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Someone please help me out
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beautifulbuffalo posted:
I stay on this earth because of my children and grandchildren but I want out so bad. I'm on many medications some new ones that have probably not kicked in yet but I don't think I can wait.
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sw3tflower responded:
If you mean you are thinking of just ending it, please don't. Don't make any decisions when you are so down. Call a hotline in your area or even go to the ER.
Go one minute, one hour, one day at a time. Don't give up. Have faith the new meds, when they kick In, will make all the difference in the world and you will be glad you waited and didn't act on how you feel now.
I am thinking about you and wish I could reach out and give you some strength.
Please hang on.
 
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beautifulbuffalo replied to sw3tflower's response:
I'm crying inside. I'm so tired.
 
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beautifulbuffalo replied to beautifulbuffalo's response:
I just took 8mg of xanax xr to try and relax.
 
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rohvannyn replied to beautifulbuffalo's response:
Hang in there... you can do it. Are you doing any deep breathing to help you relax? If you try meditation, make sure it's the type that has you focusing on something peaceful or beautiful. Give your mind something beautiful to hang on to.

You are part of this world and you belong here. The world would be less without you in it. It's easier to forget sadness if you replace it with something.
 
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beautifulbuffalo replied to sw3tflower's response:
I'd call a hotline if I new they wouldn't call the police. That's when we make drastic decisions is when were down. I won't go to the ER as they will keep me and my husband is out of town for 3 weeks and I have to take care of his business. I don't have any energy left to stay on this earth. With all the therapy sessions I go to cost him 170.00 each time. I'm only a burdon. If I don't sleep tonight I swear I'm taking another medicine to sleep and if I dont' wake out I went out without any pain.
 
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rohvannyn replied to beautifulbuffalo's response:
Thank you for continuing to reach out here. You know, the hotline can't track you if you don't give your real name or address, so it might be a good idea to call anyway, if only to hear another human voice. If nothing else, at least see if you can call your husband.... he loves you, right? You aren't a burden. I know you feel like one, but you are not a burden. You are a human being who deserves to be happy just as much as anyone else.
 
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beautifulbuffalo replied to rohvannyn's response:
I contacted my husband is yes he is 5000 miles away but he said he would turn right around and come home if I needed him. I told him I promise to keep my feet on the floor but that doesn't hurt my hurting heart. For some reason this time with the depression I am going back to my abusive childhood and just keep wondering why me. I asked for help and got none but that was 40 years ago. I've considered ECT which I have had great results with except it takes my memory or TMS. But I just can't afford TMS it cost 11,000.00 for 6 weeks in 3 installments. I'm on disability I can't afford that. I'd rather do the ECT stay in the hospial for a few weeks and have the insurance pay. I went to a NAMI meeting last night and I wasn't impressed.
Thanks for caring I need friends to talk to.
 
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rohvannyn replied to beautifulbuffalo's response:
Hi there, sorry it's been a day. I knew you'd need someone to post to so I'm checking my sites on the weekend. I'm glad you called your husband. It sounds like he cares a lot about you. I hope you do find some relief from medical intervention... and even though the NAMI meeting wasn't that impressive, I'm glad you went anyway. Hang in there.

Here's a link to a poster someone put up on another group. I found a lot of truth in it.

 
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beautifulbuffalo replied to rohvannyn's response:
My insurance won't pay for the TMS at 11.000.00. They say it's still to experimental.

I can go into the hospital for ECT and that has done wonders in the past but I'm afraid to go. The last 4 times I went I felt so alone that I did nothing but cry. The last 4 times I did it they also didn't have any therapy or counseling sessions. All I had was arts and crafts. Couldn't watch the TV they had. You basically had to keep yourself busy. I would be so far away that my husband wouldn't be able to visit me during the week so I would have to wait for a Saturday or Sunday.

But all and all I need to get better. I have been feeling this way for 3 weeks. I have trouble eating or drinking because I'm just so upset. My family doesn't deserve a mother that can cope.

My daughter doesn't want to know anything about it and she is 29. My son doesn't understand it but loves me to death. My husband just wants me better no matter what I have to do.

I think if I had friends to talk to I would be able to feel better sooner but I litterly have no friends. Never have back to High School. I hold all my emotions in and can't release them. I was raised that way. I was always told not to cry or I would get in trouble. When I asked for help because of my abuse it was brushed aside and was told I was fine go play. I was not taught how to grow up in life. I learned it on my own and as I went along. Even though I worked through my past and was better for some reason it has all come back to me.

Do I go into the hospital for ECT or try and get through it.
 
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sw3tflower replied to beautifulbuffalo's response:
It sounds like you are trying hard. You are strong although you might not feel strong now. I'm glad you are keeping communication open and going to meetings. Please don't give up. Sounds like your husband cares for you a lot. Your not alone.
I hope the meds kick in soon and make a difference in how you feel.
 
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beautifulbuffalo replied to sw3tflower's response:
But what do you do in my situation. Do I suffer through more time and hope the depression breaks or do I give in and go into the hospital for ECT. I've had over 50 ECT treatments over a period of 4 years and I have been doing good except my ups and downs. I do know that ECT was my life savor in the past. I'm just have no energy and I'm just so tired of fighting.
 
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jaljewel responded:
Please believe that things will be better, give time to let the right meds help because they can. Know you are loved.
 
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beautifulbuffalo replied to jaljewel's response:
It's been 2 weeks so the meds should have kicked in by now. I'm just so tired of fighting this Depression. I called the crisis hotline last night but they aren't open on weekends.

My stomach can't take the stress and tension anymore. I have to fight to keep going but I'm giving up the fight.
 
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rohvannyn replied to beautifulbuffalo's response:
Oh wow... crisis hotline not open on the weekends? That's awful! Not everybody just has problems on the weekdays! I had a pretty horrible weekend as well, so you have all my sympathy. I admire you for not giving up.


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