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So Lonely
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An_257780 posted:
Hi I love people but do not have anyone I can count on. Always belonged to a small group but not I don't belong anywhere. I try to reach out to people but no one responds. I need friends to meet, talk often and just count on. I have lived in the same town for 30 years. I lost a very close friend and I cannot stop missing her. Can anyone in this forum relate to what I am feeling?
Reply
 
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xxthatsnotmynamexx responded:
Hey, I know how you feel sweetheart. I've been through a lot, and I've lost many people in my life, and it's very hard to keep going sometimes, but, as people, we grow stronger over time, and can get through it. I have a fair amount of friends, but only one i trust and rely on, so numbers doesn't mean much, it just depends on whether you have the right people or not. If you don't have anyone to count on, I'm here for you, and if you need me, I'll be here. You'll be okay, just try to be optimistic. Maybe you can meet new friends through the people that you know, if you feel the need. But, I'll be here, and there are so many people who are out there for you, so never think you're alone, because you never are, and will never be alone.
 
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lonely60 responded:
Hi:
Thank you o much for your support


None of my family and friends understand how lonely I feel. There is always a trigger point and it always is connected to losing a friend or family member thus reinforcing the fact how much I need them versus their needing me also. Except my husband who happens to be a loner, no one really needs me. My best friend is MY best friend. Yes, she is there when I need her but she does not need me and I am not her best friend. I have known this for almost 3 decade and it is still not easy to accept.
I cannot count with my fingers how many times and with how many people I have tried to reach out. The response is not what I need.
I don't know where to go to meet single women. I am from a different culture and I do not feel comfortable with male friends and my hubby definitely would not like that even though I am not all that young. I have been going for therapy. But I cannot change or stop the way I feel. I get depressed very easily and it started with my dad passing, then my mom, followed by my beloved dog. Then I lost my "second" mother, my mom's sister to a misunderstanding. My second best friend just stopped being my friend when I returned form cremating my mom. She never called. I have tried a dozen times to fix things but she does not respond. Other than Divine intervention to make me pay for my past sins, there is no rational explanation why people do not respond. Others make friends so easily right in front of my eyes.


Sorry for bombarding you like this. Probably you have had enough of me too!!
 
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rohvannyn replied to lonely60's response:
I hear your pain and understand what you are going through. I understand what it feels like to be that lonely and offer you my sincerest sympathy.

To make friends, one usually has to take advantage of human psychology. People like people who like them, people like people who like the same things you do. So one way to find friends is to join a group that is devoted to something you like. That can be hard in small towns, so since you have internet access you might want to search for a discussion board for something you are interested in. For example, I love Japanese culture so I might go looking for an Origami group, a Japanese language group, or maybe a Japanese cooking group.

Common interests start friendships faster than anything else, and give you something to talk about with prospective friends so there is always a built in ice breaker.

Another place to find people with common interests would be a local college or community center. Taking a class to learn something new is always good too.

I wish you the best. I know it's not easy to go through what you are going through, but I hope my advice helps a little.
 
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sw3tflower responded:
Hi
I can relate. I have NO friends and have distanced myself from my family. I also just finalized my divorce (domestic abuse) from my husband of 30 years. Most of our friends stuck with him, not me. I also had to move out of my home and my city (due to abuse) and left all people I know. My family distanced themselves from me because I was so needy for so long I sort of outstayed my welcome. I have suffered from depression many years, but was always a social, friendly person, but the type to only have one true friend.
Bringing up what I just said is not the way to make friends.
Now I am all alone.
No, people do not understand your depression, in fact it scares many.
I think I need to make more of an effort. If I am turned down once, I give up instead of trying again. I read into things.
I don't mean to, but realize I always seem to bring up the subject of my abusive marriage, my depression or my inability to afford going shopping or out to lunch or movies. That is a red flag to potential relationships right there.
I need to find common ground and talk about that. Not blurt out my problems or use the person as a sounding board. I happen to make beaded jewelry and if I were not so frightened that people will dislike me, going to a beading class would be a perfect way to meet friends.
But I already think anyone I meet dislikes me before giving them a chance. I'm scared and am afraid of rejection.
Does any of this sound familiar?
We can't drag our old baggage into a new (potential) friendship. You say you cannot stop or change the way you feel. But you can try and change how you react to triggers, or try to change your expectations of what you expect from others. People change as time goes by. I know change is scary and holding on to the past that is familiar is easier, but maybe change is the answer.
 
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lonely60 replied to sw3tflower's response:
I meant I cannot change about the way I feel regarding making male friends . Even when I worked and had mostly male colleagues I used to talk to one and just say hi to others.


I am trying my best not to bring anything negative to anyone. In fact even my husband does not have a clue that I have been feeling low ( not 9 in the scale of 1-10 like I was for 3 years). I have made new friends but no one can replace the 15 year old friendships I have lost or decades of relationship with my aunt. I reach out over and over again but it is so one sided.


Unfortunately I am not an extrovert but love to hang out with girl friends. Extroverts can go get friends in an hour like going to the store and buying apples!!! I am the happiest when I am with my friends or when I had people to call and chat on the phone for hours. All those friends have moved on or moved away form this city


I wish we are all in a face to face support group. There is nothing in the city I live at. There are many for bipolar or family members with depression but none for people suffering. I want to start one but do not know where to start. Any ideas? I think it will give me a purpose and I will be busy helping others like myself
 
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sincereone74 responded:
I can relate to what you are feeling. I have no one that I can count on and it breaks my heart on a daily basis I cry about it all the time. Having no family at all in my life really hurts and then not really having any friends hurts even more. It can be hard making friends when you suffer from a mental illness but it's not impossible although sometimes it may feel like it is. I have made friends before in support groups and it does help to have someone that can understand or relate to what you are going thru. I also think it's a good idea as others have suggested to make friends thru doing things you enjoy. I'm really bad at knowing what to say so I rarely post but I wanted you to know that someone else can relate to what you are feeling and that you are not alone.
 
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sw3tflower replied to lonely60's response:
It would be nice to have a support group (face to face not through computers) just for people who want to meet friends. Not for people who have a lot of friends and just want to meet more....they would not understand the yearning and pain we feel.
We all agree meeting friends who have a common interest is a good way to meet people.
Well, loneliness is certainly something many people share. I think your idea is great. I will try to think of how to go about starting such a group. Helping yourself while helping others is wonderful.
Take care
 
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beautifulbuffalo replied to sw3tflower's response:
How about NAMI in your area.
 
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lonely60 replied to beautifulbuffalo's response:
I was told there are support groups for bipolar & depression as well as SG for family of such sufferers. But none for just depression.


I attended one group but the participants were so severely suffering form bipolar episodes. I could not relate at all.


How do we find out if any of us live near each other?
 
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lonely60 replied to sincereone74's response:
The funny thing is people tell me how busy they are but still find time to do what they WANT to do. Simple thing as commenting to my post. They do it for other family members but never for me? Explanation? " I am so busy I don't even have time to use the restroom!!" So that just means you are not someone they want to do anything with, right?


I volunteer at two Hospitals but still have too much time on my hands! I would really enjoy getting a support group up and running for just lonely people who are feeling that way due to depression perhaps? Can we ask in this post where we all live?
 
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lonely60 replied to sw3tflower's response:
I never do that except with one friend. I try to keep my loneliness to myself and do a pretty good job of it. But I feel so sad inside all the time EXCEPT when I am with "friends". Why do I need that like air or water to be happy? Why can't I just be happy because I have so much to be thankful for? I have started therapy again and she asked me to find a job. I am overqualified for the kind of job I want to do and no one even responds to my application!!
 
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samething responded:
I can relate to everything u say. I live alone no friends, no children can't work only hold on for my pets. I have lost so much and so many people. Just don't understand how to live anymore!


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