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faking it
mara80 posted:
I need to vent...

I get so tired of putting on my fake smile and telling people around me that I'm fine. I'm not fine. I'm tired and frustrated and overwhelmed. I'm angry with myself for not having my life together. I feel pathetic. I feel guilty for feeling this way, like I should just be thankful for what I have... and I am thankful...I just used to be optimistic too and I miss that. I feel like I'm just going through the motions...I want my life back, I want a do over.

rohvannyn responded:
I hear that, for sure! It's a long road back to optimism. Sometimes I think it's a skill we have to practice. And it really hurts to feel obligated to say "fine" when people ask how you are, because they either won't care or they will go way overboard asking how you are doing. I hope you feel better soon.
afinch19 responded:
omg, Mara80 - are you in my head? Everything you said - exactly what I have been feeling for I dont know how long. If i had to pick just one of those adjectives it would be: overwhelmed. but really i feel all of it. And somewhat disgusted with myself for not doing well at ANYTHING - being a parent, spouse, daughter, friend, employee etc etc. I just got a nice raise at work for the work ive been doing. Inside i just got this sinking feeling. I've been waiting for everyone at work to figure out what a fraud I am. Now that I got this raise I think "ugh now the expectations if me are even higher and my charade will come crashing down even sooner!" How messed up is that? I getvrewarded for doing a good job and I turn it into another reason to feel guilty and like a failure.

ok. Sorry for the rant. not at all useful to u but my intent was to let u know you're not alone in having those types of feelings. If I figure out how to get a do-over I will definitely let u know!

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