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Now What?
chris314 posted:
Well you have heard the saying "luck of the Irish" - it's nothing but bad, very bad luck. I seem to have stepped in the very deep end of this bad luck. I'm a diabetic, Bipolar (manic depressive), PTSS, was tortured
twice(once as a child, then once while in the military), and the list goes on. The worst is betrayal from friends and family, the kind of stuff that leaves a big hole in your chest where your heart used to be. My entire life has been one big failure after another. I just lost my job for something so idiotic its insane. My wife doesn't want to put me on her medical insurance because she thinks I'm going to drag her down with me. I don't find her very supportive of my situation. My depression has kicked into high gear and the medicines not working, I did this CT treatment - what a waste of time and money, all it really did was screw up my neck. My head shirker has given up on me. He texts the office manger to call him or come into the room to shorten the cession. I got messed up by some doctor you said I had kidney stones, but he lied. They went digging around and jacked up that area which is most sensitive. And this is just in the last six months. O yeah I can't forget that my wife wants to divorcee me because she thinks I'm a loser also and won't find another job. She doesn't want to "take care of me". So things are pretty F@#Ked up right now.
I'm pushed to the wall or the side of a cliff more likely. Everything is unraveling and falling through my fingers. I don't see any way out anymore and I've given up on myself too.
So, I trying to decide if its going to be with a gun (a 40 s&w hollow point) to the melon (mine of coarse) or a bottle of sleeping pills, a bottle of this other fine pharmaceutical and my favorite bottle from Capt. Morgan.
My head is so messed up I'm in a state of panic, hopelessness, I feel rejected, I'm in constant pain, I can't sleep. I just want to crawl in a hole and stop being. I want it all to stop I give up, I don't know what to do

I think the pills and the booze will work, I'll just fall asleep and never wake up. I'm scared
rohvannyn responded:
Hey there, welcome to the community. I wish I could come over there and give you a great big hug... not that it would really fix anything, but it would let you know that another human being cares. I know you are going through hell right now and I wish I could give some advice that could make it better.

It sounds like you are able to deal with straight talk so I'll be plain, if that's okay. For now, hang on, take it one step at a time. You are still breathing. That's good. I think it's abominable that the people in your life who are supposed to care about you have deserted you. Have you asked your shrink why he's cheating you like this? If you have some way of affording it, can you ask for another shrink? You deserve to be treated by someone who gives a crap!

I'm especially sorry your wife isn't being supportive. You know better than I do what's best, but have you asked her why she's acting as if she doesn't love you? I'll bet she really does love you, but she needs a wake up call that she needs your help. Ask her how much it costs to add you to her medical insurance... to add my spouse it would be about $165 per PAY PERIOD which would mean I couldn't pay bills or buy groceries. But if this is the case, she needs to communicate with you about that and help you find alternatives!

Your relationship is the main thing that will save your life. If she can't be supportive of you I hope you can find a way to assert yourself or leave. She needs to understand how much she is hurting you with this behavior. I really, really hope your luck gets better. Maybe get mad at the problem? Sometimes that helps dispel depression.
Thomas L Schwartz, MD responded:
ditto what has been said.. you have 20 things going on...My suggestion, if you can find a new psychatrist and start from scratch (even though that sounds bad in that you have to meet someone new and re tell your story...) as you will get a new opinion and fair shot at getting better. please go see someone
riversw responded:
I agree! Go see someone new! Luck of the Irish is GOOD luck. There's also the term Black Irish - which doesn't just mean dark complected - it's that dark temperament. I understand - I have it too, but I can't imagine what you've been through.

Speaking of - you need to consider how strong you are to be dealing with all that you have - since childhood - and you're still here - you're still going! Soooo many people could not have withstood everything you've been through, but look at you! You've not only NOT given up - you're sharing your past AND reaching out. That takes a huge amount of, let's say, guts because not only is there this awful stigma about mental illness, you've got the double whammy of the stigma of a man discussing his mental illness.

You, sir, are the hero of your own story and you need to seek out those who recognize that about you. Starting with your therapist. Do not put up with that!!! Firstly - massively unprofessional and secondly - to quote Bon-qui-qui - rude!

(Watch Anjelah Johnson - she'll make you laugh.)

Much love

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