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How do I Win The Battle??
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crystalbeginnings posted:
I'm 37 year old woman and have been struggling with depression for most of my adult life. At the heart of my daily struggle is my social ineptness. I have the habit of sticking my foot in the mouth which makes me feel like a huge jerk. I don't mean to sound hurtful or rude but at times it just happens. And when it does, the immense guilt I feel afterwards is almost unbearable. Usually I feel like I am not smart enough to to contribute to a meaningful discussion and resort to either being quiet in social situations or avoiding them all together. I often wonder to myself, why was I cursed with the affliction of depression?? As awful as it may sound, I sometimes wish I was cursed with some other malady. What I would give to be the smart, witty, alcoholic, beautiful, life of the party kind of girl!

With the help of therapy, I've been able to learn that the source of my depression is from my childhood upbringing. I was raised in an environment where my siblings and I were constantly made not to feel, smart, beautiful or worth anything. I've learnt to accept my past, forgive those who have wronged me.

I am also learning to accept myself. That we all as humans have our own quirks, imperfections, our crosses to bear. I just wish mine wasn't depression! Having said that, I try my best to change what I can about myself. To be kinder, to say hello with a smile, to show my love for those who love me, to work on a hobby, but it's tough. Feels like swimming against the tide!

It feels like an insurmountable task conquering all these feelings of guilt, fear, helplessness, and worthlessness. The only thing that gives me strength to face each day is my love for God. How can I disappoint him by not fighting back?

So my question to anyone out there is this: How can I win this battle against depression? How can I find that place of peace, happiness and contentment? With no dread for social gatherings? Or dread of what I may say or how I say it? Dread of just facing another day? How can I learn to love and respect myself?

Any helpful words would be very much appreciated.

Thanks,
Crystal
Reply
 
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wiccacelt79 responded:
I have been down that road all my life. I was dagnosed at the age of 16 and am 34 now and still struggle. Been through years of theraphy and medication. Right now I am in a rut but it helps to have someone that you are close to. A family member, spouse or a friend. Being alone is not a good thing and though you may want to be alone at times, all the time is not healthy. Try a support group either in person or online like here.
 
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crystalbeginnings replied to wiccacelt79's response:
Thanks wiccacelt79 for you kind supportive words. I'll definitely make a point of reaching out more for support whether it's offline or online. Again many thanks!
 
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rohvannyn responded:
I'm glad to see you are fighting back against your depression. Keep in mind that it's is a lot harder to do the "right thing" if your brain chemistry is off, so you ought to be congratulated for even trying! I've been there too. My problem is related to my upbringing also, so I Know something of what you feel.

One thing that really helped me was to find out what nutrients my body was missing. When I started eating clean, and eliminating things that were harmful to me, it was much easier to practice my good behaviors and fight the depression.

Not saying this is a cure all, but it's worth looking at. Also, vitamin supplements didn't do much, whole foods did.

Things that helped me: blue foods such as blueberries and potatoes. sesame, especially black sesame. chickpeas, hummus. Clean water.

Good luck!
 
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rohvannyn replied to crystalbeginnings's response:
Forgot: green tea, especially the powdered kind called matcha. You are worth good health, you are worth love, you are worth success. You also might want to try writing positive messages to yourself. In time, you can actually start to reprogram your own brain. It feels silly but it can help.

"I love myself. I accept myself. I can love and be loved. I can be successful. I am successful." And so on.
 
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crystalbeginnings replied to rohvannyn's response:
Thanks rohvannyn for your words of encouragement. You don't know how much of a comfort it is! By the way you are the second person who has suggested to me about how nutrition can help. I'm definitely going to give the whole foods and green tea a try.
 
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rohvannyn replied to crystalbeginnings's response:
You are quite welcome! I wish you the best.


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