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Realizing my depression
johnjb142 posted:
Hi everyone, I am 20 years old and I have been suffering from depression for a long time. When I was 14 I started to get stretch marks. I thought I was the only person in the world with them. I never mentioned it to anyone because I was so embarrassed. I stopped going to the beach, the pool. And to sum it all up I basically never did anything that would expose my skin. So all throughout High School I obviously never played any sports. Football coaches always tried to get me involved. My senior year a coach even told me I could be a D1 prospect and I was throwing my life away. He was right. I always just laughed it off and said I had a job on weekends or my grades weren't that good. I obviously never told him the truth.(my stretch marks) Just to let everyone know I am 6'4 and still very athletic considering I just go to work and come home and sit on my ass all day watching TV, playing games, working out occasionally just to let time pass by. Another thing that is even more upsetting is I still never even had a girlfriend. Once again my stretch marks made me feel very self-conscious and I never was able to build up the confidence to ask a girl out. Now I am very awkward around girls and they avoid me because of that. Whats even more embarrassing is I am an attractive guy, that's what I have been hearing my whole life from elementary school when I was a kid to older women that I bump in to at the job work and everywhere in between. All of my friends from high school have moved on in their life and mine is at a stand still. I feel very uncomfortable trying to get in contact with them because I feel like Im a loser. I'm starting college and heading towards the right track. I just need the motivation to keep going and I hope I will get that here. I apologize for the random story about myself, but it's the truth and even me typing it makes me feel uncomfortable because I realize all the things I had, all of the opportunities, that I never took advantage of.
johnjb142 responded:
I just posted this today, but can someone please help me. Everything I said is true and I really don't have anyone. My family knows I want to change, but all they remember is a depressed guy that doesn't want to do anything. I feel like a robot, It's like I forgot how to have fun, be sad, have emotion. It just keeps on piling up and I don't know how to handle it. Please someone help me I have major depression. I feel so alone.
NCgirl333 replied to johnjb142's response:
My heart breaks to hear you. It's too simple to say that you're being too hard on yourself. But you're really being too hard on yourself. I'm going to advise you what I advise everyone: Find a good therapist. These deep-seated issues we have are things we cannot workout alone. As my therapist said to me at one point -- and it really got my attention -- "You can't think your way out of this." You need someone to confide in. And it's always easier to confide in a stranger (a therapist) who actually ends up feeling like your best friend eventually. See if you can find someone with a focus on body issues. My sister has a very disfiguring birthmark that marred her image of herself for the first half of her life. A pretty, smart, popular girl But much like you, she avoided things. And avoiding things never makes anything better. When she moved passed that issue (with the help of a therapist), she became the unstoppable force she was always meant to be. If I found a wonderful, attractive, bright guy -- I should wouldn't let stretch marks determine my opinion of him. I don't know any woman who would. So please don't try to do this on your own. Please find someone to talk to. As I've often said, picking up the phone to call a therapist for the first time is so scary. But after your first session, the only thing you will regret is not choosing to do it sooner. As for the opportunities you passed by that make you sad now, determine that those are the only ones that will have gotten past you. As a 50 year old, trust me, your life is just getting started. Look at what's ahead, not what is behind. You have a whole world and life ahead of you. Please go talk to someone so that it is a future that will be fulfilling for. Take care. I will send good thoughts your way.
johnjb142 replied to NCgirl333's response:
Thank you for taking the time to respond. I finally did set up a doctor appointment. I will feel very uncomfortable asking her to see a therapist, but I know it is the right thing. Your comments are uplifting, once again thank you.
bamstanley responded:
Now that you are older you will find that other peoples cruel remarks or opinions happen less and less. High school can be a cruel place and immaturity makes people say and do a lot of things that they shouldn't. you need to ask any woman who has had a baby about their stretch marks! Older women want kindness, humor and someone that is genuine we don't care about body image. Just try and take this to heart and meet someone by being yourself and you'll find the rest will follow. You are off to college with a whole new group of people so try for a fresh start and be a friend first and see where it takes you.
johnjb142 replied to bamstanley's response:
Thank you for the kind comments, it really cheered me up.

I signed up on this community the other day and it already has helped out a lot, but one thing that makes me feel a little down is it seems like there is a larger number of older people and not a lot of people my age. Is this true? I was hoping there would be some people around my age.
Crybaby7292 replied to johnjb142's response:
am 18 with 2 babies. my oldestis 15 months and my youngest is 1 month. I have more stretch marks then u can ever imagine. I dont wear a swimsuit i dont go anywhere without everything covered and looking like a mummy in this hot humid weather. i have been suffering with depression ever since i was 11 and even had a therapist talk to me and everything, i refused to take any medications and just deal with it myself. After i got pregnant it got so much worse, i cant even hold a relationship anymore. Your story is pretty touching and sounds a lot like how i grew up. I am in my senior year this year and i hardly have any friends and i sit around twirling my fingers together and taking care of my 2 little ones. I agree with NCgirl333 i wouldnt dump a guy just because of stretch marks i would go by who they are and their personality.
susiemargaret replied to johnjb142's response:
hello, john --

i just wanted to explain why no one answered your post as quickly as we would have liked. you have probably figured out by now that we are not a "live," "real-time," 24/7 chat room -- that we communicate with each other by our posts. esp late at night and on the weekends, fewer people check the messages, and therefore fewer people are likely to respond. we have lots of readers, i know, but many are not comfortable responding or don't think they can help.

please don't give up on us; we want to hear from you!

-- susie margaret
what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.

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