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I'm lonely and drugging myself
beautifulbuffalo posted:
I'm so lonely. My stomach is in knots. I'm dealing with a lot of pain. Nobody to talk to except my therapist every 2 weeks, but it's not enough. I have a lot of family issues going on and I just can't handle them alone anymore. My husband wants to know what's going on in my life but to busy to help me out. He's leaving for 3 weeks on May 20th into June. I've been over taking my pain pills. They help mello me out along with the valium I'm taking and other medications for Depression, Anxiety and PTSD. I've been dealing with so much pain I'm tired of seeing Dr.s and I'm at the point of wanting life to just take it's course. I don't want to be here anymore and I don't want to deal with the struggles anymore.
rohvannyn responded:
I just wanted to take a moment to offer my sincerest sympathy to you. If I could hug you, I would. I hear your loneliness and your pain and I wish I could reach across the internet and help. It's so hard to remember that pain can be over and things can get better...even without dying. Definitely let your therapist know of your struggles, maybe there is extra support they can give, or coping strategies that will help. Does your husband say he doesn't have time, or does it just seem like it? He might have more time to devote to you if he uderstands how much pain you are really in.
beautifulbuffalo replied to rohvannyn's response:
My husband would take the time, but he works so many hours in a day I don't want to bother him. I keep my feelings to myself and that has always been a problem with me. My husband senses the pain and trys to get me to talk but I won't. I don't know how to make that any better for myself as to opening up to others. Somebody can yell at me and I just take it and don't yell back. My husband is going to be leaving next week to go to Montana for 3 weeks. My therapist says maybe the time apart will make me miss him and things will change.
rohvannyn replied to beautifulbuffalo's response:
I can completely understand where you are coming from. However, you might want to consider this: if you are hurting, and he loves you, then your desire not to bother him is inappropriate. He would want to be bothered if it means a chance to help the woman he loves. He might even feel that you are rejecting his love and concern.

I've had that happen with my spouse, where I am hurting inside but just can't speak, and I don't want to add to her burdens, but she finally got it through my head that this perspective is harmful to me and even feels like rejection to her. The way she explained it is, she is my spouse, it is her job to help me, and how dare I shut her out? It may not be the same for you but I ask you to think about it.

Whether you decide to talk to him or not, opening up is really good to do. Even posting here is a step in the right direction.

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