'll call the therapist for treatment for the borderline when I'm able to drive. Thanks for thinking of me.
 
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Anon_6061 replied to deasertrose's response:
Glad to hear that surgery went well but sorry about the med mix-up - seems par for the course in hospitals. Be sure to take it easy during the 6 to 8 week recovery period. There is a lot of internal healing that needs to happen and I have read that it takes at least 6 months for complete healing from hysterectomy.
 
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Anon_6061 responded:
How are you doing? Is your recovery going well?
 
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rohvannyn replied to Anon_6061's response:
Sorry for the delay in responding, Anon 6061. She had early menopause. She has been on the same type of HRT since the beginning, same brand and manufacturer, with the only change being occasional dosage adjustments. She tried herbal estrogen at first and that didn't do much, and she says that since she went on HRT she feels sane. Her mood is much more even, and she's much more upbeat on HRT. Hope this helps.
 
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deasertrose replied to Anon_6061's response:
Anon_6061 Sorry I haven't gotten back to you. My Kindle wont let me reply. I'm still in pain. The infection Looked better this morning.
I tripped yesterday and now I hurt in a whole new spot. Went to a new therapist for help with my borderline personality disorder. She does DBT therapy. I have to teach myself to think a whole mew way. I'm scared. My depression is worse. What if my Doc won't release me to be able to lift 40lbs. I won't beable to go back to work. Not good considering my husband just lost his job. If I would just stop hurting and be able to bend over and reach for things I might feel better mentally. I'm sorry my meds are working and I can't keep my eyes opened. need to go to bed. Thanks for asking how I'm doing. It's nice to know somebody cares enough to check in. Thanks to all of you! Hugs
 
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Anon_6061 replied to deasertrose's response:
Sorry to hear about the continuing issues. Was your surgeon aware that heavy lifting was part of your job? I have heard some women say that they were told they should NEVER lift anything heavy (I think over 20 lbs.) after their hysterectomy...EVER...because it can lead to pelvic organ prolapse. However, this may only apply if the reason for the hysterectomy was pelvic organ prolapse since a history of prolapse before hysterectomy increases risk of prolapse after hysterectomy.
 
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deasertrose replied to Anon_6061's response:
I'll find out about the lifting part Wednesday. I don't feel to bad today. Still hurt but I'm resting from over doing it on Saturday out working in the yard. Big no no! Went to see my new therapist for my borderline personality disorder. There is a treatment called DBT. Dialectical Behavior therapy. I've beengetting the wrong therapy all these years. That's why nothing has helped cause I'm all over the place with my emotions, the way I take things that are said to me and the way my moods change from hot to cold and back again so quickly and all the time. I'm gonna try this. I know it's gonna be hard cause I have to retrain my brain to think differently and a lot of homework and thinking positive which I can't do at the moment. I have to write at least 1 positive thing down a day for a week and take it back this Friday. I'm really scared but I'm going forward. I'll let you know how it goes Wed. to see if I can keep my job or if I have to change it.
Take care.