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Dealing with Depression
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An_257650 posted:
My name is Abbi and I deal with depression. I've dealt with it since I was 13 years old and it's been 5 years since. I have never been able to get treatment, and still can't because of transportation and money issues. I've never really talked about it with much of anyone, but with my significant other/high school sweetheart. It has caused for me to push him and everyone in my life away without meaning to. During the 5 years I've suffered with depression, on a few occasions, I have gotten thoughts of suicide but never really attempted to act of them. I struggle to cope with this, but very few people show the slightest support for me during this. I experience depression in short, frequent periods of time. Sometimes, I know why I'm depressed and other times, I do not. I don't know how to better cope with this under my restricted conditions in my life. I feel like I can't go to my family because I'd just hear "Get over it" or "you'll get over it eventually". I feel like I can't every just be happy without my depression kicking in at the worst time. I'm suicidal, but I fear that one day, this depression might make suicide look better and better as an option. I'll even admit that I once self-harmed myself by pricking my hands with a safety pin until I drew blood. I don't wish to commit suicide ever, but I fear that I might forget myself in the moment and die on the people I love and my fiancee. I'm willing to listen to any suggestions of coping with this better than my own method, which is sleeping a lot. My fiancee and his aunt suggested I join an online support group to help me help myself in my times of weakness. Please, if anyone can, help me figure out how to do that. I want to be happy again without feeling the need to lean on anyone to cheer me up.
Reply
 
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An_257651 responded:
I've never replied on this forum before but your story really touched me. I'm 25 and have struggled on and off with depression since I was 11 or 12. I am so happy you were brave enough to reach out to others here. You have TRUE strength, probably beyond what you believe you have.

Some questions for you: Are you in school? College? Often there are resources in these places that can offer services for free (specifically colleges). The first time I really started to try to address my depression was at my college's counseling center. You can also see if you can research resources in your community or in your state to help you navigate resources that could be offered to you at a free or reduced rate. Don't give up trying to search for these things.

If not, might I ask what some of your passions are in life? Are you an athlete, an artist, like to read, like to sing? Setting aside time for yourself and engaging with what you are passionate in is really important for your self confidence. The worst thing to do is to withdraw from the world.

I'm happy to listen and talk about some stuff. I know what you are going through. You are NOT alone.
 
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sw3tflower responded:
You do sound strong. You also have hope.
You are doing the right thing reaching out to others, any way you can.
I know when your depressed, sleeping is a great way to hide, but it will only keep you from healing. (My favorite place is in my bed).
I know it sounds impossible, but make yourself go out just a little every day. Even if it's just far enough outside to close the door, do it. Go a little longer and a little farther every day. I swear this will help your depression.
And keep reaching out to others. We all know how you feel.
 
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sw3tflower replied to An_257651's response:
An
You sound like a very caring, loving person. Reaching out like you are is wonderful. You are also very strong. You will make it.
 
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livethe4th replied to sw3tflower's response:
That is really nice of you. I still have things to work on, and I still struggle talking about my depression with others, but we need to ban together and support each other. I want to be more of a participant in that.
 
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rohvannyn responded:
Abbi, thanks for coming here. Just having a place to talk about it when you are feeling depressed is really important. At the very least, it can draw your attention to the fact that you are feeling depressed, you can realize it's your neurotransmitters going haywire, and realize that it's not "you" doing this. You aren't weak by feeling like you need to lean on someone. We as humans are social creatures, that's natural, normal, and right. Think of it like this: reaching out to someone when you need to will give you the strength to someday be that shoulder for someone else.

We are all interconnected. You will be happy again, you are a valuable person and deserve to feel that way. And I applaud your desire to keep an eye on your depression in case you do something you wouldn't normally want to, in the heat of the moment.
 
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An_257650 replied to An_257651's response:
And since I posted this forum post, I've developed issues in my relationship and I've had to temporarily cut communication with my significant other because of bugs in our relationship and my current mental state he left me in. I can explain more about that if anyone on this forum cares to know and maybe help the situation.

And to answer your questions, I just graduated high school back in May. And I do have some passions in life. I want to go to college to be a chef in a year after saving up money and getting where I need to be, like learning to drive, buying a car, etc. Hobby-wise, I'm an artist. I'm a furry and I draw furry art. I like what I do in that fandom, which isn't the stereotypical furry lifestyle. With everything going on around me, it's just so difficult to get to feeling better. To start feeling okay again. I want to be happy with my life, but there's always something in the way of that. My depression makes everything so much worse than it needs to be. It's like I never have any strength to deal with what loose ends need met. I don't have many supportive people in my life at all.
 
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sw3tflower replied to An_257650's response:
Hi Abbi
I's sorry to hear you are having trouble in your relationship.
It is hard to hold emotions inside you instead of having a healthy was to let them out. You say you are also dealing with practical problems such as money and transportation. This is a lot to deal with at your age.
People who have not suffered from depression simply cannot understand how it feels. They don't know what to do for you and this makes them feel helpless. They still love you and care.
You have a lot of plans and goals in your life but it sounds like something is stopping you from working towards them. You mention everything going on around you and something is always in the way and loose ends and restricted conditions. What is it that is in the way? What kinds of things are going on around you? What restricted conditions? Can you narrow it down? Is it fear? Is it a person? Is it confusion over how to take that first step? Or the expectations other people seem to expect from you? Is it confusion?
Think it over.
I do hear a lot of fear. Fear of being depressed, of losing control, of not having people who you can talk to. Fear is something that can stop us from moving forward. Do you know what is making you feel that way? Some people are fearful of being successful, others of taking a chance and feeling like a failure. Either way, it prevents them from taking the first step towards happiness.
People care about you. The people here understand how depression feels. You are safe here to talk about how you feel. We want to help.
 
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An_257650 replied to sw3tflower's response:
Sorry for the delay in response. And thank you. I'll certainly take your advice and try that. After a while, I'll have to let you know how that works for me. It's just been difficult for me lately to do much of anything really.
 
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angelhugz247 replied to rohvannyn's response:
Thank you. I was always told that I shouldn't lean on anyone for help or anything. I never saw anything wrong with it, but I was never told that it was really okay.

And thank you for replying. Your response helps a lot. At least I know that people care, even if I don't know them. I never knew that until I posted my original post on this forum. I really want to get to feeling better, to feeling happy for once.
 
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rohvannyn replied to angelhugz247's response:
I have similar messages about leaning on others so I get wehre you are coming from, Angelhugz. It took my current spouse to finally start getting it through my head that when I don't occasionally lean on my loved ones or ask them for help, I am not seen as strong and independent, but rather cold, self centered, and rejecting their help. I offer this because it may be a helpful perspective. Think about how it feels when someone asks you for help and you give it. It feels good, right? If it's a reasonable request? It is nice to be there for someone. So next time you really want help but are afraid to ask, remember that you are also giving someone the opportunity to feel close to you and that can be a good thing.
 
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livethe4th replied to An_257650's response:
Hi Abbi,

I get what you mean about not having supportive people in your life. I have felt through most of my journey that I had to walk alone. Depression is my biggest secret.. Only a handful of people know how I struggle (not even my parents know). Even with the people who do know, there is always the barrier of them "getting it". It sucks. I hope this forum can be a bit of an outlet for you. We do get it because we live it.

Couple of things that come to mind from your post: so glad to hear you have dreams of being a chef! That's a great sign! Think about ways that you can take that dream and get some experience with it. Can you volunteer at a local food bank/soup kitchen? Can you apply for jobs at a catering hall or restaurant? Start small if something like culinary school is not attainable just yet. I know for me that would produce so much anxiety, but it will get you to meet people and make connections.

Next, make sure you work on your art every day, even if it is 10 minutes, and even if you don't want to. Think about it as special time for you to get away from some of the "noise" in your life. It's important to cherish what makes you happy.

I feel like you have a lot on your plate, but don't give up! I'm really sorry to hear about your significant other. I'm happy to listen (read) if you want to. But how has the search been for looking up resources in your area? Have you done any googling?
 
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pbwils responded:
Thanks ever so much for sharing your heart with us. You express your feelings so well and sound like such a such a sensitive kind and loving spirit. Don't let any person or situation take that away from you. I am 58 yrs old and have been battling depression at least since I was about 15. When I was young like you I know that what helped me through was a good source of B-Complex vitamins and Magnesium, along with running or walking nearly every morning for about 2.5 miles. If you need more details or help finding these vitamins/supplements I would be so glad to help you. The very first time I was hospitalized for depression, I came to the realization that the people in there with me were sensitive and kinder than most of the people i knew on the outside and that the outside people should be in therapy if only they would drop their pride and arrogance and admit it. I really hope something I wrote will help you and remember "Always be yourself because the people who matter don't mind and the people who mind don't matter."
 
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susiemargaret responded:
hello, abbi --

i don't know if you are still following this thread, but i wanted to let you and others know that i have posted a list of resources for getting free/low-cost medical care, including counseling, at http://forums.webmd.com/3/depression-exchange/forum/6522 (please note that i haven't vetted these listings for quite some time, so if you find one that no longer works, please let me know). don't try to check out everything at once; just investigate one or two/day, or it will be too overwhelming.

you asked specifically about joining an on-line support group. you can find depression support groups in general (both on-line and local) by googling (("support group" OR forum) depression). this will bring up a page with many listings of support groups, and you can see which ones might appeal to you.

if you are interested in joining a local, in-person support group, try googling ("support group" depression "name of your town" "name of your state"). in addition, if you live near a medical school or teaching hospital, a divinity school, or a university with a graduate program in psychology, psychiatry, nursing, or social work, you could check at those places for local support groups. finally, if you belong to a religious group, or are connected -- even loosely -- with one, you might ask the spiritual leader about support groups and about sources of free/low-cost counseling.

you can also find local support groups by contacting the national alliance on mental illness (NAMI, http://www.nami.org , then click on "support and programs," then on "state and local NAMIs"). a second national source of support groups can be found thru the depression/bipolar support alliance (DBSA, http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=home , then click on "peer support," then on the top left dropdown box that says "find a support group").

i hope this info is helpful to everyone.

-- susie margaret
what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.


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