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My Depression
chaython posted:
Everything feels so pointless, I don't enjoy anything, I'm very lonely.
You know some people are happy for surpassing others in things?, but even if I win at something I feel bad for everyone else.

I've felt depressed since I was 12, I don't know why. I haven't had the best life, I really got over it. But I just don't see anything as worth doing, I've felt suicidal, "what's the point in life", although I've always been too scared to take my own life. I cry often, sometimes I'll have a breakdown crying as I laugh.
I feel maybe, just maybe, I'd be happy if I had some people I felt were really my friend, or if I had a GF/BF. But I'm unable to accomplish anything of sorts, because first of all I'm not very good looking, and having no hobbies ETC, I don't have anything to talk bout that doesn't depress people..
I don't know why exactly I'm posting here, maybe for some opinions and positive enthusiasm, people often try to say "you're not that bad looking" etc, but I know they're just trying to make me happy and there's no legitimacy to it.
riversw responded:
I know exactly what you mean. I remember my first suicidal thought happening on my elementary school playground. I don't know what age I was, but I had to be way too young to be thinking about something like that.

I would venture to say that you're not necessarily just "over" what you consider to have been not the "best life" if you are feeling this way. It's worth it to hash it out with a counselor - you never know. An objective opinion has highlighted so very many things I thought were not really important.

I also know what you mean about friends and GF/BF. Problem is I'm usually looking for a savior instead of a companion. I seem to be an absolute narcissist magnet for that reason and when it comes to the point in the relationship that I need some support said narcissist hits the road because I'm no longer catering to THEIR needs.

I know why you're posting here. You're posting here for the same reason I am. You're reaching out and that's a huge step in and of itself. All we can do is work on it and pat each other on the back along the way. So here's a virtual pat on the back and an understanding smile. I get it. Let's keep going.

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