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My boyfriend is undergoing depression and I'm feeling helpless
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sukuella posted:
My boyfriend has been battling depression all his life. But recently it's gotten worse since his father has been in the hospital. He has been ignoring me since then, explaining it away by saying that he doesn't want to involve me in this, doesn't want me to see all the crap in his head. I want to help him, any way I can, anyway he can allow me to.
He is very depressed and has some deep issues which he refuses to share with me. Every time I try and talk to him, he keeps pushing me aside to the point that I don't even know if he loves me anymore.

I'm confused and frustrated, I've tried helping him but he says he needs to figure things out alone. And I don't know how long this mood of his is going to last. I can't even see him and I can barely get him on the phone. I feel like for a 32 year old man he needs to grow up and realize that the world doesn't stop for anyone.

I'm scared for our future. To be honest, I don't know how this can last when every time he gets stressed or depressed, he shuts down. I've told him this and he is aware of how I feel, but still when he gets this way, nothing can snap him out of it.

Please, I need some support before I collapse under it.
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dac2430 responded:
He needs to get help. You can suggest a psychiatrist to him. If he refuses, I think it's best for you if you let him go. He needs to be willing to work on his issues with professional help. If he doesn't, and you stay with him, I think he'll drag you down into depression with him.
 
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leriam responded:
I am a 32 yr old female, dealing with depression. My depression was a big part of my marriage ending 5 years ago. I can say from the view of the person who is having the depression, its hard. I personally felt like I was trapped inside myself and couldnt express myself past the fog of depression, even to those I love. It took me finding the courage to ask for help, before I could start to heal. If you love him, and have faith he as loved you in the past, please be patient with him. Men tend to hold back and do things differently than women. I know it's not what you want to hear, but thats my two cents.
Peace be with you, Cora
 
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mms76 responded:
I feel like I am going through something very similar to you right now. My fiance (enaged 8 months) has had a recent change in his mood. I have come to the realization about 2 weeks ago he is depressed, but I am not sure how to help. We recently bought a house together (5months ago) and he says he feels trapped in it, etc. He is about ready to call of the marriage, sell the house, and end our relationship. We have been together 5 years and they have all be wonderful...so this change for the past month has been very trying. I feel like his body his here, but his mind isnt.
I suggested he see a doctor, but he was against it.
People say it will get better, just hard to see that right now.
 
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jim531 responded:
Men are less likely to seek help because they see it as a sign of weakness and society tells them men are supposed to be strong. Unfortunately, one of the major symptoms of depression is withdrawal and keeping everything inside so don't expect him to open up. He needs to find the courage to accept reality and see that he needs treatment. Its his responsibility and you can't make him do it. If he continues in this pattern and refuses treatment, you have to move on without guilt.
 
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bipolalized replied to mms76's response:
Yes, people say this, but it isn't true. Things only improve with some kind of concerted effort, and an admission of the problem. Depression by its very nature, impedes both of the above.


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