my partners depression
avatar
An_203717 posted:
help, i am in need of a forum/person/organization/wall to vent to. my gf has been depressed for some time now and i am struggling with how to deal with it. i have come on this board recently seeking advice/tips on how to be a supportive bf to her during these rough times and i have picked up some great advice and now have a slightly better understanding of how i can help her and retain my sanity. nevertheless i find myself increasingly frustrated with her. i shower her with love and attention, but the moment i do something wrong she holds it against me and becomes abusive. i go from being "the best bf ever" to "the worst bf in the world" and an "a-hole". i am so fed up with her mood swings over the slightest things, i feel like taking her somewhere in the world were people are really suffering so that she will realize how lucky and blessed we are with all that we have and take for granted. i love her deeply and want her to be happy again. i often feel trapped in this relationship and that if i walk away she's going to hurt herself. she has little contact with her family because they haven't been as supportive and she wants them to (i too have been accused of this), so in reality i am all that she has. i need advice and how i can cope with such a person. i am not a person that has ever been depressed, but recently i too have been increasingly gloomy and i feel it's because of her. i feel she brings a bad energy into our home. i guess what i'm trying to say is i just need someone to talk to when i'm feeling frustrated like i am now, thanks for letting me vent.
Reply
 
avatar
larsstarscanary responded:
I wonder if you've tried www.nami.org? They help individuals with mental illness and their friends and families. I know I got lots of help from them.

Also, you can check your local hospitals and charitable organizations for support groups. You could also ask your primary care physician for referrals to self-help groups or support groups. There's all kinds of advice on the Net for how to avoid burnout as a caretaker. And there are caretaker support groups. (You could even start a support group exchange here on WebMD.)

I hope you get the support you need.

("I" language sometimes helps in situations where communication is challenging. For example: "I feel sad and hurt when you call me names. I'm only trying to help. We can support each other: I need you to help me to help you." Or something like that.

I think "I language" allows you to express yourself, too, and through that expression, you are not allowing yourself to be taken advantage of or abused.

Try to keep up your activities and friendships.

I hope that your girlfriend is seeing a professional, and, if necessary, taking her medication as prescribed.
 
avatar
susiemargaret responded:
hello, 75059 --

regardless of whether your girlfriend is seeing a counselor, i think it might help for you to see one for a few sessions at least. this would give you an emotionally safe place to talk about your day-to-day problems and frustrations and to get some objective feedback on strategies for coping with your circumstances and for evaluating what you want to do about this relationship. your girlfriend is obviously very unhappy, but that does not give her the right to be abusive to you, plus it does no one any good for you to sacrifice your own emotional health in trying to take care of her.

i am so sorry that you are in such a difficult situation. please keep us posted on how the both of you are doing.

-- susie margaret
what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.