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    why are good people always alone
    bucha25 posted:
    have noticed on this board that many people are depressed because they are alone. no family, no friends, etc. WHY???????????????? For wonder why were so depressed!! There is NO REASON for good people like us to be alone all the time. Why is it that bad, abusive, mean, nasty people have people in their lives? Like my family. All they do is put me down so I stay away from them. But they have their spouses family, parties, family gatherings, etc. My mother will favor my brothers kids and him until the day she dies. She got his wifes family. They don't give a dam about me or my son. not even a happy birthday and/or card on my sons birthday. The only time people will come around is when they have NO ONE and are struggling. People are SO SELFISH these days. I was always a good person, never put people down, tried to make friends my WHOLE LIFE and don't have ANY AT ALL. But the people that are NO GOOD are never alone and have family and friends. I just will NEVER understand it. NEVER. I used to tell people you should stay in touch with friends that care about you if you end up divorced, widowed, etc. They don't listen. They don't care. Their not alone. I don't understand why good people are always alone and these no good people are not and don't care about us. Does anyone have any answers?? Please let me know. Thank you.
    jpcil responded:
    Hi Bucha.

    A lot of us are alone because people who have never had depression have no idea how serious it is and can't understand us. Fear of the unknown drives people away. And let's face it, when we're depressed our personalites change and we're not easy to be around. Look at all the people who write because their significant other is depressed and they don't know how to help. Those people are hurting too. I'm sorry that your family has reacted the way they have. I don't know what to tell you to change the situation. Only that if they reach out to help, let them. If you constantly shut them out they'll eventually give up on trying.

    Sorry I couldn't be of more help. Jen
    tominsd responded:
    Hi Buncha

    I know exactly how you feel. I don't know if I could be of much help to you, but here it goes. I feel that the reason people can be abusive is that they have so much wrong with them. I'm sure they have depression; probably worse than you do. Also, it could be because of jeolosy on their part. Insecure and unhappy people have a habit of putting others down because they are so unhappy. Sometimes people try to lift themselves up by putting others down. It will all catch up to them.

    I've gone through times of feeling that evil people seem to do better than I do. There are a couple of guys that are my neighbors and they have girlfriends; and probably have all the sex they want with them. Yet, these guys treat them like crap and these women end up coming back for more. That's just something I can not understand.

    I'm not much into giving advice to people, but I may have to make an exception. We can't compare ourselves to others - when we do, we end up feeling bad about ourselves. You have to keep in mind that it may not be nearly as good with others as you see it. If they are bad people, then it will catch up to them in the worst way. I know that I fall into the trap many times.

    I guess I can just say is hang in there. I know how you feel because I'm going through the same thing.
    bluestreak2 responded:
    I guess, I'll throw my two cents in. I took some psych classes in college because I wanted to understand my depression better and to understand the meds....find alternatives to the meds etc. Anyways the point is. ....One of the first things I learned in class was this. 1 out of every 5 people have some kind of psychological "abnormal" for lack of a better word. Depression, bipolar, anxiety sure. There are also eating disorders, obsessive compulsive etc. So MOST of the people who judge us, have some mix ups of their own. They're just afraid to admit to it. Or to get treated for it, etc. I believe healthy people get help and treatment. So who are they to judge us? When they can't face their own isues? In the long run we're better off for dealing with our issues. We have a better understanding of who we are and what makes us tick.

    Taking those classes, was life changing for me. It allowed me to open up more. To understand that I wasn't alone in the craziness of my depression. Which in turn allowed me to look at my life, and make some changes. I got rid of my lazy no-good etc. ex husband. Walked the path as a single mom for awhile, because I found the inner strength of my "disease". Sure I have depression. But it doesn't have me. ))) And now here we are...I met a man who has obsessive compulsive. A wonderful man, who's very supportive to me, and I to him. When he's going crazy over the pictures hanging just right, I quietly take them out of his hand, and give him a big kiss. When I'm crying for no apparent reason, he hugs me tight, lets me cry, then says something to make me laugh.

    No one is perfect. LEAST OF ALL ME!!!!! But a thought for you to toss around......have you looked for someone as imperfect as you ? Sometimes "the odd couple" are the best couples
    ninouchoute responded:
    I understand what you feel. I shall have been able to write word for word what you said. I live exactlement the same thing and I live it as an injustice. Like you I have a son. I wonder the same question than you and I don't find the answer. And sometimes, I say to my mind that maybe me who have a problem. But no. I try to live a good life and I have values. But, I don't understand. I 've a social life with my job where I have success and I haven't got problem with my colleage.
    Sometimes, I don't want to really to admit it, but I think that my family is jealous. I feel it. Maybe don't appreciate me allow them to be together. My mother favourize my brothers and their children and never invite me when there is a party in the family. It's only where there are bad news or where there are responsabilites to take that my family come to me. It's incredible ! They want my brain and my hands but not me. And they don't be ashame.
    Maybe they think that I have all I need and that I don't need them. But why to be in touch with them if it's for denigrate, lie.... Sorry, but I can't. Mediocres people like to be together to they eliminate the good. I know they speak a lot about me. To say what ? I wonder.
    I think that's the reason they stay away from me. I try to come towards them but it's seem they are bothered. I am not perfect, i am not the worse person on earth but my family doesn't accept me. It's life.

    Sorry for my english writting, english is note my first language.

    voidup responded:
    Hi bucha28
    I am very alone I dont know why people dont like to talk to me. I am a middle school student and I am topper in my class every teacher appreciate me but all my classmates are jealous of me sorry my for my eng. Grammer but nobody want to talk to me everybody make fun of me, yesterday I googled "what to do when alone" there I found" try to find someone on the internet." So I want somebody to talk to me like a real friend. On last monday I went to a student of our class to make him my new friend he said "I dont like the people who scores 1st rank in class always , why dont u give us a chance to score 1st rank " then he started making fun of me in front of the whole class nobody want to talk to me so pls would u like to my new friend .and I want to know why this happens only with good and kind people everybody appreciates me but the people of my age why they hate me and jealous of me I want to know the answer I dont hav any friend now so pls would u like to be my new friend.
    thistledown1973 responded:
    When I was depressed (yes I beat it but it takes effort every day to maintain) I felt alone even when surrounded by friends and family because I felt they would not understand what I was feeling or weren't interested in helping me figure out my depression.

    Now I have a friend with depression who complains of being lonely/alone despite having numerous children and friends, but when I ask if they want to visit or hang out with me they say they are too busy or it's too far of a drive and never offer to have me visit them. It makes it very difficult when the depression causes a conflict like feeling alone but purposely keeping people distant.

    I also have a friend who deliberately shoves people away and makes bad choices, and they keep getting good things and their butt pulled out of the coals no matter how many times they jump into the proverbial fire. It sucks to watch, but I realize that I have the pleasure of knowing I have earned what I have and didn't get bailed out because I didn't learn from my mistakes.

    I am NOT afraid of the unknown; I have stood by friends through many of the triggering events you can imagine. I have visited friends when they were hospitalized for mental illness, and even almost got tossed out for getting a bunch of patients lock-stepping while singing "Daydream Believer".

    There are days when my children signing/running around the house is wonderful, but when I have a migraine I tel them to please keep the volume down and although I am glad they are having fun, ANY noise is painful when I am hurting. I don't want them to feel guilty or upset because I can handle the intensity; I want them to know it is MY issue.

    Sometimes I can handle being with my mentally ill friends on their worst days, and sometimes my life is so overwhleming I cannot lend more than a very distant ear because I am already juggling all I can at the moment. I don't want them to feel like THEY are the issue; they are NOT. Sometimes I cannot be what they want or need at that moment and that is MY issue.

    I am a good person, I am not alone. I may feel alone, but all it takes is for me to reach out and I find that even when they are busy I have loved ones who care and think of me. I may not be able to reach out and hold your hand, but believe me, there are people who DO care sincerely and are thinking of you as much as they can.

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