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I don't understand any of this anymore.
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xxthatsnotmynamexx posted:
Hey..everyone. I haven't ever done this before, so bear with me. My name's Natalie, I'm 17, and I'm just hoping someone will take the time to listen to me, and maybe help me out. I don't blame anyone if they don't. It's okay. So, I'm just going to pour my heart out. I had a very rough childhood, I was neglected pretty bad, and forced to grow up. Theres more to it, but I'm not getting into too many details. I have depression, as well as dissociative identity disorder, and I'm just a mess. I'll go from being okay to depressed, and it's just like that all day everyday. Some days are better than others. Some days...it all feels like a dream. Like none of it's real and everything I've ever known is all just a lie. I am in therapy, but it's just starting and she wants to help me control it but I want maybe feed back from other people who know about this and comfort, because I feel like I overwhelm or scare my friends. Everyday I have to play a part and act like I'm okay and that's frustrating sometimes. When I switch with my alters (I have five), it's very hard on me and stresses me out so bad. Then, I won't remember things, and I hate that because people think I lie about it. Sometimes I won't remember a whole day. I just don't understand this anymore. It doesn't seem real enough, and this whole "life" and existence doesn't seem like a place where I should be. This just isn't living. I understand the concept of 'death' more. I see it as just continuing on with life, but as a different form and kind. I don't understand the senses and sometimes breathing doesn't seem very important. Just do it just to do it. I just don't understand anything at al it all just doesn't seem real like my whole life has been nothing but a dream and I'l wake up as somebody else because I don't feel right in my own skin. I feel like I can climb out of my skin like a cocoon and run away. My own hands hardly ever look like my own..it just doesn't seem right. Nothing seems right. Help me? I don't understand, because everyone else seems to! I don't know if I'm wrong and everyone else is right...or vice versa..
Reply
 
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rohvannyn responded:
Hi there... welcome. I wish I had something I could do to help you. Somehow your words resonate with me but I'm not entirely sure how. I hear that you are in pain, though, and I send my simple wish to feel better. I am glad you are starting therapy because that way you might find ways to manage what is going on. Thank you for being here, and please feel free to post. Sometimes, just talking about it helps.
 
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xxthatsnotmynamexx replied to rohvannyn's response:
Thank you for responding, it's good to know that people care, and I thank you for the thought, I appreciate it
 
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rob206 replied to xxthatsnotmynamexx's response:
Sweetheart I hope your doing ok, I feel that way also, but then I look at my nieces and nephews faces and wonder how they would feel if there uncle just passed away or dissapeard never to be seen again. (I accualy have a uncle that disapeared never to be seen and I stood awake countless hrs. wondering where or what happened to him and tried driving in circle's because I thought I heard him yelling for me, it traumatized me for yrs. that's partially why i cam down with deppression). My nieces and nehphews have alot of love and respect for me that's why i decided to get treatment for depression because I realized that those kids needs me in there life as much as if they were my own kids. And I finally excepted my uncle never coming back. Here's a poem that I thought I pass on to you; In life there are people that will hurt us and cause us pain,
but we must learn to forgive and forget and not hold grudges.

In life there are mistakes we will make,
but we must learn from our wrongs and grow from them.

In life there are regrets we will have to live with,
but we must learn to leave the past behind and realize it is something we can't change.

In life there are people we will loose forever and can't have back,
but we must learn to let go and move on.

In life there are going to be obstacles that will cause interference,
but we must learn to overcome these challenges and grow stronger.

In life there are fears that will hold us back from what we want,
but we must learn to fight them with the courage from within.

God holds our lives in his hands. He holds the key to our future.
Only he knows our fate.

He see's everything and knows everything.
Everything in life really does happen for a reason: "God's Reason".
Get well hun, Rob


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