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In a bad place still- trigger
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hobit24 posted:
I ended up crying until I feel asleep last night. I wanted to call someone but i just couldn't do it. Why are things starting to get harder instead of better. My thoughts keep lingering longer and longer on a more permenat answer. I am scared of those thoughts. I don't want to be this way but I am too tired to fight anymore. I know what I should do and have aften given advise to other in this same place, but I just can. Don't know what to do anymore.
Reply
 
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ffltat responded:
It is time to make a call Hobit. It is time to talk to someone. Pick up the phone. Call your tdoc or pdoc or a crisis line.

if you want to talk more privately you can use this email: ffltat@yahoo.com

I know the place you are in....I am there also but I hold on because there is still hope that tomorrow will be better.

That someone will care and understand. You keep trying to reach out to that tells me you still feel that hope also
 
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ripcmw responded:
hobit24, it gets better. Are you on medication? What kinds have you tried? I would like to be a friend. I have been there. You couldn't imagine! Maybe you could, what's your story? I don't like to hear people talk about the "permanent answer" I have been there. I tried it. I got the proper help. I want to help you if I can. Talk to me....
 
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hobit24 replied to ripcmw's response:
I have had depression and PTSD sence I 16 I am almost 31 now. I am curently on prozac and Trazodone. I have been on them for a month now. I have also be hospitalized for my depression twice for this same reason. I know I should call some one, but I am scared. I don't want to dissapoint my family again and my sister realy does need my help. I also just started working. It is only part time and I can't aford to lose this job. I am so scared of my thoughts, but I am more scared of calling someone. It is stupid I know, and I need to worie about my own helth, but I don't know how to put myself first. I never have.
 
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ripcmw replied to hobit24's response:
I have been there. I am 40 and have been fighting depression since i was in my teen. I am one of six children. Since i was 10 years old, I have been the one to keep things together. I tried ending things back then, but didn't know why. Depression wasn't talked about back then and if it was, my mom was an alcoholic and i felt she didn't care. When i lost my son, i thought my life was over. I was hospitalized because i overdosed on Xanex. That had to be the best thing that could have happened to me. I now know what it was that was happening to me all these years. I got help. I know when I start feeling depressed. I still have thoughts of hurting myself because i don't think anyone would miss me. I have the motto "One day at a time" That is if I can get through this day, then I'm doing good. I am on Lexapro and it seems to work very well for me. Let me know if you want to continue talking. I would really like to compare stories and see how we can help each other. Do you have kids?
 
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hobit24 replied to ripcmw's response:
I don't have kids though I have 34 neices and nephews including greats. I am the second to last child out of 12 children. My mother died of cancer when I was ten and I promised I would take care of everyone. My whole story in on my profile if you wnat to read it.
 
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ripcmw replied to hobit24's response:
Believe it or not, I'm new at this computer thing! I never get on the computer. What profile? Where? Help!!!!
Your mom would be very proud of you, but not at the expense of your health. You are the most important person in your life. I mentioned I am one of six; the oldest girl (I have two older brothers, a younger brother, and two younger sisters). When my mother was too drunk to take care of us, it was up to me. At the tender age of 12 I tried jumping out my bedroom window, 2 stories up. I tried running away, I threw myself down 13 steps, etc. When my son died, 10 days later my youngest son went into foster care, and 8 months later, my mother died, also from cancer. I know what it feels like to want to throw in the towel. Believe me! I am in a better place but only because I know what signs/symptoms to look for now. Do you have much of a support system? Either at home or outside the home? Are you married?
 
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hobit24 replied to ripcmw's response:
Just click on my picture and that will take you to my profile. No I am not married. I have sever trust isues with men. I don't realy have a support system, because I have a hard time talking with my family about this because they realy don't understand.
 
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ripcmw replied to hobit24's response:
Got it! Do you have friends that you can talk to, or is this your only form of communication with people who would understand your issues? I read your profile and I am sorry you had to go through that. I had a rough childhood and it affected me differently, but I do understand. I wanted out of my house so bad, I became a wife and mother at the age of 16. My oldest son is going to be 24 in July and he recently joined the Army. That is a whole nother story! My middle son, Chris passed away, as I said, 4 years ago this July, and my youngest is 19 years old and lives with his grandmother. I am married to my 2nd husband and we have been together for 20 years. It has been a very difficult relationship, but we have somehow made it work. Just recently I left him for the 3rd time; for 3 and a half months. My depression has been coming between us and I know this, I am lucky to have a man who is willing to understand that. We are going to couple's therapy right now and will celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary on Wednesday. I am still in turmoil all the time, but am getting through each day one at a time.
 
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hobit24 replied to ripcmw's response:
I wish I had friends to talk to. My only friend moved out of state years ago. I am sorry about your son. I know that must be hard. I lost a neice i was very close to nine years ago june seventh she was only eight years old. the day we barried her my only grandmother die. I know death of a child is hard to deal with.
 
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ripcmw replied to hobit24's response:
I would like to be a friend for you to talk to and help each other. Will that be something you would like? I talk to people, but they don't understand what it is I'm going through. I have "friends" at work, but I'm beginning to feel like they are pushing me away because all I seem to do is talk about "problems". Yea, I can be sullen, but that is the depression talking and all I want is an ear to listen. Someone who won't turn me off because they don't like what I have to say. Someone who understands, someone who can relate. Someone like you! I know we're strangers, but friends can be made with someone who understands and we seem to understand each other in one sense or another. You know what I mean? Let me know.
 
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hobit24 replied to ripcmw's response:
It would be nice to have people to talk to. I am back to crying again already. I am just soooooo tired.
 
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casenumber replied to ripcmw's response:
For me friends are always welcome they are the ones that get us through the days and nights. I am always worried that I can't always be the right kind of friend. If I don't feel good I may not go on line for days.
 
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hobit24 replied to casenumber's response:
I am the same was so don't feel bad. I think I am going to try and take a realy long nap now. I am just so tired and all my tears are gone. I just need to sleep now. Thank you so much for your suport and kind words. I hope you feel better soon.
 
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ripcmw replied to hobit24's response:
It's okay to cry. I do it ALL the time. That is why a lot of my friends shy away from me. I feel isolated when that happens and put up a "wall". I am always tired too. The day is half over and you can make it. What do you like to do as a hobby?


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