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I don't want Mothers Day
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4cats1dog posted:
My title sounds rude, but in a way that is how I'm feeling. I lost my mom last July to cancer and I helped my family cope and get through some hard times. But than two months ago I had a miscarriage and the depression worsened. I am so grateful to have had my mom as long as I did & have so many memories and little regrets. I decided I wanted my own family (always have, just want it more now) so I could have children to make my own memories with. After losing the baby I was depressed even more, I hide it as best I can from my husband because he thinks I should be 'getting over it'. Don't get me wrong, he was devastated when I learned I was losing the baby, it just hasn't been as hard on him, or maybe he is trying to be strong too. He has been a good support, I just need to talk to someone to learn how to talk to him.

All these TV commercials are about Mother's Day, my mom is gone & I am not a mom --that is what keeps going through my head, I can't get it out. Than on Saturday found out a good friend of the family has to have a biopsy this week after finding lumps on her breast and all the pains and worries from my own mom keep coming back. The thought of losing someone is not a hard one, I believe in God and an afterlife. It's the thought of that person having to go through all the pain. And us as family members not having that person to rely on anymore, sometimes I just want to talk to her.
I like to think that my baby is in Heaven with my mom, I do believe that and it makes me so happy. But Mother's Day is still driving me crazy right now...
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An_203243 responded:
HI

I lost my mom to brain cancer 3 years ago. The first time you go through a holiday is really hard. The second year holidays do get a little easier. You will always miss your mom at the holidays but I have had to move to thinking about the fun times I had with her during the holidays. The more time goes on the more I feel as if she if watching over me especially during a holiday.

Elizabeth
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
You're not alone, dear one.

As Elizabeth said, those first holidays can be very difficult after such a loss or losses. We are bombarded everywhere we turn and it's hard to ignore. (((hugs)))

I invite you to talk with others on a couple of our other exchanges:

Grief and Loss

Coping with Pregnancy Loss


Be gentle with yourself. Only another week to go and this coming holiday will be behind you.
 
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4cats1dog replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
Thank you both. Sometimes a kind word & a sunny day makes all the difference. This leading up to Mother's Day has been harder for me than her birthday & even Christmas were for me, maybe because of miscarriage.
I will check out the other exchanges for sure. & will try to remember the happy times we had. I was with her last Mother's Day, it's going to be a tough week.
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to 4cats1dog's response:
(((hugs)))
 
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An_203244 responded:
You're not alone in how you feel. I lost my mom very unexpectantly 2.5 years ago and for some reason this Mother's Day is taking a major toll on me. I can't even imagine the pain you and your husband are feeling to have lost a child as well.

I'm trying to make the best of Mother's Day and think of something that I can do special for her such as put flowers on the grave, have a picnic (which she loved to do) etc. The next couple of days are going to be hard, but you'll make it through.

By the way, from your username it would seem you have 4 cats and a dog, If this is the case, you are actually a mom. I have 6 cats and unfortunately no children and truly consider myself a mom.

You will someday be a mom of a beautiful child as well and there is no doubt that your baby is in Heaven with your mom. You're going to make a great mom!
 
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cnb02 responded:
Mothers day this year is very difficult for me this year, my mother passed away 13 yrs ago but I still find it hard every mothers day but it just so happens that this mothers day falls on the day that marks the one year anniverary that my father passed away as well. My father lived with me and I am having a real difficult dealing with everything this year, I told my children Please I do not want to do anything this Mother's Day I want to go to the Cemetary and just Reflect on my Mother and Father and the Happy times I had with them, they refused to allow me to do that, because I am on antidepressants they say my antidepressants are not working!! I just feel sad constantly due to the fact that I have neither of parents here any longer and I see people who do and who treat their parents badly or do not take the time to visit with them and if they only knew what it felt like to be without them, it is not a good feeling. So people out there take time to for your parents they will not be here for ever!! I can say I have no regrets I took care of both of parent when they were ill and I think that's why it makes it so hard on me I had to see them suffer soooo much and boy do I miss them!!!!
 
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DeepSigh responded:
Hi,

Mother's Day is a tough time for me too. I lost my Mom 2 years ago and it does get a little easier but I miss her terribly. I hope some day I'll be able to remember her and smile instead of cry. When you say you lost someone, people always ask "Was it sudden?" I think it's always sudden. How can you possible prepare yourself for something like that?

I have a daughter too. (13, ugh!!!) Our relationship is a little rocky at times and it's hard to make new memories. I wish I could stop dwelling on "how it used to be" and start thinking about "how it can be". It very overwhelming. Some of the best moments in my life were with my Mom. We were very close and the loss of her in my daily life has left me sad, depressed, confused and, at times, angry.

Thanks for the ear! It helps to vent sometimes.
 
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Bapmcr9 replied to cnb02's response:
Please speak with your doctor regard the antidepressants.
They can cause problems. If I get 50 MGs of the one prescibed (also taken by the doctor), I am okay. More then 50 MG's and I have suicide thoughts. I do not use that brand any more.
For those who have lost someone. Rent a funny video and watch it. I find this takes my mind off me, my husband passed away last July. His birthday is May 16th. I find prayer helps me also.
 
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An_203245 responded:
Your title doesn't sound rude at all. I understand perfectly how you feel. I, too, hate Mother's Day and look forward to it being over and done with. I lost my 24-year-old son two years ago, and my life has practically come to a dead end. My grief is horrific, and Mother's Day is such an overwhelming reminder of my great loss. I've been so very depressed since my son's passing. Mother's Day is an event that pushes me close to feeling suicidal. Having no one with whom to share these awful thoughts doesn't help things any.
 
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Tif33 replied to cnb02's response:
I lost my mom last month. I am so sad. I am going up to her grave on Mother's Day just to sit and journal to her. I am thinking of you- this is horrible. I miss her deeply.
 
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Tif33 replied to An_203245's response:
I just lost my mom last month. It was sudden. I am an only child and I miss her deeply. I felt that way too. I then thought about how much work she put into me and how I should carry on her gentleness and kindness. Was there something your son really enjoyed? Can you get involved and share his spirit with others? I am thinking of you.
 
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Momwithlosses responded:
Yes, your baby is in Heaven with your Mom. I often think of my Mom in Heaven rocking an infant nephew of mine. I hated Mother's Day the year after my Mom died and the year after my son died(last Year). Last year my husband and I went to a lake town near us for the weekend, I just did not want to pretend to celebrate without my oldest son.
Men and women cope very differently with grief, maybe that is what u r going through too. I tend to lean on sisters and women friends to share my feelings of loss. I would love to talk to my son again, I guess I would like to hear his voice, I will meet up with him in Heaven one day and he will say "Hey Mom" just like he always did and we will hug.
One day at a time, one hour at a time, God bless u.
 
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mal4ever responded:
I lost my mom just over 4 years ago. She had alzheimers, so the last 10 years of her life, she couldn't call my kids by name and somewhere between 5-10 years prior to her death, she couldn't call me by name either. I was 45 at the time and it was so hard to explain to my young boys why grandma didn't remember their names but at least she always greeted us with a big happy grin and hugs. It still hurts so much when other people my age or even older are still celebrating with not only their parents, but grandparents as well. I lost my dad 6 days before my 37th birthday and even though it's been nearly 14 years, it hurts so much when the father's day commercials start also. I am 50 now and I know there are others who are even more unfortunate than me, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. My sympathies to everyone who have lost their parents AND lost children. I will never understand why God takes kids before their parents.
 
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An_203246 responded:
While I still have my mom and am even lucky enough to have my grandmother, I share you dislike for mothers day. I know the feeling of losing a child. Every mothers day since the lost I get depressed. I usually snap out of it when we see other family members that day. To this day we have never told them that I had even been pregnant let alone lost it. Also some years are better than others. It helps me to remember that many women lose their first pregnancy. It doesn't make it hurt less but it reminds me that the next time will be fine. Bless you


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