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elicaa posted:
Hi, my name is ellie. I think i'm really depressed and i don't know how to help myself. or maybe i do im just not strong enough. my problem is that i come from a not so very functional family, my dad drinks a lot, my mom has always been beat up and still there and then the next day they would still cry and be together until next time. i grew up sorta watching that in the middle of it all. other than that i'm really really normal. never done this nor have i seen a doctor or meds, i never even catch a cold i absolutely do not take any drugs or meds. the things is im really really naive and stupid and i never really ask for much, im pretty self sufficient and happy most of the time with whatever. But i think i got really really depressed about 3-4 years ago when i had this boyfriend whom I had known for years and then we started dating and it was really all nice; meeting his family and staying there and taking his nieces to school and really for years i was there for him when he cried and i when he swore he loved me and lets get married and what not only to find out that he dumped over facebook and then find out that he was in fact talking to this other girl how im "just not it".... the girl told me this herself months afterward when he had dumped her to marry his ex before me whom he made out to be a cheating miserable human. anyways, this is a long time ago and i have dealt with it pretty successfully i think. the thing is, i attempted to actually have another relationship about a year ago, with someone whom i thought was really caring and sensitive and he was attentive and i thought i can trust him and i really gave it my all again cos he was always like "hey so i just wanna know where this is going i don't wanna be wasting time." and u guessed it, i saw texts on his phone from months ago how he's texting a girl to go out with him and then she asks him don't u have a gf and he replied nooo.. i confronted him because i am older now and i think i do not deserve that, no one does, ever. and his story is that he simply wanted to get back at her because she was mean to him a year ago. apparently she took advantage of him and she was not a nice person and he just wanted to get her to say yes to him and then diss her..
he has repeatedly tried to convince me that he will never ever be disrespectful or lie to me, that he is sorry that that was an irresponsible and immature thing to do and that he loves me and he will try and try and i want to believe him i really do like him, but how? i don't think he ever thought about how that would make me feel while he was doing all that texting. i don't think he ever will change. and meanwhile I'm trying to cope with these feelings of why do i always get the liars and the cheaters and why can't they just see how nice and devoted and caring i was to them?! i mean, i swear to god....i can't stop crying, im in uninterested in anything i can't get past it and i can't help myself anymore, i can't make a decision, i don't know how to say goodbye to him. i don't know if i want to and at the same time i don't know i dont see how is this ever going to be normal again? he keeps saying how he is there for me and he cares about me unconditionally and how he was just dumb and not thinking and whatever else..... all excuses.
I would really appreciate a helping advice on how to just deal with this heartache that is turning into depression, i just read all the signs, i know i am depressed, i cant really sleep or eat or be happy. im just stuck. and i tried, it's been over a month and i'm just not coping too well..... i have better days but i have sundays when i cry allll daaay loong. im not getting better.
I'm sorry for such a looong post and I thank you in advance.
Ellie.
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rohvannyn responded:
First, start by finding a support group that is outside your normal circle of family and friends. Take it from someone who knows, your upbringing has taught you a lot of wrong ideas and the sooner you learn how to have healthy relationships, the better. There are groups for children of alcoholics, website support forums, this site, and more options out there.

You are young and this is a great time to decide who you want to be and work toward that. As you become more truly independent as a person, and learn effective methods of communication and having relationships, and learn who you really are, you will also learn ways to deal with depression and life will become a lot more possible to deal with.

Please, stop calling yourself stupid. You may feel that you are foolish at times, but that's a curable condition! Foolish means making the wrong decisions because you don't know. Stupid means you can't learn or refuse to learn. And you are not like that.

Your self knowledge will be an asset to you. Your desire to feel better will help you too. Your family background did not give you the tools you need to deal with your pain, but you can learn those tools and coping mechanisms. I've been in a similar situation. Don't be like me, 35 and still trying to learn how to really be an adult. Learn now when it is time to learn. You can do it!


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