Depression Community

[TRIGGER] I don't feel life is worth living and have attempted suicide. My family says it is selfish to take your own life. I feel it would be different if it was physical pain I was feeling and not emotional pain. They have no idea. I feel I am living just to keep others happy. I was very disappointed when the suicide failed. I know I will try again. The only thing worth living for is my dog.

Hi Mgb,

Help is out there for you. Are you receiving any treatment? Are you in therapy and/or on medications? It can take time for the right medication and/or combination of meds and dosages to be found. Medication combined with regular therapy can be very helpful.

I know you're in a lot of pain and can't see beyond it right now. But hold on and reach out for further support.

And please call a crisis line before you try again.

Hi Mgb I'm glad you found us and I'm glad Caprice was here to help you with some great advice and encouragement.

Please reach out for the help you deserve, and please check in as you can.

[TRIGGER] Quite honestly, life ISN'T worth living if you suffer from intelligence as it sounds like in your case, or, what our culture refers to as "mental illness." I think death ought to be a choice, just like smoking; we could put warnings on it, but Jesus Christ, what's the big deal? Everyone assumes that if you want to kill yourself, you "need help." This may be true for 99% of people with mental illness, but there is a small group of us out there that know better, don't we: THERE IS NO HELP. It's nice of the medical community and others to try to help out, but sometimes you have concede that nothing can be done. I'm all for suicide if you're rational about it, which admittedly the vast majority of sick idiots are NOT. But since you mentioned being done with life, then why the hell CAN'T we just kill ourselves? I struggle with this one too. Isn't it nuts that you can go buy fifty guns in our country but you can't ask a doctor to put you to sleep? The best I can tell you is this: if you're smart enough to know that life is really just a tragic uncaring and godless fluke, then you have to be smart about conceding that you might not be 100% correct. That's the only keeping me here--admission of doubt.

TOTALLY agree about living for your dog. Honestly, that's reason enough

I don't know your situation, I can only speak of my own and I am totally alone on this planet so no one would miss me if I were not here. I have been severely depressed for many years, my first suicide attempt was at age 8, there have been more. I have been on more anti-depressants than I can name, none of which have worked. Currently I am in a very dark place, I am an artist and I "use" to love to do anything creative, I am a fashion designer and if you ask me to sew on a button I don't think I'd have the energy to do so. In fact, doing simple things is like having to lift a 100 lb lead weight, I am exhausted all the time, sleepy all the time but at night I find it hard to sleep but during the day I want to sleep all the time. I use to pray to God to ease my pain, now I pray that I just not wake up, EVER! Every part of my body hurts, I can't stand to be around people but hate to be alone, I could not cry if I wanted to because I am numb, I am tired of faking my feelings when I have to be around people. Frankly, I am just tired of everything, wish I could curl up in a ball and disappear.
If this is the way I have to spend the rest of my life, what's the point?

Is life worth living? That is an interesting question. There are days when I dont bother thinking about it and then there are times I cant think about anything else. What precisely am I supposed to do here. Read somewhere - The greatest illusion is that there is actually a purpose of life. That it is all supposed to mean sumthing, anything. So, if life really has a purpose, who really decides it. And if there is one how am I supposed to know about it.
Most times, most ppl. find a purpose themselves - usually based on what has been going on in their head at some particularly vulnerable/calm moment. Some call it the voice of the subconscious which is said to become louder when we reduce noise around us - our to do lists and sensory overloads (books, music, movies, sports, etc that keep us temporarily amused).
And when that voice does speak up, we either lack courage or questioning if it is really worth the effort of getting out of the comfort zone (which however uncomfortable is familiar and what is not familiar is scary). I believe most ppl. if they set their mind on sumthing, can really achieve that (human will has great power but human mind is also very fickle) and I dont mean idiotic goals like wanting a million dollars. I mean the freedom to spend time as I like doing something productive. It may sound like work but hey, there are also things many ppl. pass off as work (filmmaking/acting/reviewing).
Now, the issue is whether we have the freedom and resources. If yes, gr8 - take the 1st step and the rest will follow. If not, get in touch with your subconscious as often as practically possible to stay motivated (a journal helps), take baby steps to create resources. The drive to get there will make you create possibilities to quicken resource creation.
Once, you reach there, there is a possibility that others may not appreciate what u do as much as u think they shld. (we judge ourselves by our potential, others judge us by what we have actually done). In which case, not only do I need to figure out what I like to do, but can I realistically speaking do it better than most others (can i be in the top 5%).
Which is where self belief kicks in (I doubt if Schumacher always knew he would be Schumacher - he was just focussing on outdoing himself each time and ended up being where he is).
Followed finally by hardwork. What I lack in talent, I can make up by hardwork.

So, I need calmness (to figure out my goal), patience, perseverance and self motivation during resource creation, great self belief, passion and hardwork. And finally some bit of madness/stupidity to actually believe that I can pull all this off while still being healthy (physically and mentally) to savour success for a reasonable period of time. The trick is to start listening to the subconscious (which really is the mood of a calm mind that is around for a longer period) early in life. Since, all above are positive sounding qualities, thinking negative gets me nowhere. Catching the negative thought as soon as it starts is an art and requires practice.

Again, the goal may turn out to be a temporary one since nothing really lasts forever. But hey, I would rather tick sumthing off my list and figure out there is sumthing more intrsting to pursue than forever be caught up in the daily noise and regret at the end of my life that I shld. have done things I liked.

If I believe in all of the above, I know what to do. If I dont, it just puts off so much pressure and frees up time to do things that I really like.
So, either ways I end up doing things I like. Which in my humble opinion is what life really about. And how can what i like be not worth it.
If you have a feeling that you dont like anything, its a temporary phase (meditate, keep a journal and get help to ride out the internal storm) since activity is one of our basic needs and we will eventually feel the need to do sumthing. And if that is sumthing we like doing, it makes life easier.

Thank you for your post. I suffer from depression and recently due to no income, I had to wean myself off my med that I have been on for years. NOT EASY! I have been off now for about 2 months and now I have to get back on something as the depression is playing tricks with my mind. I have recently relocated to a new place across the US and away from my kids,grandkids,friends and my life....so this is hard. However, I have found a peace with God in all this and weighing heavy on prayers for him to help me see thru these dark days....and even though I know I need to get back on something, it is because of knowing he is there no matter what my dark side says that I can take myself out of the doom and gloom. It is not easy at all.....but I have to believe in something. I have been scared so much these last few weeks, in so many ways, but I know there has to be a reason that all this has happened. I know it has help me build my faith with him stronger even though some days it's like a roller coaster ride.....but if I did not believe it right now then I don't think I would be here. I have a ways to go but I have to get myself back and a need for some med and the love of God is what will do it. I have never joins discussions like this but after reading so many it has helped me to know that I am not alone in this ugly battle called depression! My heart was so heavy for some as I read their posts and for those of you out there who your MIND THINKS for you that you would be better off gone........don't do it, we all have to reach out and even if we don't know each other, we ALL have each other......

It's a big mistake to go off of your meds. You need them for the chemical imbalance in your system. If you can't afford them, contact the manufacturer of the med, contact social services or ask the pharmacy what help there may be financially. And why did you move across the country from everyone you know and your life? Can't figure out why you have stacked the deck against yourself with the meds and your location. Yes God is there, but God helps those who help themselves. Wish you the best at getting better. I wouldn't wish the torture of depression on anyone.

I like what you say