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If anyone else can relate to this...
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DDDGuy509 posted:
I am the 54 year old newbie to this group. I have the triple whammy of chronic pain/insomnia/depression. I have been on pain meds for many many years due to chronic low back pain. Recently these pain meds started cauing some "gastric issues," namely bad constipation. This is typical of these pain meds, esp. after being on them for so long.

I took a hard look at myself and my situation and after consulting with my Dr. decided to try to wean myself off the pain meds. There were not alot of options available to use otherwise, or if there were they required another Dr's services for treatment. And I didn't want to quit cold turkey and have to go through withdrawl, so chose the slow ean off method.

Needless to say it didn't work well. Throw in anxiety and then a major bout of depression from beating myself up to death for NOT being able to wean myself off, and here I am.

I have been seeing a therapist for the anxiety and depression, and after trial and error am on my 3rd anti-depressant.

My DR. said he was not to surprised I was not able to wean off. After explaining what happened and why I was not successful he said I may have to be on pain meds, some form for the rest of my life. This was hard to hear. I do not abuse my pain meds, but its clear I have a dependency to them.

Needless to say self esteem wasn't very good after the attempt either, which brings me to this point. I am now climbing back up after hitting rock bottom, know that I have a ways to go, and am bound and determined to contunue to do this. But it hasn't been easy.

Been reading alot of therapy books lately too. Am using affirmations quite a bit also. I am coming round to accept my situation now, albeit slowly, but it hasn't been easy. On the meds as we all know, we have our good days and our not so good days. Getting used to the mental fuzzies in the morning again on Elavil, but I think its helping. Been one week today....going to try to stick with it. Not give in or give up....

Don't have a very big support network personally, which brings me to here. If anyone else can relate to my story, I would love to hear from you. Everybody take care of themselves, and be good to yourself too!
Reply
 
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percygone responded:
Hi there 3-D! (Hope you don't mind I did that)
I can totally relate to you. About 5 or 6 years ago, I was goofing around in my yard with my son. His shoe fell off and I picked it up. He tripped me to get it back and I twisted the wrong way to try to not get too seriously hurt. I felt something, but thought it was only my bones cracking and ignored it. It ached for over a year until I couldn't straighten up or walk without a limp. I finally went to a neurologist, had an MRI done, found out I had a herniated disc pressing against my sciatic nerve. Had to have surgery. I still get aches, but nowhere near what it was. I can relieve the ache with ibuprofen now and don't regret it one bit.

I am sorry you are suffering. I am also very glad to hear you are fighting the depression and working your way back up. I hit rock bottom 4 years go. My middle son died suddenly, my youngest son was placed in foster care for behavior issues 9 days after I buried my son, and I was going through some major marital problems. I tried to end my life prematurely because I couldn't take the pressure of all that at once. I am so glad today that I did not succeed then. I have been struggling since, but want to say I may have experienced a miracle.

Ever since my sons death, I have totally turned away from any sort of religion. I hated and became very anxious if anyone mentioned the work "God" in my presence. I don't know if recently He is responsible for this, but whatever happened, I am not going to question it.

I woke up and had this overwhelming sense of peace. I can't explain it very well, but it was as if my soul was "cleansed". I told myself I was tired of being depressed and didn't want to be anymore. I find the joy in little things such as the gifts of nature. I love watching the birds fight for position on the bird feeder. I watched a frog jump out of my garden pond this morning and laughed. I enjoy LIFE now. I figure I only have this one life and only about 30 to 40 years left of it and I didn't want to spend the rest of those years in a depressed state. I started "re-training" my brain to find positives in my life. I take one day at a time but enjoy as much of the day as I can. I know I will still experience negativity, but I will choose a different way to handle that negativity.

I am sorry I have gone on so long. I am just sooooo relieved to finally feel happy again that I want to share it with everyone! I hope that one day you can also feel this. I send you strength and support to continue your climb upward and look forward to the day when you can tell us you have overcome it. ((HUGS))
 
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DDDGuy509 replied to percygone's response:
Wow. Very interesting, inspiring reply Percy. Going to read it, and read it again, as you had lots to offer, which I really appreciated. Thank you for your thought provoking reply!
 
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MinxieMurder responded:
I cant say I know what its like to be on pills for a legit reason but your story inspired me more than I thought. I'm only 17 and have been battling an addiction to pain meds (including Roxy, Perx, Oxy and Add) for about 6 or so years. Its hard trying to come off of them, that I can relate too, I am currently on my 8th attempt to get clean and sober, its been about 2 weeks now and for the most part my detoxing is done. I firmly believe that if you try, and set your mind to it you can do anything and everything.

I wrote down something you said, "Not give in or give up", and actually put it on my computer so every time I wake up and read that I know that I can in fact beat this horrid disease of addiction. Granted you were on your pain meds for a real reason and do not abuse them, and I chose to start taking them and getting high, we both have a long road ahead of us, and I wish you the best
 
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MinxieMurder replied to percygone's response:
This really inspired me...I hope I can be happy like you are some day soon
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
This is something that's often discussed on our Pain Management Community and the message always is this: dependence is NOT the same as addiction.

I know this is easier said than done, but try not to judge yourself harshly for needing medication in order to have some quality of life. Would you think less of someone 'dependent' on insulin or asthma medication? This isn't any different.

It sounds like you're doing some great work to help yourself and I'm glad you found us here and glad you're posting and sharing your journey with us.
 
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lazydazey responded:
I'm sorry you are having such a rough time, I can so relate! I have scoliosis, ddd, 3 messed up discs, spinal stenosis and really bad arthritis, so I too have to take pain medication. Caprice is right, dependence is not the same as addiction, but the powers that be and some ignorant people that are not walking around in our pain filled bodies have stigmatized and demonized certain medications that are necessary for folks like us to have any kind of quality of life, be able to do ordinary things others take for granted...I don't like having to take yet another pill (have high blood pressure too, pill for that too), don't like being at the mercy of my pain management doc who is going to end up probably killing me (but that's a whole other story), but if I have to take a medication to be able to have some kind of life, be able to keep the pain down to a low hum instead of a shriek, so be it. There is no shame in having to take a medication when there is a legitimate reason for it. Another thing-if your pain is allowed to go unchecked and starts to go up, it can be hard and take awhile to get it back under control, which is hard on the rest of your body. As for the constipation, try eating more fruits and vegetables (roughage), maybe try taking a fiber supplement, this might help. Also, sometimes if I am having that problem, I drink a cup or two of coffee and the caffeine in it seems to help me go. Weird, but it sometimes helps me. Hope this helps, hope you find relief, hope your pain stays managed. You have found a safe and good place here, there are many kind caring folks on here. There are also good caring folks on the back pain support board. Take care and God bless you.
 
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percygone replied to DDDGuy509's response:
Are you being sarcastic or are you genuine? I really want to help people and want my message to be a positive one. I hope your genuine! (HUGS)
 
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percygone replied to MinxieMurder's response:
I hope so too! It's a wonderful feeling. I hope it lasts! Congratulations on getting "clean". I am so proud of you (and I don't even know you!!!). I used to work in a detox unit of our local hospital and have seen how hard it is to detox. I hope your getting some kind of rehab to help you. Detox is great, but now you need to learn how to stay away from them. You are doing GREAT and I wish for you to continue with your success! (((HUGS))))
 
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DDDGuy509 replied to percygone's response:
Percy, very, very genuine, I assure you. I appreciated all you had to say and offer. Thank you so much!
 
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DDDGuy509 replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
Thanks for your words of support Caprice. I REALLY apprecaite it!!!
 
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Tony077 responded:
Hello my name is Tony I am new here also but not new to depression and getting off meds. First to get off the pain meds I would recommend you check yourself into a good detox clinic. I was hooked on percocett, xanax,and vicodin. I spent one week in a good detox clinic and came out with some mild anxiety and depression but was able to control it with 2000 mgs a day of depakote er and 37.5 mgs of effexor er I spent 5.5 years in a deep depression trying every antidepressant on the market with no success and finally came out of it on my on with the lords help. This time when depression set in after a divorce, a new doctor wanted me to try depakote and low and behold it worked and with no side effects. I still had some depression so I asked for the effexor and the two turned out to work great. Just today my doctor released me I am off all the meds and doing great. It took about 15 months to get to this point but I am so happy now and it didnt take 5.5 years this time. So find you a doctor that is willing to think outside of the box and try something a little differant which depakote is rarely used for anxiety but in some cases it does work. Good luck god bless and let me know if I can be of help, someone to talk to that has been there is the only ones that can understand what you are going through. Tony
 
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DDDGuy509 replied to Tony077's response:
Tony, thanks for your words of support and encouragement, and suggestions. I am climbing back out from being on the rock bottom, because I have some people and a cat who NEED me. It hasn't been easy and I am on the 3rd of 3 anti-depressants now, Elavil as mentioned, and want to stick with this one, if possible. I don't think jumping around on antis' is too good if you know what I mean. My mood is better, but my insomnia has flared up again. Unfortunately. I am going to try to address this next week at my Dr. appt.

AS far as the pain meds, I am on a low dose, and have finally come around and accepted that to have SOME quality of life, I may as my Doctor has said, need to be on some form of pain med for the rest of my life. As Caprice pointed out, there are MANY people who need to be on meds now for some quality of life.

I was having gastric issues, but by and large now, those seem to be a thing of the past.

But I am very very happy for you and it sure sounds like you have turned the corner as it was...bravo, and well done sir, and I mean that.

I very much appreciate the reaching out. Take care of yourself and I will try to do the same. Tom
 
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DDDGuy509 replied to DDDGuy509's response:
Today I felt a bit of stuggle. Realizing that some days are better than others, so I went to my local YMCA gym for the 2nd time this week which is HUGE! I used to go 3 X a week before the big D hit me. Then I went downtown to my local library and got a book I have been wanting to read. These things all helped pickup my mood. I also walked 1.25 miles on my treadmill this morning. I would keep encouraging everyone to get as much exercise as you can each day. It helps!


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