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I need to talk..
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helplesslylost posted:
Hi there. My name is Tori. I am 17 years old and was diagnosed with Depression almost 3 years ago. I am currently not taking any prescription meds. I don't see a therapist. I used to majorly self-harm. I've been dealing with that as well by telling myself I'm better than that. I will admit that I sadly slip up and self-harm from time-to-time.
I've lost interest in almost everything I used to enjoy. Facebook, friends, social activities, my pets... I either sleep for over 8 hours or don't sleep for over 24. My moods change like the wind. I could be happy all day and something so small and irrelevant could make my mood go spiraling. I get angry at the littlest thing. I break into tears for sometimes no reason at all.
I've considered suicide multiple times. I never would because I'm afraid that if I did, my life could make a startling change for the better, but it would be too late for me. I've talked to a few of my closest friends about how I feel; they always tell me suicide is never the answer, (And I know this.) they will always be there for me, etc. But when I try and talk to them about the very core of my feelings, I get brushed of. I guess it kinda makes me mad that I could listen to their problems and give heartfelt answers, but when I ask for the same, I'm always alone.
My depression stems mostly from my family. But that's a story for another day..
I just found this site today. And even if nobody replies to my post, that's okay. I just mostly needed to get all this off my chest in a place where many others are going through almost the same situations. And by telling complete strangers how I feel, I know I won't get as judged by you as I would by my friends. I guess I'm looking for advice, someone to talk to who understands. Someone who can relate..
And like I said, even if no one replies to what I've said, all is well. But it would be nice to see what people say about my situation..
Reply
 
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paytonh responded:
Hello,

I am sorry you feel alone. I feel alone too. I found this site today as well and posted as an anonymous user due to the paranoia and fear of being recognized. I realized later that since no one seems to take how I feel seriously either, it was probably pointless.

Live is worth living. I am severely depressed but I hide it very well. That might actually make things worse as I feel I cannot be accepted by people the way I am. When I was 17, I was awkward, bullied, and abused by those I loved. I left a year after I graduated high school to join the military, but that's another story. I would not recommend that, however.

I wish I could tell you things get better, and people become less selfish as you get older, but they don't. That being said, there are still people out there who want to listen and know there are still others like them out there. I am one of those, and I'm sure there are many in this discussion board who are also.

I've never self mutilated myself, though in times of manic episodes I have lashed out by over scratching or tugging on my hair. Screaming was also a constant habit of mine.

I sought help after years of simply making it from one day to the next, dreading every interaction and hating the fact that I had to wake up an not be able to sleep forever. That decision changed me.

I am coping better. I don't know what capabilities or facilities you have at your disposal due to family, location or funding. Being here and just letting out what you want to say is wonderful. It tells me you want to be alive, to be loved and cherished. The first step to do that in my experience, is to love and cherish yourself. You have talents and goals, I know you do, what are they? I would really like to know.
 
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wall_flowers replied to paytonh's response:
You seem to be in tough spot. You mention that your depression could stem from family issues, so it's possible that you could have situational depression. But that doesn't make it any less serious or painful. You mentioned that your emotions change a lot, you could be happy, then sad. Do you think it could be possible that you have bi-polar depression? If you haven't been to a doctor or anything, I would recommend it. Of course I don't know what your situation is, or if it's available to you at this time.... I would be glad to talk to you though. Take care, I'll look forward to hearing from you soon...


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