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Hitting bottom tonight
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77elizabeth posted:
I am so tired right now. I am hitting another low right now. I have been doing real good. My doctor wanted to up my prozac last week from 10 mg to 20 mgs. She thought it would help me to get more motivate. Its not that I am unmotivated its that I need to get out and excerise. I need to get a good nights sleep. It seems since I upped it I have been feeling acke. My mucsles hurt at times.

I had a bad night last night. I was dreaming about my parents. My mom died 3 years ago and my dad has since remarried. He has done alot of negative talking about my mom since she died. I was dreaming that they were getting a divorce. My mom missed him. I was crying to my dad but he kept igoring me. I have this same type of dream every once on awhile.

I used to be a daddys girl but because I do not like the woman he married he do not speak very much. He does not understand yes I may be 50 but I miss my mom and I do not want him telling me how unhappy he was married to my mom and I do not want the lady he married to tell me what a bad person my mom was.

I knew my mom really good. Yes she could be a bitch. But she was my mom and I loved her. We did alot of things together.

I called my dad tonight and it is like there is just nothing between us. I told him I am worried about my mammagram because they have already called be and set me an appt. to talk to a surgeon about the finding. He was like o well it will be ok, got to go. I am not apart of his life anymore. I used to be able to talk to him about anything. I used to reach out to him if I needed to talk, but now its like he is not there for me anymore

Sorry for going on so long. Just feeling really down. I think I will take a sleeping pill and try to forget all of this.

Thanks for listening
Elizabeth
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lukeperry responded:
Elizabeth,

From the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry that your having such a hard time! But like you said, you are "50yrs.old", & it's time for you to STOP living for you father's approval!! Because, your Never going to get it!

I only say this, because if he had really shown you unconditional love, had acknowledged "any kind" of approval, or encouragement, and shown you that he would always stand by you. Then you'd have the confidence, & not be so desperate for proof of his love. Plus, you missing your mom so much, intensifies everything the bit**%ch slamming your mother isn't allowed! You can say whatever you want!
But she can't!

Your also romanticizing your mother, & your father.You've put both of them on a unrealistic pedestal that's impossible to live up to. He still loves you, & so does your mom, but they want you to accept, and love them the way they are! (wort's & all) The same way they've always loved you.

Quit living in the past, & be happy for your dad. His wife might be a bitch, but he can't (or won't) see it! Bottom line is this, she makes him happy! So, no matter how she behaves, or what kind of person she is, remember this, she makes him happy! And you need to quit acting jealous. Because if he has to chose between the 2 of you, he's going to chose her.(happiness) And you don't want to make him, make that choice.

It might not be fair, but it's his turn for happiness. If your 50, he MUST be really old, so forgive him. I hope that I didn't offend you, and if I did, please forgive me????

Lukeperry (from the old days)
 
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77elizabeth replied to lukeperry's response:
A. No one in the family really thinks she is making him happy by the way his appearance has changed and how he is acting.

B. It is not be jealous, its wanting to talk to my dad when I am nervous about possible surgery.

C. Romanticzing, no but I cannot forgive him the way he has put my mom down.


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