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Why do I feel empty?
An_258196 posted:

I am a 25 year old female. At times, I feel absolutely nothing. It has gotten significantly worse over the past year. However, my emptiness isn't constant. My mood will go from happy, loving life and feeling content and all of a sudden, for no apparent reason I will feel empty. I don't want to say I feel sad because it isn't sadness. I cry in the bathroom at work for no reason, I am extremely irritable to the point where I lose control over my temper, I cannot concentrate and I feel tired. So tired.

I am currently experiencing one of these episodes. I have felt nothing all day. I am not interested in anything except going home to my bed and sleeping. The more I pretend to be happy the more I feel like bursting into tears. Interacting with my peers becomes the most difficult thing for me to do. I want to be completely isolated and alone. I push my partner away, I push everyone away. How can I even begin to explain how I am feeling? There are no words. I just feel empty. Sometimes the only reason I think I'm still here is because I could never hurt my loved ones by taking my own life.

There is nothing wrong with my life. I have got a good family and a man who loves me more than I am capable of understanding. I don't know how to accept a person loving me as much as he does and I don't think I fully believe it.

I've had an eating disorder since I was 16. My father died when I was four and my mother whom of which I never got along with died two years ago. Substance abuse. She was the most unhappy woman I have known and I am scared I am becoming just like her. I feel like if I continue this way I will lose my boyfriend. I used to have a drinking problem but drinking in excess no longer interests me. I don't know if I will ever feel normal. I don't know if I ever have.

I feel like I am taking up space.
rohvannyn responded:
Welcome. I'm glad to have you here. Especially because I think I have some idea of what you are going through.

As I undesrstand it, that feeling of emptiness is a classic sign of depression. And you probably know that depression doesn't just mean a lot of sadness... it's a chemical imbalence in the brain that robs you of your usual thinking patterns and habits. Sometiems it can be diet related, sometimes it can be stress related, and a whole host of other causes. Sometimes, and this is hardest of all, it can be related only to problems with your neurotransmitters and have no real relationship to how good or bad your life is!

Luckily, depression can be treated. So there definitely is hope. It's hard feeling empty like that, not caring. For me anyway there is a certain inertia to it, it's self perpetuating. But it doesn't have to be forever. I hope you feel better soon.
mickyxx responded:
Hello, If there is anything I can guarantee you it's that it will definitely get better! You will feel back to yourself in no time, I'm 25 yrs old, came back from living abroad at 23 and couldn't find a job, couldn't afford to go out , put on weight, substance abuse and alcohol , low paid job I hated, was depressed for almost 2 years on medication eventually, then I started to lose friends and things were bad, I decided to think hang on, let's start again, I realised my true friends did end up coming to me, they were alrite relaxed at home, I really realised who I had around me especially my family and it's made me form the best genuine honest loving relationships around me and concentrate on that part first, do one thing at a time and by improving little and often you will start to feel all the positive and happy energy in your life, hard times can make a person reach new heights and fight back and it sounds like that's what you want and good for you! It will just take time, I'm now 25, working in London as an estate agent dedicated to my work and job, not ready for relationships yet as I have the best year of my life with friends and family and creating the kind of life I want for myself, work hard and keep going, take help, medication was the start of me being positive again, don't be too hard in yourself aswell, sorry to waffle I hope this helps! Xx

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