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Hitting bottom tonight
77elizabeth posted:
I am so tired right now. I am hitting another low right now. I have been doing real good. My doctor wanted to up my prozac last week from 10 mg to 20 mgs. She thought it would help me to get more motivate. Its not that I am unmotivated its that I need to get out and excerise. I need to get a good nights sleep. It seems since I upped it I have been feeling acke. My mucsles hurt at times.

I had a bad night last night. I was dreaming about my parents. My mom died 3 years ago and my dad has since remarried. He has done alot of negative talking about my mom since she died. I was dreaming that they were getting a divorce. My mom missed him. I was crying to my dad but he kept igoring me. I have this same type of dream every once on awhile.

I used to be a daddys girl but because I do not like the woman he married he do not speak very much. He does not understand yes I may be 50 but I miss my mom and I do not want him telling me how unhappy he was married to my mom and I do not want the lady he married to tell me what a bad person my mom was.

I knew my mom really good. Yes she could be a bitch. But she was my mom and I loved her. We did alot of things together.

I called my dad tonight and it is like there is just nothing between us. I told him I am worried about my mammagram because they have already called be and set me an appt. to talk to a surgeon about the finding. He was like o well it will be ok, got to go. I am not apart of his life anymore. I used to be able to talk to him about anything. I used to reach out to him if I needed to talk, but now its like he is not there for me anymore

Sorry for going on so long. Just feeling really down. I think I will take a sleeping pill and try to forget all of this.

Thanks for listening
nanypat responded:
Elizabeth. I am sorry you are feeling so badly. I am way down also. My therapist said that spring can be difficult for many people I think for me as glad as I am that the snow is gone. I wish I felt renewed inside like the spring weather renews all the things in nature.

It must be very difficult for you to have your dad there, but not there for you any longer. It must feel like you have actually lost both of them in a way. Of course it is very hurtful to hear his new wife to put your mom down. My mom wasn't perfect either, but I have chosen to let go of that stuff an treasure the good things we had. I don't need anyone to remind me of those things. I wish I could be more helpful to you. You always o out of your way to help others here. pat
lukeperry responded:

From the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry that your having such a hard time! But like you said, you are "50yrs.old", & it's time for you to STOP living for you father's approval!! Because, your Never going to get it!

I only say this, because if he had really shown you unconditional love, and had acknowledged "any kind" of approval. Or encouragement, and showed you that he would always stand with you, you would have more confidence, & not be so desperate for proof of his love. Plus, you do miss your mom, which makes everything worse about the bit**%ch slamming your mother. I can talk bad about anybody in my family

Your romanticizing your mother, & your father.You've put both of them on a unrealistic pedestal that's impossible to live up to. He still loves you, & so does your mom, but they want you to accept, and love them the way they are! (wort's & all) The same way they've always loved you.

Quit living in the past, & be happy for your dad. His wife might be a bitch, but he can't (or won't) see it! Bottom line is this, she makes him happy! So, no matter how she behaves, or what kind of person she is, remember this, she makes him happy! And you need to quit acting jealous. Because if he has to choose between the 2 of you, he's going to choose her.(happiness) And you don't want to make him, make that choice.

It might not be fair, but it's his turn. If your 50, he MUST to be really old.

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