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    I desperately need help
    An_203918 posted:
    I have never been so depressed in my life. I am a college freshman who is miserable at my current school and cannot afford the school of my dreams. Because of my depression I do not feel energetic enough to make friends or make myself happy. I have forgotten what happy feels like. I can't see a therapist because the news of my depression will crush my parents and my parents dont believe that antidepressants are ok to be on. I dont know who to go to or who to talk to. I have no friends and I cant talk to my parents. I can't continue to live this way and i am not suicidal because that would hurt too many people but I need something very badly. I need someone or something to help me.
    kathycornflakes responded:
    is there a campus counseling center? If so, you should try to see someone there. They are confidential (I saw someone when I was in college at mine).
    What is making you miserable? Are you away from home? Do you feel you don't fit in? Is it possible to transfer? I don't know your parents, but I think they would want to know about how you are feeling now rather than when the effects are apparent (failing grades, etc.) I really think you need to tell them that you are not happy at your current school. You might not need medication- sometimes sorting things out with a therapist can help.
    orchid1991 replied to kathycornflakes's response:
    there is a campus counseling center but i go to a southern baptist school and im baptist and i read the bible a lot but the counselors there focus on only god solving my problems. i am aware that i am lucky and have a lot to be thankful for so it isnt my faith that is holding me back from being happy. i experienced a lot of death and loss as a young child and ever since then i have attachment issues. i always think of death and feel very guilty when i feel like i havent spent enough time with people in my life that i love and care about. im mainly miserable because my best friend who happens to be my boyfriend of four years is at the school of MY dreams which is 7 hours away and my parents can afford to pay for it but they dont want me that far away. im only 3 and a half hours from home and my family is very close so i dont feel sadness because i can come home anytime and they visit a lot. i am very sociable, i was a cheerleader in high school and homecoming queen but because of my depression due to being away from my boyfriend and the fact that i cant be at the school that ive always dreamed of has made me so sad that i dont have the energy to make any friends. i am very alone and cant seem to find any happiness unless im visiting the school that my boyfriend goes to that ive always dreamed of going to. my grades are exceptional and ive always been a good student. i refuse to do poorly in school just because im depressed. i already have no friends and feel like no one is interested in being my friend because people judge me by the way i look and assume im not a nice girl. i plan to transfer but i know that my parents wont pay for me to go where i feel that i belong. my mom is on medications and still struggles with depression so my dad thinks its a bunch of nonsense. my dad is also very sensitive when it comes to me so telling him that i feel the way i do would crush him and my parents have basically told me that if they ever find out im sad they will make me come home to a less academically challenging school near home. i feel hopeless and like there is nothing i can do and no one to help me. no one completely understands no matter how much i try to explain myself but it is really becoming a problem in my life. i have fits of rage and act out dramatically on myself because i have no one to talk to. im forced to keep everything inside of me and it is really taking a toll on my health because i cant eat when i feel depressed because it makes me feel sick. i actually asked my mom about seeing a therapist and she freaked out on me and got mad so i made her promise not to tell my dad because i know that if she reacted that way he would react much worse than she did.
    susiemargaret replied to orchid1991's response:
    hello, orchid --

    i'm sorry you are so unhappy. i see a couple of different things going on here -- one related to your school, one related to getting some counseling.

    you are making yourself sick by focusing so much on the fact that you can't go to the school you've always dreamed of going to. actually, the same thing happened to me; my parents refused to let me apply anywhere except at a college close to home because they were afraid i was too "unstable" to be very far from home.

    it turned out that i did fine there and enjoyed it, but i've always thought that i should have been more proactive and tried to get a job or a scholarship or some other way to finance where i actually wanted to go. i don't know why i didn't do those things; i never even thought of them at the time (i was kind of dense about the real world back then).

    at any rate, you are not in fact going to the school of your dreams, and if you can't figure out a way to do so, then my view is that you've got to figure out a way to quit obsessing about it. it's not getting you anywhere except more and more unhappy and more and more resentful, which is preventing you from getting whatever enjoyment you might get from where you are going. and at the risk of stating the obvious, there is also no guarantee that if you did go where you really want to, everything would be perfect.

    as for the counseling Q, i can understand your mother being dismayed about your being depressed, but -- esp since she struggles with depression and meds herself -- i don't understand at all her getting angry; my guess is that her reaction was based in fear rather than in anger. nonetheless, your confrontation with her creates a practical problem for you in terms of getting the help you need.

    the essence of the problem now is that you need medical care but you can't get the kind you need thru the school counseling center or thru your parents. framed that way, i don't think that leaves you very many choices other than to look elsewhere for it.

    there are resources for finding free or low-cost medical care, including counseling, that you might investigate if you feel like the counseling center at school doesn't focus on a direction you would find useful (there is nothing wrong with deciding that the counseling center doesn't have the focus you want, it's just a fact). i will list these in a subsequent post. you might have to start at the entry level with a primary-care dr, but then you could ask for a referral to a counselor.

    don't try to tackle all of these at once, you'll get overwhelmed. check out one or two, see what they say, then check out one or two more.

    i send you caring thoughts and hope that you can find a solution for your distress on both counts. i know what it is like to be terribly unhappy and to feel that you have nowhere to go for relief; it hurts a lot. i don't want you to have to suffer that.

    -- susie margaret
    what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.
    susiemargaret replied to orchid1991's response:
    hello again, orchid --

    here are some resources for finding free/low-cost medical care, including counseling --

    -- check out these websites -- , , , , , , , , and ;

    -- check out this website -- , be sure to click on both national and state organizations;

    -- check out the website for the "live united" campaign of the united way -- -- and use the "search our site" box at the right in the second blue ribbon to do a "search" for your city or state to find medical care programs in your area;

    -- call your city, county, or state dept of health and dept of family services (or something that sounds equivalent), and ask if there are free or low-cost clinics in your area;

    -- go to the website for your state government, e.g., http:// , and click on every social services link you can find;

    -- look for free or low-cost clinics at nearby medical schools, divinity schools, large hospitals, and university graduate programs in nursing, social work, or psychology; often students who are close to graduation provide health care under the close supervision of their instructors;

    -- see if any hospitals near you have a social worker; often they have very extensive knowledge of their own and other hospital and community resources;

    -- call the legal aid office to see if they know of programs for free or low-cost medical care;

    -- check with churches, synagogues, and mosques to see if they have someone who does counseling; with many of these, you do not have to be a member, their only concern is that you are a person in need; and

    -- check out these websites to determine your eligibility for various govt assistance programs -- , , and .

    i hope this helps.

    -- susie margaret
    what good is gold, or silver too, if your heart's not good and true -- hank williams, sr.
    christinaashley4 responded:
    I feel very strongly about this post because I was in the same situation my freshman year of college and it took a lot of energy and coaching from my sister to do what was best for me.

    First, go see the Student Counseling Center. Everything is confidential, even when it comes to parents. Also, visits should be included in your tuition. Talk therapy is the best thing you can do for yourself at this point. Also, keep in mind that you might not make a great connection with your first therapist, but don't give up. Talk therapy is what saved me, and it didn't really click for me until I found a therapist I really liked.

    Next, don't let the thought of anti-depressants scare you. You may not need to be put on medicine. Meds are often a last resort that are prescribed for those with a chemical imbalance. To me, it sounds like you're a little homesick, out of your element, lonely, etc. No doubt, depressed, but I want to encourage you to seek out talk therapy first as it seems to me that it would be helpful.

    Also, if it gets to the point where you do have a chemical imbalance and you do need to be put on medicine, you need to cut your parents out of the picture when deciding what's right for you. That was the hardest thing I ever did. My father was totally against meds and when I went on them after being hospitalized for suicidal ideation, I didn't tell him for MONTHS. He knows about them now but is still very much against it despite how well I'm doing.

    Finally, the last piece of advice I have is to not let other people get in your scope when figuring out what you need. I said that before about your parents, but it goes for everyone else too. Depression is like a broken bone of the mind. You'd get your broken arm fixed, wouldn't you? There's a certain societal stigma that goes along with depression and many people are ignorant about it.

    Personally, the biggest thing that my mother always told me when I isolated myself in my college dorm room for 3 months was to get out of those four walls. At the time I was irritated and pissed that she couldn't understand how hurt I was that I couldn't move. But looking back, that is one of my coping mechanisms now. It helps me to get out of my head and if I could've just gotten out of bed and stepped outside for a ten minute walk I might've done a better job surviving.

    I wish you the best of luck and many hugs. Many people go through depression and those who do totally get what you're feeling. It might get worse, but it eventually gets easier.

    bnice50 responded:
    Jesus is ur only answer, and if u tried everythng else try his find u a bible! When things r2 much to bear he'll b there! And please don't isolate ur self! I'am praying for ur success! If no told they love 2day I do & God does2!
    xerxes8888888888 responded:
    You might consider talking to a close friend or instructor you can trust about your depression, if there is no campus counseling service available. Or..even though you're not religious, talking to a pastor or priest with counseling credentials is an option. Also, consider the country or state mental health office for help. The important thing is to talk it out with somebody. ALSO....consider exercise--running or working out is excellent depression therapy, because it increases endorphins in the brain which make you feel better.
    proudmom4ever2 responded:
    Hi! I just read your post and I wanted to reply. My daughter is a college freshman who is battling with depression. I had no idea she was in pain! To look at her you would never think "depression" - she's always laughing - gets good grades - seems to have lots of friends. She started seeing a therapist at her school and they put her on some meds. When she told me I was shocked - and angry - for a minute. Then I realized that she is an adult now. More importantly - she says she feels better now than she has for a long time. I researched the meds she is taking and have been reading as much as I can on the subject of depression. She now sees a therapist once a week or whenever she needs it. I am so sorry that you mother reacted the way she did. Sometimes we just get scared. We think we know everything about you - what's good for you and what's not. It takes a bit of time for us to get past ourselves and look at what is best for our kids. I wish you all the best and hope you find the help you need. My daughter is going thru our insurance - is that an option for you? Please don't give up on your search for happiness. Good luck to you Honey -
    lwrighttx responded:
    Please rethink your lack of energy to find friends. Friends can make the difference dealing with this terrible are not alone and by reaching out you will find potential friends who have suffered from depression. Sharing gives therapy and lightenes the load.
    fdlynch responded:
    As others have said, go to your school's counseling center. Most colleges have one and they are confidential, as well as free or really cheap. I have been going to see a counselor for my depression ever since I started going to college. My family didn't know I was going until 3 years after I started when I told them myself. It will be the best of your time, and they work around your schedule. God bless and hang in there.
    Natalyzer responded:
    I am no expert but how about just talking with us? You know every single person here has a story for you and maybe we can help you through it. Some of our events could be worse than your situation and some our events could be a little better but either way, all of us here have had some major events in our life that have left us feeling less than chipper.
    I understand one thing and that is no matter how many people tell me about the good in my life going on, I still cannot shake those feelings you speak of: low energy, not many friends or family, no motivation, and the desire to sleep a lot.
    Do you have a part-time job at all? Do you trust a counselor, pastor, or nun to talk with? Keep talking, it helps.
    twirl0408 replied to orchid1991's response:
    first, i am also a southern baptist (although i don't go to a southern baptist university) and i have found my pastor to be very helpful in my battle with depression. however, he knows and i know that he is not a professional. you really need to talk to a counselor. if they are only using faith-based solutions, express to them that you are strong in your faith and that that is not the problem. you probably need some cognitive-behavioral therapy. i am just starting work on this with my counselor at school. but remember God is part of the solution. he can heal you without medicine or counseling but he can also work through medicine and counseling. you may want to remind your counselor of this. also, I have found it very helpful to be active at my church. i am very shy and have trouble making friends so the support of my friends at church has been crucial. i would encourage you to plug into a church or an on campus group.

    second, you really need to talk to your parents. i realize your mom is scared and your dad thinks depression is a bunch of bologna but dealing with your depression will be very hard without them. talk to them together and then give them time to adjust. try to explain to your dad how you feel. you may need to take him to a psychologist and have them explain how very real depression is. or perhaps you could have your school counselor talk to him. in any case, stay adamant that this is a real disease and that you need real help and his support.

    third, i also did not go to the school of my dreams but this was because i was scared (i also have social anxiety disorder). it turned out that this was the right choice because i needed to be near home while i was dealing with my depression. God may have you at that school for a reason. try to focus more on what you have rather than what you don't have.

    lastly, you need to talk to somebody. the longer you wait to get help, the harder it gets.
    proudmom4ever2 replied to twirl0408's response:
    I agree - talking helps. I didn't want to tell anyone about my daughter and her depression - I felt like it must've been my fault so I didn't want to talk about it. I finally opened up to a friend of mine and imagine this - her daughter too was seeking counsel and on meds for depression! If we had kept it to ourselves - we would have never known. Now we can talk about it and feel more connected with our children! I hope your mom will get there soon - she will. Just worry about YOU for now. You mom will come around in her own time.
    dtcoach responded:
    Feeling the way you do can (and sounds like it might be) influencing your perspective and causing you to think your situation is hopeless, which is typical of people that feel depressed and unfortunately creates a vicious circle. No one that reads your post can tell how long you have been feeling this way or what the cause is and whether you are living at home or away at school. Speaking with some that is trained in dealing with people that are depressed and can advise you as to the steps to take are critical for you to move forward and feel better. Getting assessed to determine if you might need medication for a short period of time or long term is critical, but speaking with someone as soon as possible is most important for you. The fact that you recognize you are depressed, are online, have found this website and have reached out is a great! Many people that are depressed aren't aware that they are depressed and you have gotten past the critical first step!

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