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I don't care anymore, life isn't worth living for.
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Jayne4694 posted:
I've had a trying few days. My boss wrote me a letter that I couldn't believe that she would ever write to me. I have devoted 18 years of my life to my job. A job that I love. But according to my boss I hate my job and maybe it's time to go and leave my job. Or maybe I should think about going out on disability retirement. I'm 47 years old. I'm not ready for retirement. I am going through some tough times right now with my health. I didn't ask for any of it. It just happened. I didn't go out and herniate my disks, I didn't go out and tear my meniscus. These are just things that happen. I finallly found a spine Dr. that can address my neck and back and he can fit me in Tuesday at 10:00 am to which he is over 1 1/2 away from me. The last spine Dr. I was being referred to couldn't fit me in till March of 2011. That's totally rediculous. I finally find someone and think oh great maybe we can find an answer and I can be without pain. I tell my office about this office visit and my boss is all over me for having so many Dr. appts. I have had 11 Dr. appts. in the last 82 days. I took 7 vacation days during this time also because it was the summer and that is when they want us to take our vacation time. I took 7 out of 60 that they owe me. I saw my therapist today for 1 1/2 hours over all this and I told her if my boss takes my job from me then she has taken my life away. She asked what that meant and I said just what I said she takes my job from me that I love and when some people are depressed they work and survive better if they have a routine. My job is my routine. Take my job and you take my life because I will end it all and it can be on my bosses conscious, because if this happens trust me my boss will come down on the school I work for, for taking my life. I am a quiet person. I'm sorry if I'm spoken to I talk about what ever. If I have something to say I talk to whomever. But I am a person who comes in and does my job. No real chit chatting. The rest of them do. They lay there personal life out on the table. My husband did this etc. etc. etc., my kids are driving me crazy they did this can you belive it. Then they talk about personal stuff. I listen but I'm sorry that's not me. I'm not laying my personal life out on the table. It's nobody's business. I told my therapist today what do they want me to come in Monday and lay my life on the table and tell them ok I was sexually abused starting at the age of 8, I was physically abused as a child, I took care of myself, I didn't have vacations like other kids did. Do they want me to get explicit about the abuse. What do they want from me. Just because I'm a quiet person does that make me a bad person and make me hate my job because of it. I don't drag myself out of bed in the morning saying oh god I have to go to work again oh my it's so dreadful. No my alarm goes off at 5am I shower, get ready for work go to work do my job, get out at 3-4 pm come home and relax as much as I can because I work in a very stressful job. I need my job, I need the money, I need the insurance why does my boss want to take that away from me. I'm sorry I'm not a happy person. When I went to see my therapist I gave her a back pack with books in it. She pulled them out and said what are these I told her this is what I'm reading about I feel like my life is over. My husband, my daughter who just got married, my son who loves me and my mother. That's all I have. I don't have 1 friend, Not 1 friend. So as other people have said in this sight before what is life worth living for. THIS BS. I'm so riled up I can't calm down. I'm going to end up at work Monday to talk about this ungodful letter sent to me and I told my therapist I'm going to blow up. I'm not going to be calm and then there are going to be consciquences. I can't do it anymore. 18 years of service doing an excellent job, great praises and now in the last 2 months this BS. No more.
Reply
 
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Elizabeth_WebMD_Staff responded:
Dear Jayne,

I am so sorry you are going through this problem at work. Take a deep breath, relax and sit down and write a professional response to the letter you received.

Explain how you are devoted employee of 18 years and how you perform your responsibilities of X, Y and Z exceptionally well. Also, explain you have had recent unfortunate medical complications that you are getting treated, which should not reflect on your many years of excellent performance.

I know you can handle this professionally and get back to enjoying this job that you love.

I am glad that you vented here and please let us know how you are doing,
Elizabeth
 
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susiemargaret responded:
hello, jayne --

i can understand completely how outraged and distressed you are about this letter you've received. it is unfair and untrue. but -- you can handle this. look at all the horrible things you've already been thru in your life, plus you have the very real advantage of knowing that the assertions your boss makes are not true.

i agree with elizabeth that the thing to do now is to take a deep breath -- or several, actually -- and make an outline of all of the points in the letter, then refute them one by one, calmly and professionally.

these are assertions of fact, and so you need to refute them with facts; there is no need for threats, no need for begging, no need to argue about your anger or your hurt. your approach is to show that you are the one in command of the facts, that you are the rational one -- "ms. boss says X, but the fact is actually Y," "ms. boss says A, but the fact is actually B," etc., etc.

do you have copies of your excellent past performance evaluations? have you received regular salary increases, based on merit especially? do you know how many sick days you took last year and the year before? these comparisons will help support the reasons you give for why your boss is incorrect in her assertions.

start working on this tomorrow; just leave it out on your desk at home and work on it for 20-30 mins at a time, don't try to do the whole thing at once. add info as you think of it thruout the day; jot down short notes in one session, flesh them out into text during a subsequent go-round. later, you can edit it, over and over, until you are absolutely sure that have covered the most important issues and your responses to them.

remember, they are not going to decide to keep you because you have been hurt; they are going to decide to keep you because the facts justify it. therefore your task is to remind them of those facts.

you know that you have friends here to help you thru this.

-- susie margaret
what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.
 
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lukeperry replied to susiemargaret's response:
Hello Susie!

No matter how hard you tried to hide, I FOUND YOU!!! How the heck have you been? And you better write me! Please?

Yours truly, Luke
 
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Jayne4694 replied to susiemargaret's response:
I tried to be calm but things got out of hand. She's backing down on what she said. She said Now I'm getting defensive and angry and taking this all the wrong way. I confronted the people in the letter that complained about me. 2 out of 5 wrote back and said that they didn't remember, but all 5 wrote to Colleen telling her I was questioning them. She was mad that I did that. I told her I have the right to know when someone is talking about me especially when they are lies. Do I actually have to take someone lying about me.

I called her today and asked if she wanted to get together to talk this week but not in school, but outside the building. She said she was busy Thursday and Friday but not tomorrow. I said fine. She then asked if this is to discuss further about the letter, I said yes. I figure out in public the phones are ringing or someone isn't bothering us and being in public we probably won't yell. Only thing is I don't know what to say that I didn't say yesterday. Maybe she needs to know what my last 5 months have been like is severe pain and how all the Dr.'s I have seen have been jerking me along. Maybe she will understand where I'm coming from but somehow I don't think so since her own family call her the sergent. Please help I'm a quiet shy person. I don't like confrontations I just don't know what to say.

Please somebody help me. PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Jayne
 
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susiemargaret replied to Jayne4694's response:
hi, jayne --

i understand completely your desire to resolve this on a personal level, but, frankly, my opinion is that this is not something that is resolvable on a personal level. i say this because i think that the important parts here are whether the assertions against you are true and, even if so, whether they matter or can be explained.

so, to answer the main Q in your post, no, absolutely you do not have to put up with lies being told about you, but the way to deal with that is to show --

-- that the assertions are not true, or

-- that there is no proof to show they are true, which includes the fact that person X no longer stands by what was attributed to him/her in the letter, or

-- that even if they are true, they are insignificant in the overall picture, or

-- that even if they are true and even if they are significant, there are mitigating reasons for them that are unlikely to occur again, such as the intractable pain you have been in for the past several months, which you are in the process of addressing.

a personal conversation is not conducive to showing any of these kinds of things, in my view, and indeed has the potential to introduce new, unexpected allegations against which you are unprepared to defend yourself. in addition, it has the disadvantage that altho the assertions about you are on paper, there will be no record on paper of what you say about them; if there is any chance at all that this situation will eventually be dealt with at a higher level, what you say needs to be on paper too. and if you're going to put what you want to say on paper, there is no need for a personal conversation.

obviously, whether to go ahead with this conversation is a judgment that only you can make, so let me offer two other suggestions that might make it easier for the conversation to stay on track if you go --

-- first, that you take with you an outline of the assertions about you with notes to remind yourself how you want to deal with each one, in other words, A is not true and here's why, B is true but explainable because of having to attend to your physical problems, you don't understand what C means, etc., and

-- second, that immediately afterward, you write a summary of what was said by each of you.

i know that you are hurting terribly right now, both emotionally and physically, sweetie. i send you many little treasures from my heart to give you whatever solace they can, and i hope for a restful night for you tonight (and every other night too, but esp tonight).

-- susie margaret
what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.


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