Depression Community

I am a 31 year old female dealing with a lot. I have been a depressed soul for almost 10 years of my life I don't want to own it by I don't know what else to do. I am just so tired all the time physically and mentally. The worst thing is that no one understands...who wants to feel like this all the time everyone thinks its so easy to change. I look in the mirror and I don't even know who I am I just know what I look like. I know that I use to be such a sweet vibrant person...now I'd rather be alone and asleep. I hate my job, I hate being a mother at times because I'm too tired to control my child. I hate being a girlfriend because all my boyfriend does is complain that I need to change that I need to grow up that he doesn't understand why I'm this way. I don't want to be this way but I don't know how else to be anymore. I've been seeing a therapist off and on but cannot even afford my copay so its not a steady thing nor have I been prescribed any medicine I'm always reading up on how to change and easy ways to help me figure out whats wrong to no avail. I'm at work crying, I have panic attacks all the time. I'm just miserable and want to be alone. I want the world to leave me alone and then maybe I'd be ok. The most hurtful thing is that I am letting my daughters life pass me by, she is nine years old and I don't even have the energy to even do anything with her. I have the energy to lay there and watch a movie with her but that is it and she is very active. My days I don't look forward to anything I never have anything planned. One of the biggest things is that my boyfriend is so active that the things I just get on his nerves because I just want to rest. I just need some rest. I try to go back to where this all stemmed from an abusive relationship and a hard dealt childhood. It was fairly easy but it was hard to me because my parents sheltered me my whole life they let me walk out into the world so to say naked. I knew nothing and still feel like I don't know anything then I just see the world passing me by a new generation and here I am getting older and not knowing even half of what they know. I do know that I don't want the negativity of my boyfriend bringing me down even more because he doesn't understand and his words make me want to bury my head in the sand. Maybe I need to be by myself to get MY life together so that I can be a better person and a better mother to myself...........I am so confused please help me.

Hi Shansworld and welcome,

You've found a very supportive community here, one with a lot of understanding.

I encourage you to start your own discussion with your message so others can more easily find you and respond.

To do that, hold your mouse cursor over the orange Post Now button on the upper right and choose 'Discussion' from the drop down menu that appears.

Hey there! Welcome. There are a lot of people here that would like to help you deal with all your going through. I agree with Caprice, post a discussion and we can make suggestions and offer advice to help.

Hey, I know just how you feel! Iam in my fifties and I really think that our parents some times want the best for us but I too think that I was and still am so unprepared for the real world that I have let alot of my life pass me by! No marriage, few friends and I think my unhappiness and buried anger have just about destroyed my nursing career ,my financial well being. The boyfriend is not helping, i know that being alone is frightening, but you are only in your thirties, dont wait like I did! Get some help anyway you can!

Hi Shansworld. I thought I had replied to you already but guess I didn't. Sorry. This sounds like my story. I couldn't have written it better myself. The only difference in your story and mine is that I am married and have a son. Everything else is exactly the same. Even almost your name and mine. I resent being called lazy, and my hubby telling me to snap out of it. If it were that easy, then believe me, I would have been cured a long time ago! Self help is good, but the only thing that I believe will help w/the panic attacks is medication. I have no energy for my hyperactive son, who is like the energizer bunny that keeps going and going. He is very active and I'm quite the opposite. I am lethargic even. I now have epilepsy and I'm afraid to go out in public. I hide in my house, don't answer the door, keep blinds closed, don't answer phone. I really just want to be left alone. The internet and support groups like this one, and prayers to my God are what gets me thru. We have to hang in there for our kids tho. I will say a prayer for u. Good luck, and get well soon if u can!

My father recently died. He was in his eighties. I am 52 years old. He and I had a love/hate relationship. I often did not communicate with him because he had a habit of criticizing me & I rarely received good advice from him. However, he often helped me financially when I was going through hard times and was forgiving to me when I made bad decisions. Now I need do make sense of our relationship.
Also, I have to write a letter -not long, short is ok, some sort of condolence - to his sister - my aunt - about his death. I don't know what to say. I don't want to sound like a complainer. She and I were not that close. I need to say something appropriate. I can't spend my time feeling helpless because I don't know what to say.
Thanks for your help.

hello, all --

a duplicate of this message is at http://forums.webmd.com/3/depression-exchange/forum/8885 . you can post a response either here or there, altho there is preferable.


hello, O --

i will respond in the other thread in a few minutes. don't worry about posting this twice; it's not a big deal!

-- susie margaret

hello, O --

i've responded to your message at http://forums.webmd.com/3/depression-exchange/forum/8885 (third post).

-- susie margaret