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Loved One Properly Diagnosed? Advice Needed :(
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An_203177 posted:
Involved w/ a great, funny, loving, respectful, thoughtful Man at TIMES. I feeled fooled at times and always questioning the behavior of my BF. I am in my mid thirties as he is in late thirties. The expression swept off feet, we clicked instanly no games just compatabilty from coversation to the next. Happiness inside an out where it was showing all over. We went as far as purchasing a dog. I noticed after several months the sex drive once that had been shown was no longer around. I took it personal naturally and then he sat me down to tell me he has been batteling depression for several years on and off again and the Meds effect the drive, I believe and I am completly supportive of this situation because he let me in and made sure I was made comfortable.

My heart is involved so I am very torn, I started to witness insane mood changes " no drug or alchohol abuse involved past or present" He would talk crazy about the new pet he had just purchased. Things like she is ugly, smells, does nothing for me. First thought he was kidding because I was so attached and instanly fell for her as he did too or acted as if he did? I expressed my feelings toward the odd remarks and he would say I am overly sensitive but my gut said no there is a big difference here than I thought did he stop taking "MEDS" Lexapro (generic)? I even thought he was trying to turn me off so I would walk away, it worked after the third time of the im just kidding to the I love the dog to it is my heart, etc. to him hitting if dog had accidents. I was devastated and hurt for the dog and how could anyone breathe or even think the horrific thoughts that would come out of this persons mouth and who is this other person I get previews of? Hot cold, up down, the im sorry I wont do it or say anything like that ever again I dont mean it. But I witnessed it and was brought to tears it was very real.

I have the dog we share her, he is now in normal mood all about the dog for now. Not sure when the other side will reveal itself, I hope it doesn't. I want to believe him is that pathetic? I have seen such an amazing side to this person that I am in disbelief to the two sides "sweet, loving, concerned, mannerly, to Pyschotic, not human, heartbreaking mean, and dowN, negitive" I have been shown. I fell in love with the gentlemen side of him the Nasty side I can run and did but want to believe he is just Kidding or really depressed and using the dog as a mood hider I am embaressed and far from desperate just dont give up on people I care about. I told him all of my concerns he apologized over and over again.

I looked up several different Depression Symptoms I can't match one. Please your input is appreciated, he never got like this with me not yet with the put downs and mean outburst just the dog and angry in talking of the dog.. He is laid back has friends, I even thought about talking to one of them but nervous he will be confronted and said he is a nut by one of them. Great family very involved and close it all doesnt make sense. This is my last straw, if he acts goofy again knowing the pain and turnoff it has caused I will have to walk away again with my dog and not look back... Please help me understand if this is an illness or just a Nasty human?
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lazydazey responded:
This kind of sounds like bi-polar/manic depressive behavior. And unfortunately there is no cure, but there are medications that can treat it. Also unfortunately a lot of folks that have this start feeling better when they find the right medication, and then think "Oh I'm better, I don't need the medication" and then they stop taking it-and then the ups, the downs come back. Don't know if this is the case with your BF, but perhaps he should go to a mental health professional and you should go with him to hear what the professional has to say. But it sounds like he needs to talk to someone, and it sounds like his meds (when he does take them) aren't working very well if at all. And he is right, many antidepressants affect the sex drive. If you plan to continue being with him, hopefully he will get professional help (and maybe find a medication that works better) so you and he are not subject to the extreme ups and downs you've experienced so far. It has to be hard on him, feeling this way and not being able to really control it. And it must be hard on you, trying to deal with it-but he really needs to get evaluated by a professional so that together they can try different meds and maybe find the right one; his life and yours would probably be a lot calmer. But if he won't get help, and continues to act like this, you are going to have some tough choices to make. I wish you luck. Take care.
 
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ConfusedHeartInPHILA replied to lazydazey's response:
Thank you so much for responding...I def think there is a disorder and as far a professional yes he needs to talk to one but no insurance
 
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lazydazey replied to ConfusedHeartInPHILA's response:
In a lot of towns and cities there are mental health clinics that work on a sliding scale according to your income-you might try calling your county health department, maybe they can steer you to one; also, if he does get in to see a doc, maybe he could ask for samples of medicine so he is not forking out money for something that may not work. There are so many different meds, it's hit or miss sometimes finding the right one. Another poster recommended a website, nami.org (national alliance on mental illness) that has local support groups in a lot of towns in a lot of states, maybe there is a local chapter near you and maybe they could help. Hope this helps, wish you luck.
 
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hope7951 replied to lazydazey's response:
Lazy is correct. There is a sliding scale clinic in every county in the US. Look in the blue pages of any phone book under mental health. People who get bipolar generally have near-relatives with bipolar, depression or addiction. The average age of onset is 18-25 with men generally beginning with a manic episode and woman starting with depression which is often misdiagnosed. Untreated, people with bipolar will become non-functional by the thrid or fourth episode. It is very serious but treatable but has a lifetime suicide rate of 20 %.

One thing you might want to do is get him to an MD for a complete physical many illness mimic the syptoms of bipolar ( especially if it does not run in his family or he is older than 40). Among these are thyroid disorders, blood sugar and even now it is common to have vitamin D deficiency that causes mood swings, headaches, irratability and pain. Please have him checked out by a doctor and then ask if he needs a psychiatrist or psychologist.
 
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Thomas L Schwartz, MD responded:
Hello- the symptoms are confusing. They could be part of a depression where people do get labile and irritable. Could be he was on/off hsi meds. Could be on/off drugs or alcohol. Could be part of bipolar, but in bipolar patients the mood swings tend to be sustained for days/weeks not a few hours.
He certainly could/should be seen about the erratic behavior and you should probably set some limits about putting up with it.
 
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ConfusedHeartInPHILA replied to lazydazey's response:
Tremendous help, thanks again. He is currently recieving unemployment so I know he will not qualify. Also his friend is a therapist so maybe he didnt tell him everything and is miss diagnosed. A family friend is getting him samples from a doctor of the Lexapro an generic when samples run out. I want all the help in the world for him, but he has to want too. I can only go so far n the end is near if there is another mean attack or psychotic episode with the put downs towards an innocent animal
 
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ConfusedHeartInPHILA replied to hope7951's response:
Thank you for the information, I know this is very serious and my heart goes out to anyone who is suffering or has a loved one suffering from any type of depression. I didnt see this in the begining "signs" I also asked if he started and stopped meds he said no you can't it is bad if you do.. Also he has tried several different anti depressants, this last one has seemed to work for him he feels, I disagree. This week he is good "aka Normal" I dont mean that in a bad way, I mean his mood isn't nasty with the names toward the dog he is now in I love this dog so much mode... That is the person I fell for the affectionate one...
 
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ConfusedHeartInPHILA replied to Thomas L Schwartz, MD's response:
I agree the symptoms are very confusing. He is not on drugs and there is no history of drug/alcohol use. He may have a casual beer or glass wine. Eats normal takes vitamins says takes 20mg of meds everynight before bed. I cant explain the change I have messages saved and sometimes I go back and review them and then I read the nice normal considerate messages and I am so confused and left with doubt.

I even asked him hey why the sudden change and he said I don't know the pet has me all of a sudden. At times I feel so stuck and other times I am so pushed away by the not normal side that I can run and not look back, than he gets lil soft and eases back in and becomes "aka" normal.... So far I have previewed the change 3 times. You are right it is for a 1 1/2 to 2 week time frame..

I am moody I know bad day, bad mood verse torturing, it is torture like he wants me upset. I even asked him do you hate me or something? He says no and will kinda come back to reality but sometimes I really believe he can not help it... Who would do that on purpose, I have known him since childhood but after years we reconnected so he is not a stranger... Thank you so much for even responding to my post...
 
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ragu1 replied to Thomas L Schwartz, MD's response:
My family doctor is doing a great job helping me with my depression. It has been very slow and sometimes seem to be going backwards. I am on medication and also using the workbook Overcoming Depression One Step At A Time. My doctor asked me if I would consider going to someone trained in the feild of depression. I am so stressed about seeing someone else I can hardly function. He is not making me do this and I am not comfortable changing.I cannot fathom talking with someone else at this time. help!!!


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