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Can this community board really help me??
coralcee posted:
Does anyone in this community really feel better just from participating here? Do these forums really help? I have had depression my whole life. I have tried a couple times in the past to use online support groups but have never felt connected or even noticed enough to stick with it. I need someone to tell me it is worth it because now I find myself more alone than ever and truly isolated.
4 1/2 years ago I had a home, a marriage, kids still at home, a job, good friends and family(It's really hard to write this, seeing in print in front of me all that is gone). Of course i still had the depression, but it was mostly under control with medication and psychotherapy. 2 days before Christmas 2009 I caught my husband of 25 years cheating on me, with a girl 1/2 his age who actually grew up with my own kids!
From that point EVERYTHING has unraveled. My 3 kids have grown up and are all out on their own, busy with their own lives(thank God- they are all happy, secure and successful right now), and too far or just far enough to not visit me more than a couple times a year. I had to move out of my home that I had put everything of myself into for years. Now I am in my second rental house after owning my own house for 30 years. I lost my job that I had for 7 years. I have gone on disability twice for depression(which included several suicide attempts),and now I am on my second round of unemployment after losing my most recent job, a job that I really loved. After getting notice that we had to be out of the first rental we were in, we were unable to find something we could afford in the area that had been my home town for all my life(I am now 50 yrs old). So I am now in a new unfamiliar place. I lost all my friends with the divorce as well as the only family I had near me(they were my ex-husband's family)
The only piece of my old life I have left is my 14 year old dog who is dying.I feel disconnected from everything. I have one new amazing thing in my life. Unfortunately, while it is amazing, it is also the most difficult, frustrating and emotionally damaging thing in my life. After my ex told me he did not want to work things out, I reconnected with my high school sweetheart on Facebook. And yes, I let things go too fast with him. I knew it all along. But their is such a connection between us, we are so much in love with each other. When things are going right and he is at home with me I feel like things can only get better, that I really can be happy. But when I am alone nothing matters.
I can't seem to completely let go of everything I lost. I hate my ex-husband and can't forgive him for taking everything away from me, for the scars he has left on our children. He left me with no savings, overwhelming debt, no place to call my own, no place for my children to "come home to".
My boyfriend has mental health issues he won't even acknowledge. We tried couples counseling as well as him going for individual therapy. But he didn't like it and we stopped going. He has some sort of serious intimacy, lack of self-confidence issue that I cannot figure out, but when it flares up it is always directly at me. It is always "my fault". I have my own serious self esteem issues and this ALWAYS knock me way down, his rejection of me during these episodes. He is ALL I have. If I lose him there is no reason left for me to be here and he refuses to consider that he is the one who can fix it. I have tried leaving him, but I literally can't breathe without him. I know its pathetic and weak.
Because I had to move I currently have no doctors. I changed my medication on my own. I was also diagnosed last July with moderate/severe osteoarthritis that causes me significant pain 24/7. He doesn't get that either. I am so rambling. I don't even know if I am making sense. I just know that I am alone, lonely, hopeless,scared, and hurting-emotionally and physically. I probably just put everyone out there to sleep. Thanks for listening

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rohvannyn responded:
Sometimes I feel better by posting here. I've seen others seem to benefit too. This community can help two ways: it will give you a place to vent, which is really important as you know, and it will give you a place where you can help other people. That can help too. Either way, welcome!
goldenhalos responded:
Hi coralcee.

I don't know how helpful this community is since I just started looking at it w your post, but I did want to tell you how sorry I am that you have been through all this, and that I have prayed for you.

I know it's not the same, but I had a hemorrhagic stroke 2 years ago at age 38 and as a result I do know a bit about depression and hopeless feelings. So I can understand your desperation, I really can, and I know it is horrendous and seemingly unending.

I don't know if that helps, but you're not alone.

much love and all the best -

deasertrose responded:
Sometimes I feel like it helps me butter for others I can see it helps them a lot. I just don't know what to say. I've been depressed since I was a teenager and I just found out that I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder and the therapy I have been getting since my early 20's isn't the right kind. I need dialectical behavioral therapy. DBT. I found a therapist that does this kind of therapy but I'm scared cause I don't think I can do it. I have to retrain myself how to think. I see things in either all black or all white with no grey in between. Just had a total abdominal hysterectomy and my emotions and moods are everywhere. Like now I'm extremely angry cause I'm writing to much and I have to keep correcting my spelling. Sorry I can't even remember what I'm writing about. Oh and I forget to say that I'm very stupid. I will go know cause this never mind. But this site does help. Maybe it will even help me today.
beautifulbuffalo replied to deasertrose's response:
This Depression community can help you only if you get a response from people. Sometimes you will poor your heart out and nobody will respond. And also you can't expect to get a response immediately. It takes sometimes 5 days or not at all.

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