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    To Trust or not to Trust
    An_203587 posted:
    [TRIGGER] I have been seeing a therapist for the past 8 months or so. He has gotten me through some really tough times. I trust him, but there are still things I don't feel comfortable telling him. I have no problems discussing my current feelings, but found myself lying when he touches on suicidal thoughts and attempts. Now that I am feeling better I don't know if it really matters, but he asked me to fill out another depression questionnaire last week and I found myself lying in order to make things look better than they are (although they are much better).

    My therapist got me to go see a Psychiatrist in order to go on meds. I was very hesitant. It was something I wanted to avoid. I don't care for the doctor. I see him for five minutes in order to check in and then I am out. I am taking two different meds right now (Cymbalta and Aplenzin). I don't now what has caused my change in attitude (the medication or therapy), but I hesitantly went on the meds and now want to get off them.

    That being said, I am scared to make too many changes. As I said, I like my therapist, but will I ever be totally comfortable talking to anyone? Should I break down and go to someone else. Should I stop with the meds? What it comes down to is can I make a change without going off the deep end again? I am so confused!!!
    miserable_sob responded:
    [TRIGGER] I don't care about telling my therapist I'm suicidal and wish I was dead already. It doesn't make much difference anyhow. My only problem is if she asks me if I feel like killing myself now. That's when I have to lie, in order to avoid being hospitalized. I'd have no problem with it if it didn't feel more like a prison in the hospital. Don't they effing understand how miserable people get in that place with the treatment they put them through? It's a cold, miserable place. I'm just happy to get out of the hell hole and continue my worthless life when I leave there.
    thatswhathesaid replied to miserable_sob's response:
    [TRIGGER] have u ever tried to commit suicide and if so what way did not work?
    chez1 responded:
    [TRIGGER] Stick in there A, it is not unusual to be scared to expose yourself fully, it sounds like you have a good relationship with your therapist and as you continue to feel better and build in confidence in yourself and your relationship you might find it easier to speak out loud about this subject.
    You have taken a huge step by writing just how you are feeling and I hope others share there experiences and knowledge with you.
    Don't rush to come of the meds, whilst you are still adjusting and working out where you are and where you are heading. Use all the supports that you have to keep you strong.
    Take care of yourself x
    Annie_WebMD_Staff replied to miserable_sob's response:
    [TRIGGER] Hi there,

    I'm sorry that you aren't feeling all that great today. The holidays in particular can be very difficult for people as their normal routines get disrupted

    As well many people are away and not here on this board due to the long holiday weekend.

    I want to point you to our Crisis Assistance link in the left hand side navigation bar for help.

    If you are in immediate need of assistance please call a crisis hotline or your doctor or get yourself to a hospital emergency room.

    Today you may be feeling badly but tomorrow may be a brighter day for you!

    Take care!

    - Annie
    Annie_WebMD_Staff responded:
    [TRIGGER] Just an FYI to everyone who is reading or replying to this thread; I've added a trigger warning to this thread topic as the replies do mention self harm.

    Due to the nature of that topic some community members may need to bypass the thread and a trigger warning lets all of our community members know that.


    - Annie
    Tony077 responded:
    [TRIGGER] Coming from a deep depression survivor, if you think you might committ suicide you definately should tell your therapist. Keep in mind it is normal to have those kind of thoughts and to even have a plan but you are the only one who knows if you are at the point of actually doing it. If you are feeling better absolutely stay on your meds, give them at least 1 year after your depression goes away. Going off of them to soon can cause a relapse that is worse than before. I had to learn these things the hard way because I knew more than my doctors did. If you can find someone who has been through what you are going through and talk to them often they are the only ones that help because they have been there and know what you are going through. Good Luck & God Bless Tony
    miserable_sob replied to thatswhathesaid's response:
    [TRIGGER] Maybe I could have killed myself if I just kept trying. I did pass out once while trying, but regained consciousness. It probably wouldn't have been that way if I hit my head while going down. Believe me, when it comes to passing out, it just takes you by surprise, and you have no clue at all that it's going to happen to you.
    dem243 replied to miserable_sob's response:
    had a therapist for two years she helped me through some very rough times i and i totally trusted her but suddenly mt emotions were to much for her to handle so she let me go, i am not going to tell you how i am right now but i will say this be careful what you do they are are not always truthful they mean well sometimes but they can cause more damage than help an bielieve me when that is a horrible feeling to live with

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